How can you mend a broken heart.....

[MrBern]

heart warming

heres a cute littl romance

http://www.int.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=iol113882000859L146

Guy met Sabine on vacay. Didnt get her full name. Wrote every Sabine in Belgium hoping to find her.
Hopefully he wont turn into a scarey stalker.

 

[Andykev]

Reflection

I find that this is a very varied post. So many answers to one of the most painful sutuations in life. In my experience, I have sat in that chair nunerous times, and it made me a stronger person. Did I like being in that chair? No. And at the time, I could not see past the instant I was living in.

I agree with many suggestions, which all seem to say, be happy for what you had together, and now get on with life and continue on the quest.

As I am approaching half a century in age, and having been happily married for a long time..I still had many "relationships" before the finding my bride. I married relatively late, age 32. Oh, there were many "she's the one" and travel, airplanes, poker nights, motorcycle rides with the guys...my eye was always looking for "her".

This past two years, I buried both my parents. They only had 52 years together in marriage. I think of the wonder that accomplishment is in comparison to what todays society and generations accept as "normal". I have seen what happens to a mother, when her husband preceeds her in death. And other families, I have seen the same thing.

All this means one thing....you have to charge on, be strong, and accept things as they are. Change the things you can, and look for the best.

Maybe you should sit quitely and reflect, and see what it really was that broke up the relationship. Now envision you 30 or 40 years in the future. Was this the person you would be willing to push in a wheel chair? What if 3 years into your marriage, a tragic addicent robbed your life partner of their mobility? Do you have the strength to be there, as they say "Till Death We Do Part"?

Was it her problem, insecurity, immaturity, desires, career, religion, race, finance...a whole host of variables? Was it you, your reactions, jealousy, finances, job, maturity? Was it selfishness? Her, You, neither?

This has to be a learning experience. Now, I don't know how old you or her are...but still...it has to fit. You may like or love something, but is it REALLY right for you, now? At this point in your life?

These are the questions you would be asked by some counselor...but you can do so yourself. I just hope your relationship parted on good terms, with respect for eachother, so that good memories and shared experiences will be the defining moment of this part of your life.

 

[Lauren]

And another thing

Don't make any big life descisions. You may find you just made them to get your mind off of something else. If a few months later the desire is still there, then consider it. For example: Moving or taking on a new responsibility like a pet or changing jobs. Even big purchases you will forever look at as the "breakup" item. I've totally done that. Went to the mall and spent like a grand when I had my first major breakup. Was sure fun while it lasted, but I think I only ever wore the things I got twice, and the whole time I did I was thinking "this is what I bought when Adam and I broke up." So not worth it.

Also, about dating other women... I found from my experience that you're not fully over the person until up to half the amount of time you were in the relationship with them. Like right now I feel like I'm over it, but I know I'm probably not. Think of the next person you're going to date, even though you don't know who they are yet. You wouldn't want to hurt them by screwing around or getting in too deep when you're not ready.

 

[MudInYerEye]

FT,
I'll be at the working at the bar this Friday and Saturday night. Come on down and I'll buy you some suds.

 

[Paisley]

I'd put off not only big purchases and decisions, but trips, too. "The wise man stays home," said Emerson, because the wise man knows he won't feel different somewhere else. You can't run away from yourself.

Taking your mind off of it is something else. When you have a thought, it forms a neural pathway in your brain. As you think the thought again and again, the pathway widens and you're more inclined to think the thought even more. But if you neglect the thought, or pathway, it shrinks. (This is my understanding of how the brain works; I'm not a scientist.)

As for learning from mistakes, I'd suggest finding a wise older person to talk to who has both made some mistakes and ultimately had success. This is better than complaining to friends, who might either chime in and create a whinefest, or their patience will wear thin. (My best friend, whom I love, just broke up with someone and is stretching my tolerance a little, but she seems to know where the line is, and she's committed to learning where she went wrong.)

I've never understood why people drink until they are sick in order to...feel better. My last boyfriend drank somewhat, and when I last talked to him, he still wasn't over his six-month marriage that had ended three years before. (We met after he was divorced.) In fact, he wasn't over much of anything that ever happened to him. Push things down, and they'll just come back up.

 

[Roger]

Forget about her

Move on. There's other fish in the sea. Don't get married too young. Wait until you've seen the world. I was 38 and my wife was 27. We've been married 10 years and have 4 kids. Marriage at a young age speeds the aging process. Her and the kids force me to keep young in mind and health. I've got friends who got married in their 20's and by the time I got married they looked ready for the assisted living center. They looked like my uncles at the wedding. There's plenty of time.

 

[ITG]

I'm not sure that you can fully mend a broken heart as each relationship we're in becomes part of who we are and in the end molds us and sometimes becomes baggage we bring into our future relationships. At best, we can leave it in the hands of God and pray that our heart will be mended and that we can leave the baggage at the city dump where it belongs, but it can be hard to not let our past experiences influence our future. Some relationships are easier to get over than others, as we keep questioning "why" and "what if". I'm not sure that the recovery time has to do with the amount of time you spent with someone as much as it has to do with how hard you fell for the person. I think the passing of time and looking to the future (which is hard to do when dealing with fresh wounds) is one thing that will help. I probably sound like I'm blabbing on, but I did want to offer this encouragement: We've all been through similar heartache and have survived, as will you too.

 

[flat-top]

This sums it up.........

"Forever Blue"
Nobody ever warns you, or tells you what to do.
She walks away, you're left to stay.
Alone forever blue.

The stars have all stopped shining,
The sun just won’t break through.
Each days the same, more clouds more rain.
You're left forever blue.

Forever blue ’cause you love her, but she dosen’t love you.
You did your best, life did the rest.
You're left forever blue.

No reason left for living, still there’s alot to do.
New tears to cry, old songs to sing.
And feel forever blue.
And be forever....blue

 

[MudInYerEye]

They shoot horses, don't they?

 

[Ken]

1) Avoid the person in question and then keep yourself busy - out of sight really is out of mind.

2) Keep a journal about it - that way you can release your innermost feelings about it without unloading too much on your friends.

3) Despite what you think, you probably will meet someone else that you feel just as strongly for, honestly.

4) Time - it does heal wounds

5) Corny, but try to appreciate the little things in life. Just be happy in yourself - if you are happy in yourself then you will always be happy

6) In future relationships, never over invest yourself in one person to the point where your entire life would be destroyed if they left you for even 5 minutes - this isn't really love, its just obsession. Its healthy to be able to spend time apart in a relationship

Ken

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Sex and booze? Don't tell me that no one here's ever tried it! (Not a permanent solution, mind you, but ...)

 

[EL COLORADO]

"Real" love is extremely rare. (if you can understand the truest meaning of the word.)
Most people are only looking for companionship to keep from being alone.
Love yourself first and foremost.
Wether youre in a relationship or not,...ultimately, it is yourself that you know best,...and ultimately it is yourself that you can only be responsible for.


EC

 

[jamespowers]

A little OMD kind of sets the mood:

If you leave I won't cry
I won't waste one single day
But if you leave don't look back
I'll be running the other way
Seven years went under the bridge
Like time was standing still
Heaven knows what happens now​

That is really the only pertinent part though. Good advice coming from a minstrel. Don't waste a single day.

Regards,

J

 

[jay_b]

I can sympathize with your situation flat-top...I to have been there. If you seriously want to get over it then break all contact with the person, seeing them even after what you think is enough time can bring you right back to square one.
Once you get through the self-destructive phase it should be downhill.

Good luck flat-top! Hang in there.:cheers1:

 

[Thursby]

Well, let me say that there has been some very good adivce posted here, and i wanted to add my 2 cents.
Yep, been there, got my heart broken. After the latest, biggest one i decided that i needed something to take my mind off things. So i bought a car to restore. Gave me something else to worry about, parts, money, and time. Did it work?? I like to think that it was a contributing factor. Now three years later after having graduated university and getting married, the car is almost complete.
All i can say is try to do something productive that you like, put on a smile, and don't be afraid to turn to friends for help. i think you will be surprised at how much help they really can be, i know i was.
Well i hope some of all this helps, not just my post. Chin up old man, you'll get through it.

 

[flat-top]

I can sympathize with your situation flat-top...I to have been there. If you seriously want to get over it then break all contact with the person, seeing them even after what you think is enough time can bring you right back to square one.
Once you get through the self-destructive phase it should be downhill.

Good luck flat-top! Hang in there.:cheers1:

Timely posts gentlemen.........I actually just saw HER on Sunday...she insisted on stopping by my job since she was in the area. I am happy to report that I felt NOTHING when I saw her. She appeared to be trying to "create" moments, like staring at me, then saying "What?"...like trying to get me to say something mushy. I didn't, cuz I just didn't feel it.
This heart may be on the road to recovery........:cheers1:

 

[Andykev]

Add an * except in the following case:

1)
6) In future relationships, never over invest yourself in one person to the point where your entire life would be destroyed if they left you for even 5 minutes - this isn't really love, its just obsession. Its healthy to be able to spend time apart in a relationship

Ken

You must clarify, that this comment applys only during DATING.

It is wholly false, after 52 years of marriage. Dad died two years ago at 82, Mom died in December, it took that long for her broken heart to kill her.

I have 16 years under my belt. If something were to happen to my beautiful wife....


"I actually just saw HER on Sunday...she insisted on stopping by my job since she was in the area. I am happy to report that I felt NOTHING when I saw her. She appeared to be trying to "create" moments, like staring at me, then saying "What?"...like trying to get me to say something mushy. I didn't, cuz I just didn't feel it."

Why is SHE stopping by your work? To watch you suffer? She enjoys trying to be in control? "Create moments"? Sounds like she's very, very immature. Say something mushy? You should say, "What are YOU doing herre? I thought we were done?'" I have work to do, so if you don't mind, please go find something else to do". Boy, she sure sounds like she's "playing" you. Don't fall for it. I guess you should ask her, "You know, just to be clear..what are you trying to accomplish by being here? Unsure of your decision? Did you make a mistake? Killing time while you wait for Prince Charming to ride by?
Is that a handful of salt you have in your hand, to rub into my wounded heart?

 

[flat-top]

Why is SHE stopping by your work? To watch you suffer? She enjoys trying to be in control? "Create moments"? Sounds like she's very, very immature. Say something mushy? You should say, "What are YOU doing herre? I thought we were done?'" I have work to do, so if you don't mind, please go find something else to do". Boy, she sure sounds like she's "playing" you. Don't fall for it. I guess you should ask her, "You know, just to be clear..what are you trying to accomplish by being here? Unsure of your decision? Did you make a mistake? Killing time while you wait for Prince Charming to ride by?
Is that a handful of salt you have in your hand, to rub into my wounded heart?

I think she may possibly want a "friendship", I dunno. I know there is part of her that misses me. And maybe she wanted to see for herself if there was still something between us. I can't say.........

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

I think Andykev has a valid point here!

I think she may possibly want a "friendship", I dunno. I know there is part of her that misses me. And maybe she wanted to see for herself if there was still something between us. I can't say.........

For sure! A friend of mine has just been through the wringer with his ex- girlfriend! She has dumped him and re-upped a week or so afterwords about 3 or 4 times now in as many weeks! :rage: Each and every time I hear the same old song and dance. About how she gets together with some other guy,.....he's beside himself,....:cry: ,......she comes back!!! ,..........she dumps him again,........:cry: :beer: and so on.
I know it's hard to resist, but DON'T fall for the yo-yo routine! It will only make matters worse,.....I know! I've seen it first hand.

 

[farnham54]

Ladies and Gentlemen, particularily Mr. Flat Top.

I feel I have to express my feelings on this subject, as much of the advice I've seen I completley disagree with.

Every person is different, and every person deals with it differently. Sometimes, it's booze (I highly am opposed to this solution--been there, done that, nearly killed me).

Sometimes, it's cold turkey--eliminate her from your life.

It is different for everyone. I think that if you love somone, it should be ended before it gets to the point where you can no longer respect each other. If you do that, then after a reasonable amount of time apart (which depends on the person), there is absolutley no reason why you cannot remain friends. Think back to the fundamental qualities that made you fall in love with her--have they changed? If so, then this is a moot point. But odds are that the FUNDAMENTALS have not changed. Ergo, that thing that attracts you is still there. Ergo, you both can be good friends, given time and respect.

Everyone you meet leaves an impression on you. If you love them, it leaves a very LARGE impression. We are the product of our experiences. To deny any experience, good or bad, is to deny a part of yourself.

I may not be very old, but I am as certain as Socrates on this: You have to love one person in order to be happy--and that one person is you. Once you do that, you can love others.

Time and Reflection heals all wounds. Reflect on the relationship--but not on what she did or what you did--reflect on what you felt in the relationship, and what was going on with you. Figure yourself out, figure out your own emotions.

And a final optimistic thought: Think back to being in love. The first reaction will quite possibly be pangs of dispair--you no longer have that. But think back and remember how GOOD it felt to be in love. Food tastes better, air smells sweeter, days seem brighter--everything is better when you are in love. Don't you agree?

Now--keep your mind, heart, and soul open, because it CAN and WILL happen again. And it will be even better then the last time.

Cheers,
Craig