How to handle a less desirable gift

[Shimmy Sally]

My grandmother told me that we should never judge the quality of a gift. The old-fashioned idea is that acting as though a gift is not good enough for us is quite rude and tacky. To the refined and well-bred, a givers intention was considered more important than their taste or budget. We certainly have a different perspective these days, but we no longer have such rigid and odd divisions and social classes.

I'm just curious how all of YOU usually respond to a thoughtless or otherwise unappealing gift? Are you sarcastic, painfully honest, sincere yet tactful, or do you give a flat-out white-lie?

http://www.advancedetiquette.com/newsletter/dec04_issue.htm

Also, what uncomfortable receiving situations have you been in and how did you deal with them? I once was given a gift with the price tag attached. I thought it was a mistake until the giver boasted to me that it was "very expensive". That is very taboo in my upbringing. I assumed he was brought up to believe that spending a lot of money shows how much one cares. I just told him I was touched by the consideration he had put into it.

 

[Vermifuge]

My grandmother told me that we should never judge the quality of a gift. The old-fashioned idea is that acting as though a gift is not good enough for us is quite rude and tacky. To the refined and well-bred, a givers intention was considered more important than their taste or budget. We certainly have a different perspective these days, but we no longer have such rigid and odd divisions and social classes.

I'm just curious how all of YOU usually respond to a thoughtless or otherwise unappealing gift? Are you sarcastic, painfully honest, sincere yet tactful, or do you give a flat-out white-lie?

http://www.advancedetiquette.com/newsletter/dec04_issue.htm

Also, what uncomfortable receiving situations have you been in and how did you deal with them? I once was given a gift with the price tag attached. I thought it was a mistake until the giver boasted to me that it was "very expensive". That is very taboo in my upbringing. I assumed he was brought up to believe that spending a lot of money shows how much one cares. I just told him I was touched by the consideration he had put into it.

I tend to just say "thank you" and either i give it away or send it off to good will

 

[Elaina]

lol the fact I get a gift at all is pretty amazing. I always give a heart felt thank you, send a thank you letter, and then either use it or stick it up. I may use it sometime later.

 

[farnham54]

My dear mother's addage always rings true: It's the thought that counts.

Cheers
Craig

 

[Paisley]

I tend to just say "thank you" and either i give it away or send it off to good will

That's exactly what I do.

With about one-half the Christmas gifts I receive. I just don't need more stuff.

 

[katiemakeup]

Exactly! Be gracious the re gift!lol

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

I tend to be gracious when given any kind of gift, no matter what it is. The fact is, being given a gift is to receive an act of kindness. Peoples tastes, budgets, thought of what you might like all differ.
When I give a gift I try to put myself in the receivers shoes, think about what it is they would really like, and most likely not go out and splurge on for themselves.
So, no matter what is being given, it is really the thought that counts.

However, I do have one silly story about actually giving a gift back to someone because it was just so horrible. My late Grandpa Marty was married to this bad woman (if you can even give her that kind of credit). By the time I started upper school she had moved them to Florida. If we were lucky, we spoke to him a handful of times a year, in the beginning. The last five years they lived there, we didn't speak at all. Anyway, for my 16'th birthday, out of the blue, I received a present. It was a bright orange and turquoise wooly fell sweater with gold and purple plastic bells dangling all over it. To top it all off, it might have fit a five year old!! My mom was a bit upset, that after all that time she would send me this thing, that wouldn't even remotely fit, and if it had it wasn't fit for public viewing. I wanted to just throw it out, but my mom insisted on sending it back to her. Needless to say, a fight ensued, Grandpas wife was very insulted. Oh Well, that was the only time I ever returned a gift. It really was the ugliest flea market find that has ever been found!!
Otherwise, when receiving a gift I am very gracious.

 

[Mojito]

It really is the thought that counts...and in that case, Daisy, it sounds like any thought at all that went into purchasing that gift was the negative kind!

I don't think there really is an option (unless you're caught in exceptional circumstances like Daisy). Accept the gift in the spirit in which it was given - if, for example, you're given a book or CD by your favourite writer or artist, of which you've already had a copy for years, you smile warmly and enthuse that no, of course you haven't got that one, and you're absolutely delighted by it!

Although with very close family and friends you can get (and give) a truthful response to the anxious question of "I hope you don't have this one yet?"

In matters of aesthetics, however, it's usually a case of "this is just what I wanted!" Or, if you can't bring yourself to lie outright, exclaim "what an unusual tie!" or "what amazing colours in that scarf - who would have thought purple came in that shade?"

 

[farnham54]

Mojito,

I agree completley--In the case of the CD:

"I hope you havn't already got this one!"

"Actually you know what I do, but it's got a terrible scratch on the case that just drives me nuts! I'm so glad to have a new copy!" etc.

Same can go for a lot of things; Not lying--just bending the facts for the sake of everyone's right mind.

Cheers
Craig

 

[Lady Day]

I rarely get gifts. My family really does not know me well enough to shop for me, so they get me 'filler' gifts, random items that are alright to give just for the gesture of giving.

I on the other hand tend to give segmental gifts. I pay attention to what people are saying, and give presents that may not be expensive, but can be kept for sentimental reasons. Like for my friend, I made her baby's first baby blanket and got her a christening book. I give things like that.


LD

 

[Viola]

I say "thank you, it was so sweet of you to think of me" if I can't come up with anything more specific that would also be believable.

Viola

 

[patrick1987]

You shouldn't have

It is hilarious that it is ok to hurt peoples feelings by giving them thoughtless "it's the thought that counts" gifts but oh no, never to hurt the gift-giver or re-gifter's feelings. If I practice saying, smiling deferentially, "Oh, no, I really can't accept this...." it might work. Let them take it to Goodwill for me.

 

[melankomas]

i'm generally honest. for example, once someone gave me cut flowers. i was genuinely happy that someone thought enough of me to give them. so, i quite honestly stated that i don't like flowers, and that it would make me very happy to go with the giver to a local hospital and give them to someone who would have a slightly brighter day because of the flowers. we asked a nurse or attendant which room hadn't received visitors or flowers or cards, et cetera, and had a bit of a visit with that person. it was great fun.

 

[farnham54]

Melankomas,

Brilliant--simply brilliant. I was wondering, how did you friend take to this idea? It certainly is not only diplomatic, but honest and charitable as well.

Cheers
Craig

 

[scotrace]

"Thanks a lot for this insensitive bit of codswallop you've dredged up from yet another downtown dumpster, you thoughtless thicky! "

??? no?

 

[BegintheBeguine]

lol lol lol lol lol lol

 

[CharlieH.]

I never open them until I'm alone in my room, where I can cuss all I want upon the unwrapping.

 

[Paisley]

The only time I ever refused a gift was when a coworker gave me (through another coworker) a bracelet. We hardly knew each other, and he didn't get bracelets for anyone else in the office.

It was a cheap plastic bracelet; I didn't even have the satisfaction of throwing diamonds back at him.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

My only story...

involves an uncle getting me -another- bottle of the same perfume as the year before...

of course Clinque's Happy isnt really my smell...so i still had 3/4 of the previous years bottle.

Thanked him...etc etc....

A week later, walked into Nordstrom and the clinque counter, explained to them the situation, like it but still have a bottle, didnt want to hurt givers feelings etc etc.....and could I exchange it for other products of theirs?

I ended up with stuff I could use...and I still have 3/4 of a bottle of Happy if I ever need to wear it in his presence.

 

[Paisley]

It is hilarious that it is ok to hurt peoples feelings by giving them thoughtless "it's the thought that counts" gifts but oh no, never to hurt the gift-giver or re-gifter's feelings. If I practice saying, smiling deferentially, "Oh, no, I really can't accept this...." it might work. Let them take it to Goodwill for me.

By your standard, I'd refuse most of the gifts my family gives me. I'd rather smile and nod and say thank you and quietly dispose of the gifts later than hurt their feelings.

Only my father has ever refused one of my gifts (it was something he already had). Anyone but my parents who did that wouldn't have to consider what to do with another unwanted gift from me.