Hats and Funerals

[DocMustang]

Recently I had the occasion to be a pall bearer at a funeral. I wore a charcoal grey suit topped by a black fedora. This brought up several questions of etiquette:

1. Hats can be worn in "common areas" such as lobbies and waiting rooms, what about in a church? Are hats removed upon crossing the threshold of the building itself or just the sanctuary?

2. Hats should obviously not be worn during the funeral service proper if conducted indoors, but what about outdoor services? Are hats to be removed for the entire service or only during specific portions of the service such as the prayer and bennediction?

3. If serving as pallbearer, Should a hat be worn or not?

4. Do the rules change in inclement weather?


I understand that traditions would vary among different faiths but what general rules would you follow?

Doc

 

[Caz]

The suject line really caught my attention...

...for the reason that my dad just crossed the Great Divide this past Thursday. He had a series of strokes that finally took his life. He was 87.

The last picture that was taken of him was in a hat. That picture will be displayed at his memorial service next Friday.

I would say that any time you are involved directly with your duty as a pall bearer, that the hat should be removed. One exception would be in inclement weather, possibly.

As far as wearing a hat in a church, I believe it is acceptable to wear a hat into the church, then remove it upon entering. Lots of churches have coat closets with hat racks. DON'T LEAVE your hat there, but rather carry it with you if you are at all fond of it. Not everyone who attends a funeral will be as morally upright as we might hope.

Inside the actual sanctuary, I would say there is no question here. You should definitely remove the hat out of respect, etc.

Old school philosophy seems to indicate that one should not wear a hat indoors, period. Times they are a changin', however. IMNSHO

 

[HarpPlayerGene]

...what general rules would you follow?

I don't subscribe to a particular religion but I have reverence for people and places of faith.

I would remove my hat upon entering a church.

I would remove it even outdoors for the entire seated part of the service, including, of course, prayer and benediction.

I would ask my gal to mind my hat for me while serving as pallbearer as well - even if the weather was bad.

Here's my personal 21st century reasoning: I intentionally wear hats to stand out a bit in an age where it is uncommon. They are social spark plugs too and tend to elicit positive reactions from those I meet when in lighthearted settings. In short, they are part of my having fun with fashion and a display of a little happy attitude. I just wouldn't feel comfortable projecting that vibe or inviting any of that attention at a funeral.

In the past, when hats were commonplace, the rules may have differed significantly from my view stated here. And in this age, I wouldn't judge another person for wearing his or her hat as they see fit in such circumstances. I just wouldn't have mine on except basically for arriving and leaving.

With all this said, if it is MY funeral, I want to be wearing a fedora!

 

[David V]

I concur with Caz. I remove my hat as I step into church. If there will be a grave side service I would remove my hat. Being a pall bearer, It may be simpler for you to forgo wearing a hat. What would you do with it while performing your duties?

 

[HarpPlayerGene]

Caz, your pop was smilin' and stylin' right down to the wire.

We all know we're all going to make that trip but it doesn't make it any less powerful of an experience when we lose a close friend or family member.

I'm not sad for him or for you but I do wish you strength as you process this period. You read like a pretty squared away guy. I bet he's plenty proud.

G

 

[Lefty]

well said

I don't subscribe to a particular religion but I have reverence for people and places of faith.

I would remove my hat upon entering a church.

I would remove it even outdoors for the entire seated part of the service, including, of course, prayer and benediction.

I would ask my gal to mind my hat for me while serving as pallbearer as well - even if the weather was bad.

Here's my personal 21st century reasoning: I intentionally wear hats to stand out a bit in an age where it is uncommon. They are social spark plugs too and tend to elicit positive reactions from those I meet when in lighthearted settings. In short, they are part of my having fun with fashion and a display of a little happy attitude. I just wouldn't feel comfortable projecting that vibe or inviting any of that attention at a funeral.

In the past, when hats were commonplace, the rules may have differed significantly from my view stated here. And in this age, I wouldn't judge another person for wearing his or her hat as they see fit in such circumstances. I just wouldn't have mine on except basically for arriving and leaving.

With all this said, if it is MY funeral, I want to be wearing a fedora!

 

[Not-Bogart13]

I would have to agree with skipping the hat as a pall bearer. Since that duty begins inside the church, it would be bad form to put the hat on inside before lifting the casket. That alone rules out the hat. The only exceptions I can think of are military, police, and fire/rescue funerals.

If not a pall bearer, I agree - hat off in the church and during the funeral. Bad weather? Bring an umbrella. Not a religious based service? It's still more respectful to remove the hat.

 

[jazzncocktails]

Respect

Removing one's hat is a sign of respect, as in removing one's hat for the pledge of allegiance (is that still done? It should be.). So, hats off whenever respect is to be shown: during a service (indoors or out, and this goes for a wedding as well as a funeral), as a pallbearer, paying one's respects to the family, etc.

Caz, I'm sorry for your trouble. As Gene says, your dad looks happy in that photo, and that's about the best thing we can hope for.
Steve

 

[Goose.]

I'm with David, Jazz and NB on this. So, from an opinion perspective, nothing to add that they didn't type.

But my post Caz, is that I would like to extend my sorrow for your loss. As well as respect for your father.

God Bless...

 

[Chuck Bobuck]

I've served as pall bearer a few times. I see it as a final good act you can do for someone. In a cemetary, I've had to trudge through ice and snow to help deliver the casket to it's resting place. I usually wear a suit and if it's cold, I'll wear a nice coat. If it's snowing, sleeting, freezing, windy, raining, etc... I think it's okay to wear an appropriate hat, even a fedora, and something to keep your ears warm with.

 

[Erik]

Caz, I am sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[randooch]

Caz, great photograph of your father. I'll bet he had some stories to tell.

To the topic: I can't see that wearing a respectable hat outdoors could be construed in any way as disrespectful. To the contrary, I think it honors the loved one being commemorated, especially if that person liked wearing hats, as it appears your father did.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

I remove my as soon as entering a church, funeral home or wedding chapel. Outdoors - an interesting thought. An outdoor wedding - hat off during the service. I suppose it would depend on the type of "service" - if it's a burial, definitely off unless it's just raining like mad. I figure if the umbrellas start opening, a hat is understandable and allowable.

But if it's something along the lines of a building dedication, Easter egg hunt, some sort of reception, I'd probably wear it and/or take my cues from everyone else. Off during a prayer or blessing, on while standing around after or before talking to the other attendees.

 

[gtdean48]

Unless you are in uniform, uncovering to show respect is the custom, so if you are a pallbearer, then you should be uncovered. In uniform, it would be a salute to show respect & as a pallbearer, you would have your cover on.

 

[CRH]

I've served as pall bearer a few times. I see it as a final good act you can do for someone. In a cemetary, I've had to trudge through ice and snow to help deliver the casket to it's resting place. I usually wear a suit and if it's cold, I'll wear a nice coat. If it's snowing, sleeting, freezing, windy, raining, etc... I think it's okay to wear an appropriate hat, even a fedora, and something to keep your ears warm with.

I think we have a pattern here. Folks from milder climates are more willing to give up the hat. Folks living in more inclimate climates are more likely to keep the hat.

I'll respectfully and tasefully dress for the weather.

 

[Big Man]

My sincere condolences Caz, on the passing of your Father. My Dad passed away this past November, so that memory is still very fresh in my mind.

As to hats at funerals, I have had several occasions (too many, I'm afraid) in the past couple years where I was a pall bearer. I always wear a hat, so wearing one at a funeral was no exception. I do, however, ALWAYS take my hat off while in Church (or the funeral home), and while in "active duty" as a pall bearer. Once the graveside service is completed, the hat can go back on my head. Rain or bad weather would be no exception, as removing one's hat (at least to me) is a sign of respect. You can stand under an umbrella, but remove the hat.

I don't know if there are any "rules" to follow, but this is just what feels right to me (and what I was taught growing up).

 

[Caz]

Dad did have some stories to tell...

He was a Navy man in his youth and sailed with Robert Ruark ("Use enough gun.") as his CPO. That was before Ruark became famous for his articles and books about hunting Africa.

Dad told of the below deck poker games and how Ruark had no mercy on the inexperienced gamblers that most of the young Navy boys were.

Dad said Ruark was a former newspaper man and was quite the ladies man and how he once entered a bar in NYC and bought "the boys" a round.

In one of Ruark's books about his Navy years he briefly refers to a young sailor named "Red." That was my dad.

That is just one brief account that Dad liked to share about his youth. He was a gunners mate and helped guard Merchant Marine ships during The War.

One favorite photo is of Dad and Mom just after their engagement during The War. Dad is wearing white or light tan slacks, a leather jacket and a fedora. I'll post that if we can find it.

Thanks to all of you for your expressions of sympathy.

 

[Shanghailander]

Literally a week after the first post in this thread, I attended a funeral. I gave the euolgy and was a pallbearer. I did not see this thread beforehand. Because I almost always wear a hat, I wore one that day. I did not think beforehand about the hat, so I had to think quickly during the funeral.

While carrying the coffin from the funeral home, and from the hearse to the church, I carried my hat in my free hand.

I suspect if old (1930s-1950s) photos of pallbearers were viewed, you would see some wearing hats. A more recent one here:

[/IMG]

Kept hat off in church. Wore hat at gravesite, but took it off during prayers.

 

[Charlie Huang]

Unless all the pallbearers are wearing hats, don't wear one. Also, no hats in church and since you're going to carry the coffin inside, it would be troublesome to take a hat off, and then put it where? You could wear one afterwards I suppose.

 

[Tedquinton]

Hat etiquette at a funeral

Hi

I need some advice.

I'm attending a funeral tomorrow and don't want to offend anyone. Obviously I'll remove my hat during the ceremony, but should I be bare headed throughout or just during the ceremony itself.

I guess this question will seem self evident to many, but being born after hats were worn by the majority I'm feeling my way through the correct way to wear a hat and would welcome direction from the more knowledgeable.

Thanks for for your help and support.

Greg