How to treat a lady...?

[Naama]

So, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, about a girl we went to school with. The last time I met her, she had a crush on a guy, and so I asked my friend if she knew if there is something going on now. My friend told me, she's not longer interested in him, since he is "too nice" eek: too nice????!!). I was so shocked to hear something like that, so I was like; How stupid? How can someone be too nice? And my friend said; Well, I also prever a guy who is a bit of an ****.

Is the whole world crazy? Why are some women like that? I just don't get it.....


Naama

 

[Viviene]

Oh boy I have a story to add here. Back in the 1950s when my aunt was dating my uncle, my dad's family really did not like my uncle. SO my dad fixed my aunt up on a date while my uncle was in Germany in the service. She went out with this guy and had a nice time. When she came back my dad asked her how it went. She said she had fun. He asked her if she was going out with him again. Her answer was no. He asked her why and she said, "He's too nice."

Flash forward to 1977. I was dating this young man I met on a band trip. We were both seniors at two different high schools. I dated him 3 times. The third time I came home from my date. My dad asked me how things were going. I told him that I had told the young man I didn't want to see him anymore. My dad asked me why. I said, "He's too nice." My dad just looked at me and started yelling "What do you mean he's too nice?"

Of course I did not know about the stuff with my aunt until after my dad died and I was talking to my mom about it the week before she died. Evidently my Dad was always the "too nice" guy and my uncle was the ones the girls chased after.

My Dad did not understand that what I meant was that there was no physical attraction at all. I just didn't know how to say it. Could that be what your friend means? I know it's what I meant. LOL.

 

[The Wingnut]

Naama,

Ever heard the phrase, 'nice guys finish last'? It's got some truth to it. Many women prefer a man that's a bit of a jerk...not because he's a jerk, but because the jerk quality projects a sort of false confidence. Confidence is extremely attractive. It also projects an air of danger or adventure.

Also, the subconscious reasoning goes, if a someone is a jerk and yet still shows favor or affection towards you, that makes the affection more unique or special.

On top of all this, it can be a put-off if someone is far too willing to please you. It can get annoying or even creepy if someone is willing to do anything to make you happy.

There are many more reasons that your typical 'nice' guy gets passed up for someone that's a complete creep, but these are the major ones.

 

[LizzieMaine]

I've never understood the whole bad-boy thing, maybe because I saw what happened to my mother as a result of it: when the High School Bad Boy grows up to be a no-account poolroom loafer who can't hold a job, a lot of the magic tends to wear off.

Me, my childhood crushes were *always* on the Nice Guys. So there.

 

[LadyDeWinter]

Naama,

It can get annoying or even creepy if someone is willing to do anything to make you happy.

Oh, I don't agree. I like these kind of gentlemen who do anything to make you happy. That's the best I can imaging. I like nice guys.

 

[beaucaillou]

I understand the phrase "too nice" in regards to men as meaning also "spineless," and there's not a quality that's *less attractive* than that.

I like about 0% jerk in the men I'm attracted to, but I do like someone who knows how to stand up for himself and who is not the World's, or my, doormat. I think there is a great distance between 'confident' and 'jerk.'

Jerks don't go far with me and neither do jellyfish. Self-possessed, kind, and passionate on the other hand, might go a little ways...

 

[pigeon toe]

Oh goodness, for awhile I thought my boyfriend fell into the "too nice" category. It was during the beginning of our relationship, but niceness wasn't the problem. It was more like "smothering" and, like Beaucaillou said, "spineless". However, I was also getting used to being my first relationship, so I was kinda freaked out by the attention!

Obviously, those things have improved and 2 years later I'm so proud to have a boyfriend who is such a nice guy. My mom even got jealous of my boyfriend and I, saying my dad never opens doors for her! On the other hand, my boyfriend's chivalry has made me aware of the fact that so many other men are neither kind nor chivalrous.

 

[beaucaillou]

My mom even got jealous of my boyfriend and I, saying my dad never opens doors for her! On the other hand, my boyfriend's chivalry has made me aware of the fact that so many other men are neither kind nor chivalrous.

Being a single gal, I think I'm subconsciously (and consciously) looking for a gentleman with a sense of chivalry and respect, and I'm a bit disheartened that they seem so hard to encounter.

I definitely would like to encounter a partner like Pigeon Toe's own, who has decency enough to open doors and stand up when I excuse myself at a table, but also one who knows when to stand up to me!

 

[Viviene]

Just so you know.... I married a "nice guy" who opens doors for ladies, treats me with respect and adores our little girls. He said he just had to wait to find his "other half" longer than others. We're married 23 years this month and hooray for nice guys!

 

[RetroModelSari]

I love nice guys. I just fall in love if someone seems to be a really nice person. I don´t go so much for looks. My boyfriend spended many many weekends with me before we got together, actually every of his weekends and didn´t press me to anything. He was sleeping on "his" side of the bed every weekend until I decided that I want a relationship with him. How many men would do that without trying to get a hold on you sooner or later?

And he´s still like that today. He carries heavy bags for me and goes doing the laundry (in exchange I cook every evening). What can I say... He is a nice guy and I´ll never let him go again

 

[CanadaDoll]

So where are they over here?!?!
Maybe I'm hardwired to have bad judgement when it comes to men, I have yet to find one.[huh]

 

[Cherriexo]

Guys are never nice or classy,and the ones who say they are you watch out for.

So for now,bulldogs are my biggest crush.

Id much rather have something that snores and cant divorce me for his secretary

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

Naama,

Ever heard the phrase, 'nice guys finish last'? It's got some truth to it. Many women prefer a man that's a bit of a jerk...not because he's a jerk, but because the jerk quality projects a sort of false confidence. Confidence is extremely attractive. It also projects an air of danger or adventure.

Also, the subconscious reasoning goes, if a someone is a jerk and yet still shows favor or affection towards you, that makes the affection more unique or special.

On top of all this, it can be a put-off if someone is far too willing to please you. It can get annoying or even creepy if someone is willing to do anything to make you happy.

There are many more reasons that your typical 'nice' guy gets passed up for someone that's a complete creep, but these are the major ones.

Wingnut hit on some true points in this issue. As a basically "nice" guy myself, I have had my share of romantic troubles because of my innate niceness.
But instead of reversing my behaviour to that of a "jerk", I stress my real confidence instead. A more independent attitude and I am not afraid to speak my mind and be accused of being a smart azz.
Think Han Solo as opposed to Darth Vader. A little rough around the edges but still one of the good guys.
I think guys don't have to go overboard,(unless of course they are mentally ill or something) and be just plain cruel, and I feel sorry for women that apparently don't have the self esteem to avoid a totally selfish jerk. I have seen far too many women that I really liked go for complete idiots. :rage:

 

[Shearer]

Man, I can't agree more with Wingnut, beaucaillou, and Nick Danger!

Nice guys are the best, and finding one is like finding a needle in a needle stack! But like beaucailou said, it always seems like the nice guys I thought I found ended up to be the smotherers. In fact, it's gotten to be that smothering is my Number One Dealbreaker.

Nick Danger's right though, you don't have to be a jerk to be desirable. I think he hit it on the head with what he said about being confident and independent. I know it sounds weird, but I hate it when I'm the guy's ONLY interest! I have lots of interests and hobbies, and he should too. Sure, I like a guy to take care of me sometimes, but nothing's more unattractive to me than some fella waiting around 24/7 to see what MY next move is.

It's fun sometimes to be the Hunter and not just the Prey

 

[HadleyH]

A lady? Nahh!
I"d prefer to be treated like a Queen rather than a lady.
But being a Queen of course is very different from being a lady. lol

(Not my words but Ernest Hemingway's, he knew about these things )

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I used to like jerks when I was in my early 20s. I think it was because my self-esteem was so low and I didn't think I deserved any better.

BUT!! When I was 23 I got into silent and 1930s movies, I gained TONS of self-esteem and old fashioned "ladylike"ness, and swore off all the jerks I was dating! After watching all the fabulous gentlemen in those old movies, I began to see that I didn't deserve such treatment anymore. And I didn't date again until I was 27 when I met my current husband.

He's the nicest guy EVER. We go together so well and was worth being single for for 4 1/2 years.

 

[jitterbugdoll]

I agree with beaucaillou--there is a big difference between 'too nice' and 'spineless.'

I was never attracted to the 'bad boy' type either; I simply didn't have the time to play the type of games that often come with that sort of image.

There is nothing I like more then being with a person who treats me well, cares about my well-being, and is willing to go out of his way to make me feel special. It is nice to know that someone will always be there for you, and I am more than willing to reciprocate.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

I agree with beaucaillou--there is a big difference between 'too nice' and 'spineless.'

I was never attracted to the 'bad boy' type either; I simply didn't have the time to play the type of games that often come with that sort of image.

There is nothing I like more then being with a person who treats me well, cares about my well-being, and is willing to go out of his way to make me feel special. It is nice to know that someone will always be there for you, and I am more than willing to reciprocate.

I wish all women made perfect sense the way you do, doll.

 

[Lady Day]

Here is my contribution:

A co worker of mine has an interest in this girl he met at a club. They chatted for a bit and she told him where she worked (total in!). So he went to visit her, a couple of times, both without asking her out.

Now, I speak 'girl' and Im sudo fluent in 'boy' so I told him this.

This girl, you have gone to her work to see her two times, right? And you have not asked her out?

Yes. He said.

You are hitting the 'creepy guy' zone.

Whats that?

Most girls have a fella they know who likes them who comes around sometimes to hang around them. They dont give any clear intentions, but they keep showing up. You have come by her work twice to 'drop by', yet have shown no intention.

Yes...

Creeeeepyyyy..... You need to make it clear that you like her, and ask her out, or you will be in the creepy zone forever. You are not there yet, but a third trip to her work (all in two weeks mind you) will most definitely turn her creep-o-meeter on. Make a move, do something. Dont just be the nice ambiguous guy she knows.

Oh, I get it! Thanks.

Thats my job.

LD

 

[Shearer]

Thats my job.

LD

I salute you Lady Day, you sent a wiser man out into the world!