How to handle yard/estate sale thugs?

[Joie DeVive]

I'm sure I could have acquired many things in life, including getting my way, if I had cried and pouted and stomped my feet.

Hey! I didn't say cry to get your way! I advocated crying to ensure that a filthy cad be humiliated enough to encourage him not to shove females to the ground in the future... And I admitted it was a little childish... (not to mention manipulative.. )

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Hey! I didn't say cry to get your way! I advocated crying to ensure that a filthy cad be humiliated enough to encourage him not to shove females to the ground in the future... And I admitted it was a little childish... (not to mention manipulative.. )

Oh, I thought your example was funny! I was responding to Miss 1929:

"Crying works really well on men! Even if they don't care, it makes it really obvious that they did something really bad to you, and everyone pays attention."

(I should have quoted her with my post.)

 

[Joie DeVive]

Oh, I thought your example was funny! I was responding to Miss 1929:

Oh, thanks! No worries, I misunderstood.

 

[Miss 1929]

ouch.

I assume that was for me, too...

Use the quote, Luke!

 

[StraightEight]

Myrna Loy would have just slugged 'em.

Of course, it wouldn't be till later that you knew whether it was worth it or not.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

I assume that was for me, too...

Use the quote, Luke!

OK. But who is Luke?

 

[Miss 1929]

OK. But who is Luke?

It was a take on "Use the Force, Luke!". You know, Star Wars?

 

[PrettySquareGal]

It was a take on "Use the Force, Luke!". You know, Star Wars?

Oh.

 

[Feraud]

I assume that was for me, too...

Use the quote, Luke!

Yep. I thought your kick comment was funny.

 

[Miss 1929]

Yep. I thought your kick comment was funny.

As long as you're not on the receiving end...
People should never get in the way of dedicated vintage collectors. It gets ugly.

 

[Miss 1929]

Oh.

Some things just don't work when typed... sorry if I was being obscure...

 

[Diamondback]

Which is why I woulda wrapped "Use the quote" in my little "voice" tags, myself.

In this case: [voice=Obi-Wan Kenobi] ... [/voice]

lol

 

[Nathan Flowers]

NEWS FLASH

Saturday, 0500 hours. I was tootling around on a "Scouting Mission". Scouting for "deals", that is. I had awakened early, hoping to "score big" on some killer deals at my local estate/yard sales. This is can be a cut throat business, so I was armed to to teeth.

An "estater" like me always carries things like duct tape, 200 feet of rope, and "gorilla glue" to secure things to themselves when walking around the sale. If I see something I want, I tie/tape/glue it to my rope and myself, thus showing that I am "fully engaged" to buy said items.

As I pulled into the driveway of 441 Everham Terrace, I spotted the sale.

"SITREP"
Four tables, with assorted items, covered in sheets.
Two assorted size sale owners, arranged in a defensive flank. You could tell, they would want "Top Dollar", or whatever your preferred method of Fiat Currency for their wares, which they began to uncover.

Instantly, I pounced into action. Tagging, taping, and tying in a flurry of duct and rope. I tied bowlines to a stairmaster, a Zenith Vintage Floor Radio weighing about 40 pounds, and several stacks of Field and Stream.
Until I found this.

It is what appears to be a vintage or vintage styled oleo dish. I was determined. I had to have it for my collection. I turned to face it, and took my first stride.
Suddenly, I sensed an approach from behind.

Mission Intel:

Normally, I don't appreciate a "hindquarters approach", but as General Patton said: "When in Rome..."

Again, suddenly, I sensed that this was not a "FAOFTET" (Friendly Approach On Foot To Establish Territory).

This, was Serious Business.

Instantly, I crouched into a "Rear Guard" stance, and attempted to Stop, Drop, and Roll into my assailant, when suddenly again, I was stopped. This robber baron had stepped on my shoelaces.

In slow motion, I fell. Instantly, I attempted to throw my hands in front of me in a DGNITF (Dear God Not In The Face) movement, but as I was already attached to the Zenith Floor Radio, Pain & Potentially Serious Harm (otherwise known as my fists) were pulled back behind me as I began to go horizontal, and not in a good way.

Fortunately, the fall was cushioned by the stack of Sealy Posture-Pedic Pillows said sale owners were attempting to unload.

I rose slowly, seeking to apprehend, or seriously and instantly accost my flank assailant. I nearly instantly spotted him. The 400x power of my steel framed spectacles were more than enough for this day's duty.

He was a man of sharp features. The kind of man that looked like he ate fish for breakfast. And he was holding my oleo dish.

Instantly, I rose. Internally, I battled a war. Should I let it go? Let this beast of a man take my oleo dish, and be on his way? A tactical retreat, if you will. Or should I stand up for myself, and every other Estater like me?

You know my decision. I approached with caution, making sure that my footsteps were heard. They were heavy, like wet books.

"You'd better drop that oleo dish, friendo."

"Is that a fly buzzing?"

"I said to drop it, pal."

He turned to look at me. I dropped my left shoulder, which may have appeared to him as a flinch, when it was only me preparing to inflict damage upon him.

"I'm not your friend, buddy."

His mouth slipped into a wicked smile. The kind of smile that looked like an alligator gar had climbed into his mouth. My left eye twitched.

"That oleo dish was mine. You pushed me down to get it.", I said from behind a menacing smile of my own.

"Looks like you just fell on your own, guy.", he gutted out.

"Too bad it's impossible for me to fall.", I said menacingly.

"Come take it, if you want it.", he threatened.

Instantly, Pain & Potentially Serious Harm flew from my sides in a rage. They were going to potentially inflict serious harm on his face, and possibly his lower quarters. Don't forget...I fight to win...and I fight dirty.

He stood there unflinching, as Pain flew through the air at his face. I thought that surprising. My fists must have been moving so fast that he didn't even see them coming. He would feel the crushing bone and spurting blood soon.

Then nothing. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that I was tied to all the aforementioned goods, including that Zenith Radio. My fists never made it to his face, or anywhere near his lower quarters. They swung in the air in a flurry of movement, reaching nothing but molecules of nitrogen, oxygen, and carbon dioxide (air, for you laypersons).

Suddenly, his arm exploded with a force only used by animals or potentially alien invaders. The fist attached to it slammed right into my eye. I fell, instantly, to the ground, and groped in pain. This wasn't right. It was my destiny to have that dish.

Instead, all I was left with was this black eye and the peculiar smell of fish.

 

[Lefty]

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to laugh. It seems really funny, unless it actually happened. Either way, nice shiner and well written story.

 

[sixsexsix]

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

 

[LondonLuke]

OK. But who is Luke?

hello



And I'm gonna have to agree with Lefty about Zohar's story

 

[JohnnyGringo]

I may have taken that type of punishment for the Borsalino that Lefty recently found at the local antique mall-even though I doubt things ever get that carried away in a more civilized environment, but I'm not so sure the shiner you're sporting was worth it for the Oleo bowl...oh well, to each his own, I guess...you are to be commended, however, for your perseverance.

 

[Nathan Flowers]

I think my next draft will require more adverbs, more bold text, and more uses of the words "instantly", and "suddenly"

 

[Feraud]

I hope this is a Photoshop gag and you did not get socked in the eye over the bowl!

 

[Nathan Flowers]

I hope this is a Photoshop gag and you did not get socked in the eye over the bowl!

I was standing up for my rights, and teaching them never to shove anybody around again! I bet their fist hurts like hell.