In Need of Some Positive Societal Reinforcement...

[Hey_Laaaaaady!]

Sorry I don't know exactly where to put this...

I was put into a situation today with a bunch of other teenagers whom I don't know. Of course they're all typical teenagers by today's standards, and I have absolutely nothing in common with them. Which is fine by me. I prefer being an individual, that's part of the reason why I dress vintage. But the thing is, someone close to me practically forced me into socializing with them, when I knew right away what they were going to be like, and I knew that not only did we NOT have anything in common, but they were going to totally reject me like practically every other teenager has (of course I love all the old stuff but typical teenagers can't stand it, they just HAVE to be modern with lots of expensive gadgets or they're not cool; also, because of circumstances in my life I know I've matured a lot faster than most, so we really, really don't have anything in common!). So I'm just struggling with this situation and this feeling in particular, I love being an individual and I'm not going to change myself, but at the same time societal rejection, especially by one's peers, is rather a difficult pill to swallow.

 

[Kate O Potato]

Oh, love. I spend day upon day with teenagers, and I can assure you that whilst most of them fit a very specific mould, and can't see beyond the end of their iPhones, there are teenagers out there who will embrace and appreciate you. One day, the people you've spoken about will grow up and realise that their inherent need to conform and their outlook on life needs a makeover, but until then, I wouldn't waste my time with them, if they won't accept you. Having said that, try your hardest not to act similarly, and judge them on the fact that they are not like you. If they haven't had the same experiences as you, that isn't necessarily their fault. They're young and idealistic and think they're the centre of the universe - because they haven't had the knocks to make them realise otherwise. Remember - a negative, pessimistic attitude will get you nowhere. If they will let you get to know them then perhaps you'll see the side of them that would make a good friend, gadgets or not.

Chin up xxx

 

[RodeoRose]

Ohh, I know exactly what you're going through. I'm eighteen myself, and it can often seem like 99% of people my age think I'm a walking freakshow. It always helps me to come here, and to read my favorite vintage fashion blogs when I start to question myself. There's a whole world of smart, beautiful, creative girls out there who dress in vintage, too, and who'll find your outfits the cat's pajamas!

Kate O Potato has spoken some very wise words which I agree with-- most importantly, try not to judge the others the way they do you. Even if you know the others are snickering at you, hold your head up and wear a smile; if you're putting yourself out there and being as friendly as you can, and they still won't treat you with respect, at least you'll have the higher ground .

 

[Auld Edwardian]

Dear Miss, I can understand how you feel about not fitting in. I was a teenage back in the 1970’s, so it very well possible that I could be old enough to be your father. The important thing is to have a few good friends that are willing to accept you for the unique person that you are. In my case since I was dubbed “Old Fashion” my friends were naturally for the most part older people. Do not give in to anyone that will try force you to be something you are not. The 1970’s was a dreadful time for clothing and my dear late Mother went to the four corners of the earth to find what in my era was called “Preppy” clothes. I was ridiculed for being a “square” and not “different.” I said to them, “you mean different, just like all of the rest of you that look alike?” I added further “If bullet holes in car door were in style you would all be running out to buy guns.” Needless to say this did not sit well with the following the herd types. In closing I will tell you it is worth staying the course and being your own person. It will not always be easy, but press on. If I might be permitted to be a Dutch Uncle for a moment, never have anything to due with a guy that does not treat you ALWAYS like a lady. There are still some gentlemen in training out there, so keep you eyes peeled and be willing to wait.

 

[nosferaturoams]

Well, I'm sure there are people somewhere out there too intimidated to speak to you, but trust me somebody out there is admiring you. I always love seeing girls dressed up nicley. My problem is sometimes they've got such a serious face it scares ME .

 

[Penny Dreadful]

I can't say anything half as articulate as those above me so I'll just say that I agree completely. They said it best, and they're completely right.

 

[virgi]

one thing you have noticed laaaaaddddy is that teenagers are very group oriented. They derive their self esteem by acceptance from their peers. Have you noticed that groups of teenage cliques dress similarly or try to look like one another? This is because humans tend to accept those or be friendlier towards those who look like them. And since you look different, you will be treated as an outsider. Because you are not being accepted by these cliques, it can play havoc on your self-esteem. I wouldn't bother with them, you'll find that people who will ostracize you for dressing differently are superficial in character anyways. These people often don't change once they reach adulthood. A teenage douche bag often ends up being an adult douche bag, sad to say.

 

[dannyboy_883]

Sorry for butting in, not sure if I am allowed to be here...

These people often don't change once they reach adulthood. A teenage douche bag often ends up being an adult douche bag, sad to say.

Unfortunately, This is ultimately true. I found that once I left school and joined the work force, I could see evidence of all the same things you see from teenagers and the like. Bullying, social rejection, petty fights and gossip... People don't seem to grow up, and they are always quick to judge. Sometimes you don't even need to look different to be ridiculed or alienated. But I must confess to being quick to judge from time to time also. One positive, atleast the one's that do accept you from the get go are more likely to be genuinely good people

There is alot of cruel people out there, sometimes there are some good one's, if you look hard enough... Just my two bob

 

[Swing Motorman]

Keep your chin up and your smile bright! It helps to realize that for every person you pass or meet who reacts rudely, probably an equal number pass you by in some form of silent admiration. I strongly believe this is the case, for both guys and gals. It's just people are more likely to say a rude comment than a polite one anymore... *shrug*

Now just let me drop one of my "allow-a-guy-one-post-in-the-Powder-Room" tokens in the register, and I'll excuse myself. :yo:


-Steven

 

[Auld Edwardian]

Attention All Ladies! I ask your forgiveness for unintentionally wandering into your private space. As you can see by the number of posts I have made I am new to the Fedora Lounge and did not look closely enough to see that original posting was in an area reserved for the Ladies, please believe me no such breach of etiquette was ever intended, and I will look ever so much more closely in the future. Please forgive the unintentional intrusion, it shall not happen again. Most Respectfully and Remorsefully Yours,

 

[Tomasso]

Attention All Ladies! I ask your forgiveness for unintentionally wandering into your private space. As you can see by the number of posts I have made I am new to the Fedora Lounge and did not look closely enough to see that original posting was in an area reserved for the Ladies,

Relax.Men are allowed to post in the Powder Room (with the exception of lingerie threads) as long as they keep a respectful tone to their comments.

 

[rue]

^ and Tomasso would know

 

[Tomasso]

[angel]

 

[Kitty_Sheridan]

I remember feeling awkward and out of place at school, I felt as though I had nothing in common with them, I liked books and vintage clothes and old films. I mixed and matched my eras and styles.
I found it difficult, but recently a girl who terrified me at school as she was 'the pretty, cool one' said on Facebook 'oh you were so cool...you dressed so great we were intimidated by you!'
I did a silent 'yay'.
Chin up,
K

 

[4spurs]

"I have absolutely nothing in common with them."

That's right, not now, or ever. You'll never have anything in common with those folks, and that is just the way it is. That being said, you'll encounter those folks everyday in your life, you'll have to navigate your way through and around them throughout your life. Learn how to handle them, disarm them, and deal with them, that's all you have to do.

If you ever find a planet with your kind be certain to put down roots and take up dancing.

 

[sheeplady]

"I have absolutely nothing in common with them."

That's right, not now, or ever. You'll never have anything in common with those folks, and that is just the way it is. That being said, you'll encounter those folks everyday in your life, you'll have to navigate your way through and around them throughout your life. Learn how to handle them, disarm them, and deal with them, that's all you have to do.

I think that it is a combination of the above, with the statement that it will get better for you once you are older and out of school. I think you have an awesome self-confidence and you have to remind yourself that you are awesome. Once you walk away from high school you'll see some of these individuals fall apart- once they loose their social hierarchy they'll fall to pieces. Others have their taunts of others become reality for them- the taunters become the tauntees. Others stay the same old negative people. The difference is that you'll have more mobility. Because you are older, you have more control, and can say no to these types of things easier. It doesn't make them go away, but they become less important, because you're not in the same space.

However, you're always going to meet nasty people. I know one person who constantly twists anything anyone says into a nasty comment about the person, even a compliment to this person becomes a jab at the complimenter (and this person is in her sixties). I think that learning mental self-defense is important, but I also think that if a person takes self-defense too far it can become offense, particularly if a person aims to hurt the other person rather than just preserve her/himself. A person needs to be careful that they are not saying or doing things out of anger or malice to hurt the other person, even though they may sometimes want to.

 

[Lady Jessica]

One thing I've noticed to help cope is if someone compliments you but means it as an insult (like, "Nice dress" in a snarky tone) you can take it as a real compliment and throw them off ("Thank you! " and walk away). They are usually too confused to talk again until you're long gone. At least in my experiences. They're also usually embarrassed since their insult did nothing to you. Other than that I generally just ignore other people who are rude and mind my own.

I'm only nineteen so I definitely understand how hard it can be. I lived on my own for a while and while I did I grew up quite a bit. Being my own person isn't as hard now as it was nine months ago. It gets easier with time I think... and if you're in high school that's the hardest time of all since you're forced to be in their same area for hours at a time. I was in theater. They're much more accepting of the "weird" type.

If you need to talk to anyone feel free to PM me. I come on every now and then.

 

[Hey_Laaaaaady!]

Thanks, everyone. I love coming here, you all are so encouraging.

I know I came off sounding rather bitter in my first post, but that wasn't intentional; I was just ranting and I had nowhere else to rant. I didn't mean to 'air my dirty laundry' so to speak; I've rather an aversion to that myself, but you all were very kind about it.

I suppose I should add that I've always been rather intimidated by people my own age. I always feel that they are so judgmental, but in saying that, I realize that I'm being judgmental myself. It's hard to remember that I need to be as accepting of others as I wish they would be of me (did that make sense?) but you all have reminded me of that, and given me boatloads of encouragement besides, so thank you. :hugs: I think the acceptance bit is something I just need to work on, so I'll try not to mind what other people think of me from now on.

 

[nosferaturoams]

Thanks, everyone. I love coming here, you all are so encouraging.

I know I came off sounding rather bitter in my first post, but that wasn't intentional; I was just ranting and I had nowhere else to rant. I didn't mean to 'air my dirty laundry' so to speak; I've rather an aversion to that myself, but you all were very kind about it.

I suppose I should add that I've always been rather intimidated by people my own age. I always feel that they are so judgmental, but in saying that, I realize that I'm being judgmental myself. It's hard to remember that I need to be as accepting of others as I wish they would be of me (did that make sense?) but you all have reminded me of that, and given me boatloads of encouragement besides, so thank you. :hugs: I think the acceptance bit is something I just need to work on, so I'll try not to mind what other people think of me from now on.

Goodjob! I understand it's hard (I'm seventeen so I'm pretty sure we can relate somehow ) but schools almost over. Then you can be with whomever you please ! I myself only have a week and a half left before my 4 years are over. Pat yourself on the back for having lasted so long Laaady

 

[Stray Cat]

I suppose I should add that I've always been rather intimidated by people my own age. I always feel that they are so judgmental, but in saying that, I realize that I'm being judgmental myself.

I had a teacher some time ago, and she would always say "Kids are monsters. They will hurt you just because they sense that you are different". She was right.
If you prefer reading than gaming.. they will call you "nerd"
If you prefer short hair than long one, they will call you "tomboy" (and some other, gender offensive ways)
If you prefer theater.. and say "no" to night of vodka and loose memory.. you must be "freak" or just plain "weirdo".
..all in all..
Teens are pack-oriented. If you don't "fit the pack", you will be (in some way) picked.
It's how they "work".
And it's easy to get over.. I just said myself: at least I'm not wearing those jeans that make most of their (let's call them "bottoms") big.
And it helped..
Years later.. they see me, still looking the way I do (fabulously vintage).. they have nothing more to say to me.. because they have no style.. and they STILL wear those jeans that make their asses (Oops. I meant to say "bottoms") big.