Elderly Parents At Home

[Hawkcigar]

I am wondering if anyone here in the lounge has an elderly parent living with them. My wife's mother is 80 years old and has lived with us for the last four years. It works out pretty well for the most part and she is what I would call a pretty "young" 80 years old. She is still pretty active around the house, walks on a treadmill almost daily and is a three year lung cancer survivor to boot. She does a lot of baking (as my waistline can attest) and insists on ironing my work slacks and says "I love to iron and can do a lot better job than any cleaners can do".

It's not always a perfect situation, but since we don't have kids I think we have been able to make it work pretty well. Anyone else have a similar situation at home. I think this used to be more common than it is today.

 

[Starius]

I'm not quite in the same boat but I expect to be someday.

After college, I moved back home with my parents. They're in their mid to late 60s now. It was easier on me living wise, and they admit they enjoy having me around. Over the last year though, I've been unemployed which ended up being a blessing in disguise. My mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer last september so I became her primary caregiver while she underwent treatment and recovery while my father kept working for the health insurance. It was a rather profound experience all in all.
Thankfully, after a long and difficult treatment and major surgery, she is recovering and becoming much more independent again.

I've started to look for work once again but the whole ordeal made me realize how much my parents do need my help and I suspect that will only continue to be more true as they get older. And after everything they've done for me over the years I don't really have much problem with the idea of just staying here (or nearby) from now on to help support them in the long term.

 

[BJBAmerica]

I was raised by my paternal grandmother, and after I got married, my wife and I spent so much time with her in the evenings after work and on the weekends, that after our first two years of married life, we decided that we and "Gram" should live together.

Things worked out wonderfully, and we were so thankful that she lived to know her great grandchildren. She was a member of "The Greatest Generation" and there just isn't a bad thing I can say about our living arrangements. We all got along marvelously, and we all loved Gram more than words can say.

We lost her in 1992, at the grand age of 94 years.......The time that we had her with us though was amongst the happiest of times!!! We would talk about her younger days, the days of the Great Depression, the years during World War II, when my Grandfather was serving in the U.S. Navy....Wonderful memories passed along to the next generation, something worth more to us than gold.

To me, this is what true family is all about!!!

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

My grandma lived here for a while but not long. I think it was after my grandfather passed away. For the most part she asked just as if she was at home. It was pretty normal until she moved back to her house. It was more like an extended sleep over.

 

[Twitch]

My Mom lived in her own little place behind my daughter's house 3 doors away till the end. She had no interest in doing anything however. My wife sought out all sorts of things for seniors and she didn't want to do anything. Often I'd come over and she'd be just sitting doing nothing. No TV or radio on, nothing.

The last 3 years I didn't want her driving anymore and thus began the transit to her doctor appointments and sometimes grocery shopping. Even though she wasn't sick then all the damned doctor trips for the various types of doctors added up. It got where after my last job contract ended I did nothing but drive her around.

You have to realize the joke about waiting in doctors' offices is real. We'd regularly devote 3 hours to a minor visit at an office 8 miles away once you figure get ready time, drive times and wait times. There were often eye doctor appointments that went 5 hours well before she had any cataract surgery. No one could take that much time off of work and have a job. In months with 22 working days we'd often be going to doctors 12-13 days!

Dentist, foot doctor, eye doctor, primary doctor, internist, arthritis doctor, therapy pros all became an unending conga line of time investment to say nothing of a monthly hair appointment and shopping for food if she wasn't too tired to walk around the store that day.

I can't imagine still being sane if she had spent her last 3 years in our home. The reality is that if your parent is vital, active and healthy and they live with you count your lucky stars. Because when they are no longer able to be so your life will change forever.

 

[RetroMom]

I have had a similar situation over the last year. My widowed mom who is 81 had a dramatic change in her health. She lived with me for a while until unfortunately I could no longer take care of her, she had periods where she would become delusional and I was afraid she would wander out of the house, she also lost all mobility in her legs and cannot walk. It was very difficult to see this once vibrant and active lady regress so badly, she is now living in a nursing home, having good days and bad days. It's hard sometimes when I visit and she doesn't remember my name or my kids (but she ALWAYS knows who my husband is! Go figure....). I'm an only child and my father died when I was a teen, so for a long time it was just her and me. I am currently cleaning out the house my parents lived in for 41 years, so it can be sold. Some days I am frustrated by the amount of stuff, and other days it is a treasure trove of nostalgia.

Enjoy your parents/in-laws/aunts and uncles while they are here, and ask them lots of questions about their younger days. My mom may not always know what is going on in the present, but when she goes back 50 + years, she remembers everything!!

 

[Mike in Seattle]

My mom had a massive stroke in the fall of 1993 that left her paralyzed in the left arm and leg, wheelchair-bound & unable to care for herself. I have the luxury of being self-employed and can worked at home, so when she came out of the hospital & rehab center six months later, I looked after her single-handedly 24/7/365 for most of the next dozen - one month in a convalescent center up here while the house we sold in California and the new house we bought here both wrapped up escrow, and then the last five weeks of her life in the hospital & convalescent center. Ironically, what she was hospitalized for at the end was pretty well cured when she developed pneumonia and was gone four days later. Friends & family say there's no doubt in their minds she would've withered and died in a year or less had I put her into a convalescent hospital. And even with my back problems & other issues, I'd do it again. Draining on many levels, but I also felt I gained a lot from the experience and did the right thing. Lots of great talks about family & friends, her life, old movies, and loads of memories. Would've never known an uncle dated a then unknown Barbara Marx Sinatra who ran a charm school in Long Beach in the 40's, or how the Black Dahlia made Mom & her friends realize life wasn't as carefree and safe-feeling as it had been before, or that Dana Andrews came to her high school (his alma mater) and she'd taken a photo of him as a photography class assignment that had been published somewhere.

 

[Flivver]

My Mom, who is 88, lives with me. She is in reasonably good health for her age but has limited vision, so she can't go anywhere without assistance. But she's still sharp as a tack and remembers the Golden Era as if it were yesterday.

As someone above has said, enjoy your parents while you have them.

 

[Tommy Fedora]

Maybe soon....

My Dad is a young 84. He splits his seasons between his home in Florida and his home in upstate NY. He tries to swin every day in Florida and does the NY Times crossword puzzle daily, and then complains that it was too easy.
Lately, he's forgetting things and my brothers and sister and I are starting to worry. He gets in his car to go to the store and then forgets where he is and how to get home. He forgets what he told us and what we told him. Not that bad yet but slowly getting worse. I expect him to eventually live with one of us, probably me, in the next few years. He won't go in a home because he doesn't want to be around "old" people.
He'll probably be a handful but as long as he's still around it will be ok.