how do i do it irritate so many so fast.

[59Lark]

IT amazing how our opinion is so far different from others. This forum is enlighting to me, my world is so narrow and small and this forum has such a wide spectrum of different points of view and perspectives. You have people from the smallest towns and you have people from largest cities and you have people from down under. NOW you have a common point being the retro thing, am beginning to see how much different we all are. I have a child with asbergers and my world has been getting a lot smaller and we cant go where its noisy and crowded and we cant go where its too loud or too bright. People dont understand and you are labelled and left out, was an active member of a church for nearly twenty years and now its as if i never attended and havent been for a year and no one has called or bothered to enquire and its sad. The way society treats someone different is sad, if you dont fit it get out and stay out. I thank everyone on this forum for showing me not to be so narrow minded and open thinking without asking to change my ways. I beginning to see that the world is a big place and its actually quite scary and being my way is a security blanket to some degree. I Actually have to get off this computer and finish repairing a 1952 sewing machine and load a van to go to amish country to sell treadle sewing machines so i am not actually in this world anyway. So long 59LARK.

 

[metropd]

Broadening your(proverbial) mind, and constantly reevaluating your ideas is key to mental growth and evolving as better and wiser individual. It was enlightening to read your post. I am so happy for you! I wish you, your son, and your family a prosperous and healthy journey.

 

[Foofoogal]

Friends are nice to have but family is everything when it boils down to it IMHO.
People are pretty much interested in whatever circulates around them at the moment I have found.
I often wonder especially after this last year how disconnected people really are.
I heard the other day teens on average text each other about 88 times a day.
This last weekend I was at a very nice wedding and reception at a country club. Sitting near me was a whole bevy of beautiful young women in late teens and early 20s. All dolled up in sundresses. I told my husband I was going to see how long it took the guys to find them.
The band played on and on. Finally an old couple got up to dance and some older woman sitting next to me stated that she wondered if the young ones would ever dance.
A few guys finally came around the ladies but it was the strangest thing to watch.
The art of communicating is a waning thing I guess.
People get so busy they are just wrapped up in their world. They may of missed you at church but didn't want to bug you about going but I completely understand what you are saying.

 

[Nathan Dodge]

Isn't odd that with so many convenient communication devices, that many people are still socially inept? Oh, the irony...

As for family and friends, it's been my experience that just because you happen to live under the same roof because you and your siblings and parents were hurled together through some kind of cosmic lottery doesn't mean you're going to be close. Friendship, however can be infinitely more valuable if you happen "only" to have a few close, cherished friends. You'd be surprised at how many friendships are actually "friendly acquaintances" that are only meant to provide a small period of growth and then they naturally fall away. Once again, just my experience.

 

[scottyrocks]

Yes, families, and how we relate to them as individuals, certainly have a level of 'arbitrariness,' no matter how hard we may try to do the best we can.

Sometimes, mid-life, one is thrown, pushed, or just discovers a new family that is what s/he has been looking for their whole life. Sometimes this new situation solidifies bits and pieces of formerly semi-alienated extended family.

All I know is I cant wait.

 

[Ethan Bentley]

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles but I am glad you're seeing the positives of life too. It's a pretty big compliment that you've paid the members of the Fedora Lounge so thank you.

I think having a sense of self is as important as ever and the realisation of the fact that many things are for a season and not all friends are around forever, I find this is a difficult thing to comprehend, but there will be some that will be with you for the long haul.

I hope things pick up and I wish you, your son and your family all my very best.

Keep us posted

 

[Foofoogal]

I was speaking more of immediate family as in spouse and children.

One wise person told me once that to remember you have different friends for different things. One to bear your soul to and one to maybe have a cup of tea once in awhile. As someone that tends to wear their heart on their sleeve it has helped me.

As to the OP I enjoy your simplicity of life and reading your postings.

I have a real love/hate relationship with the FL but it does serve a purpose in my life. Strange really.
As I am new to a new town it has become a bit of a sounding board. I am debating on jumping into the social scene with both feet. At this juncture in my life not sure I want to answer 1000 ?'s to complete strangers.
I personally feel sometimes God gives us rest for ourselves from ourselves. lol

I think to the OP it may be a bit of the same. To be able to visit the Amish would be a delightful peaceful thing I imagine.

 

[Paisley]

was an active member of a church for nearly twenty years and now its as if i never attended and havent been for a year and no one has called or bothered to enquire and its sad.

When you were an active member of the church, did you often call people who stopped attending? You probably didn't, not because you were uncaring, but because you weren't close to them. As Foofoogal said, most "friendships" are out of convenience.

If you want a more active social life, you'll have to take the intiative. Invite a few neighbors over for a simple dinner or dessert. Show an interest in them. Your appreciation for people's differences can only help you.

 

[Miss 1929]

You don't irritate me!

It's funny - the title of your post seems to have nothing to do with the rest of it.
I am sorry you are going through the Long Dark Teatime of the Soul. It is difficult. But definitely, bringing other people into your home will help not only you but your son to feel more connected (and in a safe way for him).
And I agree, it is a compliment to us that you can feel free to say whatever you like to us.

 

[59Lark]

only daughters no sons at all.

The previous title was meant that sometimes when i post it seems that i irritate some, maybe not. Like my daughter I often read a response that isnt so, hers is quite often with a facial expression or emotion. She looks at a person and interpets a certain emotion such as disgust or repulsion when actually that is not what the person really is thinking. Living with a child with asbergers is trying . I once posted to a lounger that was asking about moving to a large city, my response was stay away from larger cities, and that if the world crumbles that will be the last place you want to be. The response was that i was pretty narrow minded, and it was true. The answer to that is, i am paranoid at best. Also i was raised on a farm and have a poor opinion of large cities, get me in and get out. Also i have read a fair amount of doom sayer books, including the long emergency. The author states that it is just a matter of time , with dependency on cheap oil, and the potential for a flu epademic like the ones in old time. Also i talk too much and interupt people a nasty habit that i havent been able to get rid of. Again no sons only girls, infact no one in my family has be able to have one of each, only boys or only girls. And this has carried on too the next generation of my mothers grandchildren what gene is this. 59LARK.fftopic:

 

[Ethan Bentley]

T Like my daughter I often read a response that isnt so, hers is quite often with a facial expression or emotion.

That is incredibly easy to when speaking via text online, I occasionally catching myself doing it. I think that's why I use MSN less, everyone just seemed less remote.
Face to face or on the "dog and bone" is the way forward.

 

[Miss 1929]

Whoops, don't know why I thought she was a boy!

Also i talk too much and interupt people a nasty habit that i havent been able to get rid of

A problem I battle as well, part of having ADD. The medication helps a lot with that.

A lot of us with "minimal brain dysfunction" (isn't that a swell phrase) like ADD, bi-polar, Asbergers etc., have a hard time with reading facial expressions and body language. I know I do . You might also be borderline, as these things are often generational.

And the text thing is even worse! It's often worth re-reading what you type to be sure you're being clear...

And I know what you mean about the big city thing - I do have a game plan to get out if it gets bad. But I couldn't live in the country again, I go crazy there.

 

[Foofoogal]

Also i talk too much and interupt people a nasty habit that i havent been able to get rid of

you will also do this if you have an overactive thyroid. I am in remission from Graves.

 

[Brooksie]

You don't irritate me either...

I am a very patient person and I don't anger or irritate very easily. However, I pretty much like to tell it how it is so, I am straight forward and honest. People do not always like what I have to say. I also believe that most of us can relate to your comment about not always fitting in with society - look at how most of us dress for goodness sake! (or what we drive, or how we live or the things we like to do - you get the picture).

Brooksie

 

[tuppence]

A problem I battle as well, part of having ADD. The medication helps a lot with that.

A lot of us with "minimal brain dysfunction" (isn't that a swell phrase) like ADD, bi-polar, Asbergers etc., have a hard time with reading facial expressions and body language. I know I do . You might also be borderline, as these things are often generational.

And the text thing is even worse! It's often worth re-reading what you type to be sure you're being clear...

And I know what you mean about the big city thing - I do have a game plan to get out if it gets bad. But I couldn't live in the country again, I go crazy there.

I agree with you Miss1929 I'm bipolar it is so limiting socially. I range from insensitive to over-sensitive so quickly.
Lark it would be worth joining a forum for families or people affected by Asbergers' , You always feel much better when you know there are people out there going through the exact same things. And some of the strategies they use can be taken on board and make your life better.

 

[davestlouis]

As a father of 7, one of whom is autistic, one of whom has some vaguely-defined disorder on the spectrum, I feel your pain. We can't even go out to dinner without an eruption, and wouldn't dream of going on vacation. I try to stay positive, doesn't always work.

 

[Geiamama]

As a father of 7, one of whom is autistic, one of whom has some vaguely-defined disorder on the spectrum, I feel your pain. We can't even go out to dinner without an eruption, and wouldn't dream of going on vacation. I try to stay positive, doesn't always work.

I feel your pain too. As a mother/carer to 8, four of whom have behavioural problems as a result of previous parenting, it can be so draining. Barely an hour goes by without 'the screaming ab-dabs'. It's hard enough dealing with the kids, and my father, without having to deal with the ignorance of others.

Oh and, I know I'm new here, but you don't irritate me either.

 

[59Lark]

oh what anger for the misinformed and ignorant.

Having just recently recieved a firm 1oo% diagnois for my daugther that she indeed has asbergers, knowing in my heart for two years this is what she had. Having asked my older male doctor for a referal to a peditrician and being told she is a teen female, she has just behavourial problems look in the yellow pages for couselling. Spending thousands on specialist and now have that piece of paper that says yes you were right all along. However that doesnt mean that igorant people will believe it , the specialist said, continue homeschooling her, the sounds, teens, pressure of a high school would kill her, maybe only 3 subjects a day, my child is not dumb most of her tests came back univervisty levels, except math. What does my mil says to her alone in a store, as long as you homeschool you will never achieve or go anywhere. She also ran my wife done and made her feel very small that shopping trip. Good thing i wasnt there, my wife now wants to avoid her mom as much as she can, she has had it with her. Having a diagnosis doesnt seem to make it with some people they figure because she fine the one hour that they see her once every two months there is nothing wrong with here. The bias with a disorder like this with people that are not dumies is actually disgusting. HOW does this conditon affect everday life, well listen for some examples, loud noises bells, scratching whines can drive her nuts, sensory overload, bright lights, textures, no touching dont touch her, rub her back or get too close. Textures clothes have to certain fibres some will drive her nuts , too many people will cause her to panic , food conditon has celiac systomes, no chocolate will cause her to flip and meltdown , sugar is a no no hyper hyper, orange pop will flip her around and pepsi will keep her up for 48 hours. What drives me insane is the way people who should know better dont and how they treat you and your child. This explains the shrinking world of friends and i expect better from family. 59LARKfftopic:

 

[Brooksie]

Having just recently recieved a firm 1oo% diagnois for my daugther that she indeed has asbergers, knowing in my heart for two years this is what she had. Having asked my older male doctor for a referal to a peditrician and being told she is a teen female, she has just behavourial problems look in the yellow pages for couselling. Spending thousands on specialist and now have that piece of paper that says yes you were right all along. However that doesnt mean that igorant people will believe it , the specialist said, continue homeschooling her, the sounds, teens, pressure of a high school would kill her, maybe only 3 subjects a day, my child is not dumb most of her tests came back univervisty levels, except math. What does my mil says to her alone in a store, as long as you homeschool you will never achieve or go anywhere. She also ran my wife done and made her feel very small that shopping trip. Good thing i wasnt there, my wife now wants to avoid her mom as much as she can, she has had it with her. Having a diagnosis doesnt seem to make it with some people they figure because she fine the one hour that they see her once every two months there is nothing wrong with here. The bias with a disorder like this with people that are not dumies is actually disgusting. HOW does this conditon affect everday life, well listen for some examples, loud noises bells, scratching whines can drive her nuts, sensory overload, bright lights, textures, no touching dont touch her, rub her back or get too close. Textures clothes have to certain fibres some will drive her nuts , too many people will cause her to panic , food conditon has celiac systomes, no chocolate will cause her to flip and meltdown , sugar is a no no hyper hyper, orange pop will flip her around and pepsi will keep her up for 48 hours. What drives me insane is the way people who should know better dont and how they treat you and your child. This explains the shrinking world of friends and i expect better from family. 59LARKfftopic:

Keep positive people around you as much as possible because they are a good influence in your life try to avoid the negative ones as much as possible. Instill good messages to your daughter let her know she is smart as much as possible and let her know that home schooling is just as effective as regular school and maybe more so. When I was in school I was always told I was slow and I hated it was embarrasing. I just learn different then other people (I am more hands on and visual) but that does not mean that I am dumb. I graduated high school 23 years ago and I never went to college(till now) just trade schools. A few months ago I took my college placement tests in order to start school and they were all the highest level possible except for math also. It is very hard living with the stigma of being slow and it is horrible the things that people, teachers and other kids say. So just keep telling her she is smart and tell her to not listen to what others have to say because there are always a pack of fools in amongst the wisemen/women.

Brooksie

 

[Lady Jessica]

I understand where you're coming from. My sister has aspergers, and she has a very strict 'no eat' menu, and people just don't understand. I've had people completely ignore me when I tell them, "No BHT, no red dye, no yellow dye, no white bread no rootbeer" they give her the stuff and then when she starts screaming and kicking and freaking out, they ask me why we don't make sure she behaves herself. Well, I told you! She's very limited in what she can eat. She can't wait in line at amusement parks, or she starts to scream and pull on things and if people bump into her, she screams bloody murder. When we go to Disneyland, I have to protect her by having her in front of me and my arms out so they smash into me instead of her. We have to bring no-dye allergy medicine with us to give to her before she eats out, or she'll freak out too. No candy at Disneyland either, unless it's a blue sucker. All blue. One time she screamed all the way through Pirates of the Caribbean because my Dad forced her to stay in line, even though I told him that she couldn't handle it and I offered to take her on Mansion and keep her there until they got done with Pirates... It's awful and I know it is. People give you dirty looks and I even had a lady at a movie theater (I had to take her out because she started to scream because we wouldn't tell her whatever we laughed at, because we didn't even remember) tell me I was a horrible parent (Whatever gave her the idea I'm her mom I don't even know) because my child was a screaming brat. Well, her attitude flipped around like crazy when I told her she was autistic, and then she offered to watch her and to tell the theater people so they wouldn't kick us off the property while I went to get my mom.

People don't understand... It's awful and I know it and I'm sorry that you have to put up with it. If it helps any, you aren't alone. My sister is in homeschool because she can't deal with regular school either.