First Dates

[IsaacRN]

I have a question for the fine members of the board. I am 33 to give a reference point. I was always taught to walk on the side of the street, pull doors, pull out chairs etc. This is a dying art and I recognize this, but still continue the tradition. Now, I am not a frequent dater. I so happen to have a date next week and wanted to receive some opinions on flowers or any type of gift for that first date. I have been told by men and women that it is just an awkward thing to hang onto for the rest of the night, while others say it is a nice gesture. In all honesty, it is a nice "test" to see if the girl will appreciate it, and makes me mindful if future dates might be appropriate. Mind you this isnt the only thing that goes into consideration.


So what is the consensus in bringing something for the ladies on the first date?

 

[ButteMT61]

Don't do it. Once I wised up at ~25 years old, I stopped doing such things (flowers) and dating got much better. I know you her women want to find a nice guy - bunk. At least until you've got them interested enough. I started playing aloof, and bang, things improved immediately. I then saved such little gifts for after that phase and you have the best of both worlds. Seems we all want what we "think" we can't have - and being that nice off the bat was a failure. Once you're in a relationship - even just repeat dating, it's good to show the nice guy that you are.
As for the other things - I always do those!

 

[Tomasso]

In all honesty, it is a nice "test"......

[video=youtube;-lNNUl9jrzw]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lNNUl9jrzw[/video]

 

[hatophile]

I myself am from the old school. I was taught to open doors, etc. also. I think a small gift or flowers is a very nice thing to do. If the young lady appreciates your gentlemanliness, all the better. If she thinks it's nerdy or too old fashioned, maybe she's not your type? or she may be willing to look at your viewpoint.
I have been out of the dating scene for almost 25 years, but I am told by women friends who are dating that
these chivalric gestures are noticed and appreciated. Mind you, they are middle-aged women.

Good luck on your date!

 

[rue]

May I ask how well you know her? Is it a blind date or someone you met?

The reason I ask is that if it's someone you've met and you are picking her up at her home then you must know her address. If so, a nice gesture would be to send flowers to her home the day before you go out with a card that says "I'm looking forward to our date" or something along those lines. I've seen it a lot in old movies and I always thought it was really sweet.

If it's a blind date I would just wait until the next day to see if you have a good time and if you did then send her flowers thanking her for a nice time.

I think anything else would be too much.

 

[sheeplady]

As a woman, I am all for the acts of courtesy you mentioned. I wish there were more men like you- I've got some girl friends I would like to set up.

I, personally, would be uncomfortable with a gift on the first date. I never had anyone buy me a gift on the first date. If they did, it would make me feel bad that I had nothing to give to them in return. I'd spend half the date trying to figure out what to buy them if we had a second date.

That being said, I think randomly buying smallish gifts for someone you are in a romantic relationship with is perfectly fine, because both people can do that at any time. I would define a romantic relationship as more than one date. I think it would be an absolutely wonderful gesture if you showed up with flowers or a small trinket on the second date that matches her personality and/or her likes. It would show that you were interested in her and paid attention to her on the first date.

For instance, if she says she likes a certain flower that's on the table where you go out to eat, gushes about the dark chocolate desert, or mentioned that she really likes the candles, try to get her something similar. So a small bouquet of roses, small box of dark chocolates, or a set of candles. Even if she mentions she likes a color she likes. You can even add something like, "I saw this at the store yesterday, and I was reminded of you because you mentioned you liked ____ on our first date." And she'll know your sincere, and you got her that gift because of HER and didn't just give her a random object which she may or may not like.

Women like men who are interested in them. Really, we do.

 

[IsaacRN]

Its someone I work with very indirectly with in the hospital. So its not necessarily a blind date, but we arent best of friends. I was speaking to flowers rather than gifts, and perhaps I used the wrong wording there. By the census so far, I think I should hold off on the flowers for the first date.

 

[rue]

I edited my post. See above

 

[IsaacRN]

That suggestion actually sounds great, but unfortunately due to both of our busy schedules, it might end up being a meet-up type of thing. Im making so much more out of this than it needs to be, and this is why I hardly date....ROFL.

 

[rue]

Well, I think you sound like a really nice guy and a gentleman. I think you'll do just fine

 

[IsaacRN]

Well, I think you sound like a really nice guy and a gentleman. I think you'll do just fine

I have a feeling im gonna leave the Fedora at home. It might be a bit to much on the first date....haha. I appreciate the compliment as well.

 

[C-dot]

I don't know about giving a gift on the first date - It might put her off a bit. I speak from experience: My boyfriend and I had a very casual first date, and on our second date to a nice restaurant, he brought me a single rose.
I don't think it would have had the same effect if it was on our first date. It meant so much more on the second because that's when I knew that he really liked me... He'd met me already, and not only did he want to see me again, but he wanted to show how he felt. Later on I found out that he's not an especially demonstrative guy, so this was a huge display of affection.

We've been dating for the better part of a year now, and I still have that rose. It was obviously a successful strategy lol

 

[Pompidou]

I think C-dot has it. The whole point of a gift, I think, is to show you care, and before a first date, and maybe even during it, you don't care. She's nothing special yet. Save the gifts for when she is.

 

[Tomasso]

In all honesty, it is a nice "test" to see if the girl will......

I put the video in my last post as a humorous response to the idea of testing one's date but I'm actually not in favor of this practice. Personally, I prefer a more organic approach to meeting people rather than imposing a series of scripted questions and tests. I remember a blind date once where the woman began peppering me with somewhat odd questions at dinner. At some point a woman at a nearby table, who had been listening our conversation, said loud enough for all to hear, "She's giving him that quiz that was in Cosmo last month!" I think many people (women especially) attempt to conduct a first date as they would a job interview, with the job being that of spouse. Not a good idea IMO.

 

[rue]

I think many people (women especially) attempt to conduct a first date as they would a job interview, with the job being that of spouse. Not a good idea IMO.

I have never in my life dated anyone in hopes of marriage. If it ends up that way great (depending on the marriage), but the whole idea of interviewing someone to see if they fit the bill is just bizarre.

 

[avedwards]

I don't know about giving a gift on the first date - It might put her off a bit. I speak from experience: My boyfriend and I had a very casual first date, and on our second date to a nice restaurant, he brought me a single rose.


We've been dating for the better part of a year now, and I still have that rose. It was obviously a successful strategy lol

I did that on a third date to a restaurant once. It failed as a day later it ended (though we're still friends) and that rose has been sitting on my desk for the past two and a half years as a sour reminder.

Now that I look back I never gave my current girlfriend any romantic presents until quite recently when I occasionally bring flowers with me (only occasionally so that it's always as a surprise), though I made a point of always giving birthday and Christmas presents and sending postcards whilst I was away for a month in Germany. Overall I can't say dating is really my thing and I'm glad I may no longer have to do it. I enjoyed it the first time round but the second time round I just wished I could have fast-tracked the process and got to know the lady without having to feel awkward the whole time.

The only advice I can give is be yourself (so don't leave the fedora at home if you would normally wear it) and be friendly. I fail to understand the dating ritual and sometimes wonder whether meeting prospective partners in the same way you'd meet new friends would be a better way to get to know them.

 

[Tomasso]

the whole idea of interviewing someone to see if they fit the bill is just bizarre.

Oh, I agree. The whole concept of speed dating eludes me.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

the whole idea of interviewing someone to see if they fit the bill is just bizarre.

"Bachelorette Number One, If you were a tree..."

 

[olive bleu]

I think C-dot has it. The whole point of a gift, I think, is to show you care, and before a first date, and maybe even during it, you don't care. She's nothing special yet. Save the gifts for when she is.

This speaks to sincerity. It will mean more when you know her a bit and know who it is that you are giving the flowers to.

Also, why reveal all your charms at once?

 

[rue]

and that rose has been sitting on my desk for the past two and a half years as a sour reminder.

Awww... that is so bittersweet.....

Oh, I agree. The whole concept of speed dating eludes me.

Me too... what is that about?? It's like an auction house

"Bachelorette Number One, If you were a tree..."

lol