Headlines

[mysterygal]

These are 100% honest-to goodness headlines. Can you figure out what they are trying to say?
Textron INc. makes offer to screw company stockholders
Squad helps dog bite victim
Man minus ear waives hearing
Iraqi head seeks arms
Man shot,stabbed, death by natural causes ruled
police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
once-sagging cloth diaper saved by full dumps
bills overwhelm chargers
32 ignorant enough to serve on North jury
Local high school dropouts cut in half
Typhoon rips through cemetery;hundreds dead
Pastor aghast at first lady sex position
Padres hit on penguins
Death causes loneliness, feelings of isolation
Ski area close due to snow
Child's stool great for use in garden
Fire officials grilled over kerosene heaters
Woman improving after fatal crash
Stud tires out
Death in the ring:Most boxers are not the same afterward
Man struck by lightning faces battery charges
British Union finds dwarfs in short supply
Man found dead in cemetery

 

[mysterygal]

More Flubbed Headlines

Massachussetts Woman Has Eye on Kerry's Seat
Four Top Dogs Inducted Into Meat Industry Hall of Fame
Material in Diapers Could Help Make the Deserts Bloom
Study Shows Some Denial From Parents on Ecstasy
Man Killed Over Phone
Passengers Feeling Airline Crew Cuts
Toronto Suspects Hate Crime
Waterskiing Accident Ruled Accidental
Judge Not Convinced Murder Victim is Alive
Men Who Make Inappropriate Advances Should be Exposed
11 High Students score Perfect Grade
Bonus Permits Enable 809 Hunters to Kill Two Deer
Brief Cooking at Low Temperatures Recommended For Diabetics
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Policeman Shoots Man With Knife
Astronomers See Colorful Gas Clouds Bubble Out of Uranus
School Bans All Kinds of Nuts on Campus
Dealers Will Hear Car Talk At Noon
Miners Refuse To Work After Death
Music Industry Meets on Drugs
Dodge Says Probe Puts Him in Awkward Position

 

[boomerchop]

What a hoot,

The more I read the better they get. And when I get down to the astronomers and the school/nuts ones, I'm actually laughing out loud and my wife is sticking her head in the room to see what's going on.

Thanks, I needed that.

 

[Tony in Tarzana]

Miners Refuse To Work After Death

Yeah, I've had bosses like that, even if you're dead they want to to come to work. lol

 

[mysterygal]

The more I read the better they get. And when I get down to the astronomers and the school/nuts ones, I'm actually laughing out loud and my wife is sticking her head in the room to see what's going on.

Thanks, I needed that.

lol That was the same with me a couple of nights ago reading all this stuff! After awhile my husband would roll his eyes at me and say,'your so easily entertained'...I'll just take that as a compliment
I think we all need a good laugh at least once a day

 

[Twitch]

As I've read similar headlines over the years I have a nagging suspicion that the copywriters or editors actually make them sound quirky so people will notice them and read.[huh]