Hats and Funerals

[Edward]

I don't recall ever seeing anyone stop and get out of a car while a funeral procession passed, but it would certainly, in my experience in both Ireland and Britain, be considered polite to allow a funeral procession to pass where necessary - and getting in between any of their cars is a major faux pas (as played for comedic effect in sitcom The Inbetweeners). I would myself trend to remove my hat if I am passed by or pass by a funeral procession, it seems only polite. I expect a lot of folks these days wouldn't think to do that, not out of any malice or even unthinkingness, but more as hat wearing has slipped out of the norm, many of the associated customs have also been lost.

I don't think I remember anyone pulling over for a funeral procession, but I would certainly doff my hat if I were walking. I have a habit, taken from my mother, to cross myself when seeing a funeral procession. She would also cross herself whenever passing a church.

My understanding is that both are fairly standard patterns for those raised in the Roman Catholic tradition - certainly in Ireland.

 

[suitedcboy]

My last wishes are keep your hat on and the procession goes 10 over the speed limit. I haven't figured out which hat is my bury me in it hat. Actually I'm having trouble with hats I want to be buried with. If reincarnation happens and allows hats to convey to the new soul I'll want to give the person a head start on the hat collection.
I pull over and remove hat. It just seems the right thing to do.

 

[Bamaboots]

As one who has escorted hundreds of funeral processions, all I will say is OUTLAW THE DAMN THINGS. I've seen lead vehicles and hearses break down, police officers lead the procession the wrong way, accidents involving those in the procession, accidents involving those not in the procession, accidents involving PO's in the procession, written tickets to those breaking the procession and seen countless acts of road rage during processions. End them.

Oh, I'm sorry, this was about hats. Wear it or don't. I don't care.

 

[Frunobulax]

As one who has escorted hundreds of funeral processions, all I will say is OUTLAW THE DAMN THINGS. I've seen lead vehicles and hearses break down, police officers lead the procession the wrong way, accidents involving those in the procession, accidents involving those not in the procession, accidents involving PO's in the procession, written tickets to those breaking the procession and seen countless acts of road rage during processions. End them.

Oh, I'm sorry, this was about hats. Wear it or don't. I don't care.

What's your feelings on Second Lines?

 

[Clifton]

Hi All, I've been looking and not taking part for too long - sorry, didn't mean to be a snooper. Been wondering how to jump in and this seems as good a place as any. I hope.

My late father used to say how proud he was when he saw me stop while walking to school and remove my school cap as a funeral went past. A little consideration for what others are going through never hurts. If I'm walking or driving I tend to touch my hand to my heart. Funerals aren't jolly events, but when we followed the hearse carrying my mother a truck loaded with industrial size gas bottles passed us on a roundabout with all the bottles falling into each other, I mentioned that one spark and we'd beat mother to the crematorium, it raised a smile at a difficult time.

 

[Bamaboots]

What's your feelings on Second Lines?

All in!

 

[Bamaboots]

Having made my SA comments, though with serious intent, I want to say that I live in a community with a large military presence. There have been occasions when I was on the short interchange near the airport when some of our fallen heroes have returned home. I will always stop and exit the vehicle, remove my hat and stand with the others who brought the otherwise busy I565 to a stop.

 

[Bill Hughes]

I live outside a pretty small town. It’s still very common for cars to pull over during funeral processions.

 

[belfastboy]

This was a common courtesy and show of respect when I was growing up too, and the "older" folks here still practice it when they can (it's not as easy to pull off the road and get out for the procession anymore, with today's cars, roads, and traffic). And yes, I am one of the "older folks" these days. But many of our younger folks don't observe "our" common courtesies even in the country anymore. Everyone used to wave at approaching cars by lifting a few fingers off the wheel, but even that little gesture has almost passed with time. I applaud you for showing your respect!

My father would always pull over but I do not recall getting out of the car. Interesting thing is I rarely see funeral processions these days. Most memorial services are held at the grave site around here so you don't see the long processions as we once did.
I visited a friend living on a small gulf island. While driving she would exchange waves with everyone who passed us. I asked her eventually how she came to know so many of the islanders. Her reply..."Oh, I don't know who they are but we always wave to everybody." I think it is a function of small town, small island life....less hectic and folks have time to make room for that.....here in the city, not so much.

 

[Bushman]

I was a pallbearer in my cousin's husband's funeral yesterday, and I removed my hat every time we entered a chapel.

 

[Jerry Probst]

I need some help choosing a hat to wear to a funeral. I understand the etiquette about when to wear my hat and when to take it off.

What I am struggling with is which color of fedora to wear.

I am wearing a black suit, grey shirt and black tie.

I have three hats i am considering: An antique black center dent Neiman Marcus Beaver with black ribbon, an Alabaster white Stetson Bogie with Black Ribbon, or a Silverbelly Stratoliner.

I know tradition and respect point to the Black Nieman Marcus, but it is a shade darker than my suit and makes me look like the undertaker.

The White Bogie with black ribbon, is a gorgeous hat that does not look bad in my opinion.

But I am leaning toward the silverbelly Stratoliner. The grey tone is more muted than the Bogie and better matches my shirt.

But the main question I’m looking to answer is Light or Dark?

I will probably be the only male at the funeral wearing a hat, so I’m going to stand out regardless.

I will appreciate your thoughts.

Please excuse the poor photos and the somber expression.

PS My white beard is growing out and looks rather scruffy in these photos. Come the day of the service I will decide if it is full enough to be presentable, or if I trim it down to my standard white goatee.

Stratoliner

 

[Bill Hughes]

I need some help choosing a hat to wear to a funeral. I understand the etiquette about when to wear my hat and when to take it off.

What I am struggling with is which color of fedora to wear.

I am wearing a black suit, grey shirt and black tie.

I have three hats i am considering: An antique black center dent Neiman Marcus Beaver with black ribbon, an Alabaster white Stetson Bogie with Black Ribbon, or a Silverbelly Stratoliner.

I know tradition and respect point to the Black Nieman Marcus, but it is a shade darker than my suit and makes me look like the undertaker.

The White Bogie with black ribbon, is a gorgeous hat that does not look bad in my opinion.

But I am leaning toward the silverbelly Stratoliner. The grey tone is more muted than the Bogie and better matches my shirt.

But the main question I’m looking to answer is Light or Dark?

I will probably be the only male at the funeral wearing a hat, so I’m going to stand out regardless.

I will appreciate your thoughts.

Please excuse the poor photos and the somber expression.

PS My white beard is growing out and looks rather scruffy in these photos. Come the day of the service I will decide if it is full enough to be presentable, or if I trim it down to my standard white goatee.

Stratoliner View attachment 243936

Bogie View attachment 243937

Nieman Marcus
View attachment 243938

I think all are fine. My order of choices are Strat, Bogie, and NM.

 

[Jerry Probst]

I think all are fine. My order of choices are Strat, Bogie, and NM.

Thank you Bill, Those are my thoughts. I haven’t been to a funeral in ages and worried that a light hat is a breach of etiquette. Thank you for your thoughts.

 

[Bill Hughes]

Thank you Bill, Those are my thoughts. I haven’t been to a funeral in ages and worried that a light hat is a breach of etiquette. Thank you for your thoughts.

Around here funerals have become much less formal. Jeans are very common.

 

[Bamaboots]

Thank you Bill, Those are my thoughts. I haven’t been to a funeral in ages and worried that a light hat is a breach of etiquette. Thank you for your thoughts.

What Bill said. Sorry for your loss.

 

[Jerry Probst]

Thank you,

We all know part of wearing a hat is to wear it with confidence. Your remarks are reassuring and relieve me of one less worry. I appreciate it very much.

 

[GHT]

Funerals, like weddings, are becoming, more and more, a celebration. That's a celebration of the deceased's life. I have been to a couple in the last five years. Tim was just 45, he left a widow and three daughters, the family specifically asked for no dark clothing, rather, they specified, bring me sunshine. And just for his family, Tim must have had a word because the sunshine on that day was glorious. For that funeral I wore a summer blazer, with a Panama straw hat, my missus wore a summer dress with a floral fascinator rather than a full hat.

Lorraine was only 53 when she succumbed to pancreatic cancer. She had lived with her partner for about fifteen years. When she was diagnosed the couple organised their wedding and her funeral. My wife made the wedding dress, an honour as Lorraine now sleeps in it.

Her funeral was an era related affair with everyone turned out in the finest forties attire. Re-enactors were pall bearers and the coffin was a wicker basket. If it's possible to have a happy funeral then Lorraine's send off was it.

 

[Frunobulax]

Funerals, like weddings, are becoming, more and more, a celebration. That's a celebration of the deceased's life. I have been to a couple in the last five years. Tim was just 45, he left a widow and three daughters, the family specifically asked for no dark clothing, rather, they specified, bring me sunshine. And just for his family, Tim must have had a word because the sunshine on that day was glorious. For that funeral I wore a summer blazer, with a Panama straw hat, my missus wore a summer dress with a floral fascinator rather than a full hat.

Lorraine was only 53 when she succumbed to pancreatic cancer. She had lived with her partner for about fifteen years. When she was diagnosed the couple organised their wedding and her funeral. My wife made the wedding dress, an honour as Lorraine now sleeps in it.

Her funeral was an era related affair with everyone turned out in the finest forties attire. Re-enactors were pall bearers and the coffin was a wicker basket. If it's possible to have a happy funeral then Lorraine's send off was it.

If there's not beer and music at my funeral, I ain't coming.

 

[belfastboy]

If there's not beer and music at my funeral, I ain't coming.

One of the things I am most proud of is the memorial service I planned for my Mother. She was a good mother to me, not so much for my sister. She was a good but complicated woman. I dislike services that pretend the person was saintly, wise and kind....ALL the time. At the service we opened the floor for folks to tell stories of their experience with my mother. It was very real, very human and I think even though some of the stories were painful to tell, painful to remember it was cathartic for the teller and illuminating for us listeners. There were 50+ people present from all the many facets of my mother's life ....each with their known slice of my mother's life. At the end we left with a much more complete picture of my mother....the real human, with her joys, with her pain, with her flaws. We laughed, we cried, and then we went and drank beer, ate food and practiced being human.

I wore blue jeans but no hat.

 

[Short Balding Guy]

Hats and funerals go together as it was reinforced to me this late spring early summer. A couple of family deaths, due to Covid complications found me attending memorial services via Zoom. I attended the first one and was asked by my deceased brother-in-law's wife where my hat was. She "always sees me in a hat." I quickly donned a hat for this Zoom memorial and shared my remembrances of my brother-in-law in a hat. My Aunt's funeral, attended my many of the same folks, I wore a hat. A different dark hat. Family, friends and acquaintances commented on how they liked it. It was an object that broke the awkward speaking barrier for some. I was happy I wore the hat.

Of course attending on-line, via Zoom, I donned the same attire (dark suit, shirt, tie, dress shoes and dark hat) that I would have worn pre-pandemic. This was my choice to show respect to the solemn and sober occasions that these two memorials were.

Be safe, be strong and see you on the streets soon, Eric -