Don't want to be (seen as) a wannabe!

[shazzabanazza]

I have nothing to add to the already offered good advice. I just wanted to say I really like the phrase, "car show leg humpers."

Im liking that term too, along with the "Hot Rockabilly Messes"

As has been said, my advice is just be yourself. Who cares what others think. There are always going to be people out there that have something nasty to say about others, they are the people that DONT matter.

I dont own many vintage clothes but am slowing getting a nice collection up. I likes 50's fashion. I also taken on sewing as a hobbie and have started sewing 50's dresses

 

[shazzabanazza]

Girls - you took the words right out of my mouth. Like a few other girls on this forum, I was into Grunge and Rock in my youth (still am music-wise) but always secretly yearned to be more feminine. I used to pour over the photos of my Nan and her sisters when they were young girls. I thought they looked like film stars.

I think I used to hide behind grungey clothes because if I was intentionally being "un-pretty" then no-one could accuse me of trying to be something I wasn't. As I've got older though I've decided that if I like something I'll wear it and not care what others think. I'm not anywhere near 100% authentic but I don't wear the clothes, make-up, hair I wear to tick the boxes of some book. I wear what I feel comfortable in as, I'm sure, our ancestors did. I take a pride in my appearance now that I never used to and I feel much happier about myself because of it.

I utterly admire (and envy) those ladies and gents that totally embrace the golden era lifestyle and everything that goes with it but it just isn't always practical for me. If I won the lottery I'd love to redecorate my house and buy an entire vintage wardrobe but, at the moment, I just meander through my life picking up bits and bobs that I like along the way.

Like LinaSofia said, why would you want the praise of somebody who's bitchy enough to look down on you because you aren't wearing the quite right dress with those shoes? Just enjoy wearing what you feel comfortable in. If that means wearing a beautiful swing dress with a modern style handbag then so be it! None of us are perfect!

If you do want to become more authentic though, all the ladies on this forum are wonderful and full of amazing advice and tips. Just don't be scared to be yourself. X

I love this advice!

 

[TillyMilly]

I have felt inspired to be more authentic, but it takes time and above all money to collect the pieces you need!

Thanks for all the support and advice. The thing is, I kind of feel a bit of a fraud since I do have a lot of the things I need (the hot rollers, pincurl clips, sponge rollers, make-up , lingerie, accessories etc.) and an acceptable amount of real vintage peices- but the only real vintage peice I actually love is just one plain black woollen dress, I have put most of the real vintage in the loft as I'm just not overly keen on it- I like Old-style Glamour (yes, like Dita! *hangs head*)but the day-to-day stuff tends not to do it for me- So I'm not aspiring to become any more authentic- which is why i feel like a fraud on here.

Some one made a comment about prefering 40's but suiting 50's- I can relate. I prefer 20's but have too many curves and I'm short - which also definatly rules out any 30's flowing bias dresses! (why do they always recomend bias for hourglass shapes?- makes me look terrible, makes my bum look twice as big!)- I love a really fitted 50's pencil which is great but I also love big poufy swing skirts-but at 5foot all the petticoats look dreadful on me, make me look like a little doll (and not in a good way-and I just bought 3- a black, a white and red- I may wear them round the house just to feel like a princess!) I look nice in 40's A-line (in a drapy fabric, not stiff) but it always seems a bit frumpy too me. grrrr!

 

[shazzabanazza]

You dont have to be "authentic" to be on here and you dont have too like all pieces. As long as your having fun and being yourself is all that matters

 

[Penny Dreadful]

You dont have to be "authentic" to be on here and you dont have too like all pieces. As long as your having fun and being yourself is all that matters

Thank you so much for this! I'm more of a rockabilly girl myself and I don't think I'm authentic whatsoever, but I have such a deep admiration for those who are and love learning from all of you. :hug:

 

[TillyMilly]

I don't normally post 'dittos'- but same here! Thanks.

 

[AdrianLvsRocky]

I've actually been thinking about this subject a lot since my last post and I *think* I can understand why it may be annoying to the more authentic ladies to see "hot rockabilly messes"! Here's my analogy:

I'm a big music fan. Really anything guitar driven but mainly rock. I'd say that my music is the one thing that I could not enjoy my life without. Anyway, you get the picture.

A few years back, a "trendy" company called Amplified started releasing rock t-shirts like AC/DC in sequinned writing etc. and suddenly it became fashionable to be a "rock chick" and wear band t-shirts. They'd appear in high street chains and fashion magazines. Now, I know it's irrational, but it drives me wild when I see fashion victims wearing band t-shirts. I just want to go up to them and say "Name 3 AC/DC albums" or "What's your favourite Motorhead song, aprt from Ace of Spades!".

Now, it doesn't bother me when I see kids at gigs wearing old band t-shirts because we've all got to start somewhere and they're clearly interested in the music and the things that go with it. I just hate it when people wear the t-shirts for fashion and don't have the first clue about the band or their history or back catalogue.

So, I guess it's the same with vintage. No-one minds people starting out with enthusiasm for vintage it's just that people don't like it when people want to jump on a bandwagon just because it's "fashionable" or "cool" and not because they have a genuine interest in it.

That's the way I see it anyway.

 

[rue]

Thanks for all the support and advice. The thing is, I kind of feel a bit of a fraud since I do have a lot of the things I need (the hot rollers, pincurl clips, sponge rollers, make-up , lingerie, accessories etc.) and an acceptable amount of real vintage peices- but the only real vintage peice I actually love is just one plain black woollen dress, I have put most of the real vintage in the loft as I'm just not overly keen on it- I like Old-style Glamour (yes, like Dita! *hangs head*)but the day-to-day stuff tends not to do it for me- So I'm not aspiring to become any more authentic- which is why i feel like a fraud on here.

You shouldn't feel that way at all, although I did at first too (it took me a year to sign up), but there are quite a few women on here that don't live the lifestyle and don't wear the clothes and even more that do one or the other, but they love the Golden era. There's also men on here that just like hats or Indiana Jones or WWII stuff, etc. It's really a mixed bag with a common interest.

As for me, I lived the lifestyle long before dipping my foot into the beauty and fashion part of it and I'm still a novice at the ripe old age of 41. I'm far from authentic right now and I may never be, but I'm working on it. I look at it like I do when decorating my house. I pick and choose things as I see them and add to the look I'm going for to make my house a home. I wouldn't get that look if I just did one stop shopping. Basically pick and choose as you go and you'll be authentic to yourself and that's all that matters.

I hope this makes sense [huh]

 

[SheBear74]

Rue, I think that makes a lot of sense. I am not authentic what so ever and I pick and choose what I love and wear that. I may use a pattern from the 40s or 50s to make a shirt then pair that will jeans and saddle shoes, plus have Victory rolls in my hair. I am kind of to the point that I don't even remember that I kind of look different till someone makes a comment. lol Wear what you love and don't worry about who thinks your a wannabe. Back when I had a Harley I had to deal with people who would call you a wannabe for not having the right "leathers" or if you didn't know how to fix your own bike. You just have to shrug it off. I was in it for the enjoyment of riding, I didn't feel like I had to prove myself. lol

 

[sheeplady]

I think where it gets confusing is because we all mature and grow as individuals over time. This is not to suggest that people who are younger are less mature, but rather that we don't reach the pinnacle of growth when we are 18 or 20- many continue to develop our tastes life long. That means for many of us that play around with things, our tastes change over time. Sometimes people mistake this "growth" process for trying to look cool. Trying one thing one day could be motivated by trying to look cool or just trying to find what you like. To the outside world, it can be mistaken for either one. Some people find their niche right away, for the rest of us it is harder. But the process is pretty fun.

If someone said to my face that I was not very authentic, I'd probably respond by saying "At least I'm authentic enough to act like a lady." And then I'd walk away before I was tempted to not act like a lady.

(I like the new vocabulary I have learnt from this thread- car show leg humper. )

 

[Miss Golightly]

It's great when you finally find your style and what works for you - I'm just sorry that I didn't start wearing vintage years ago - there wasn't much available in Dublin when I was in my 20's (plus I didn't have a clue how to dress - when I think back on some of the stuff I wore - yikes!) - still I would have loved to have been wearing it for longer.

 

[Penny Dreadful]

I've actually been thinking about this subject a lot since my last post and I *think* I can understand why it may be annoying to the more authentic ladies to see "hot rockabilly messes"! Here's my analogy:

I'm a big music fan. Really anything guitar driven but mainly rock. I'd say that my music is the one thing that I could not enjoy my life without. Anyway, you get the picture.

A few years back, a "trendy" company called Amplified started releasing rock t-shirts like AC/DC in sequinned writing etc. and suddenly it became fashionable to be a "rock chick" and wear band t-shirts. They'd appear in high street chains and fashion magazines. Now, I know it's irrational, but it drives me wild when I see fashion victims wearing band t-shirts. I just want to go up to them and say "Name 3 AC/DC albums" or "What's your favourite Motorhead song, aprt from Ace of Spades!".

Now, it doesn't bother me when I see kids at gigs wearing old band t-shirts because we've all got to start somewhere and they're clearly interested in the music and the things that go with it. I just hate it when people wear the t-shirts for fashion and don't have the first clue about the band or their history or back catalogue.

So, I guess it's the same with vintage. No-one minds people starting out with enthusiasm for vintage it's just that people don't like it when people want to jump on a bandwagon just because it's "fashionable" or "cool" and not because they have a genuine interest in it.

That's the way I see it anyway.

I absolutely know what you mean, and MOSTLY agree. This is an issue in the goth scene as well, and I'm sure pretty much every other subculture. People will make fun of the "posers" who think they have to listen to Manson and shop and Hot Topic because they're not "real" goth. But there's often another side to it. Sometimes the people who really are interested and involved in a subculture do find themselves liking the occasional "poser" outfit etc, and sometimes it's these people who are just dabbling that do eventually move on to being more authentic, because like sheeplady says, they're just trying it out for now but then realize how much it suits them and move on to "higher" things. That's why I don't necessarily think these people should be discouraged, just educated a little. And I think a lot of people need to stop taking themselves so seriously and admit that sometimes they want the silly band shirt/vampire book/PUG dress too lol

 

[shazzabanazza]

I've actually been thinking about this subject a lot since my last post and I *think* I can understand why it may be annoying to the more authentic ladies to see "hot rockabilly messes"! Here's my analogy:

I'm a big music fan. Really anything guitar driven but mainly rock. I'd say that my music is the one thing that I could not enjoy my life without. Anyway, you get the picture.

A few years back, a "trendy" company called Amplified started releasing rock t-shirts like AC/DC in sequinned writing etc. and suddenly it became fashionable to be a "rock chick" and wear band t-shirts. They'd appear in high street chains and fashion magazines. Now, I know it's irrational, but it drives me wild when I see fashion victims wearing band t-shirts. I just want to go up to them and say "Name 3 AC/DC albums" or "What's your favourite Motorhead song, aprt from Ace of Spades!".

Now, it doesn't bother me when I see kids at gigs wearing old band t-shirts because we've all got to start somewhere and they're clearly interested in the music and the things that go with it. I just hate it when people wear the t-shirts for fashion and don't have the first clue about the band or their history or back catalogue.

So, I guess it's the same with vintage. No-one minds people starting out with enthusiasm for vintage it's just that people don't like it when people want to jump on a bandwagon just because it's "fashionable" or "cool" and not because they have a genuine interest in it.

That's the way I see it anyway.

I stand by your analogy.

Im into classic rock and it pisses me off when I see chicks wearing a Zeppelin T shirt or a Jim Morrison T shirt just because they think its fashionable!

Your right AvsR, it is jumping on a bandwagon and trying to be cool, however what right to we have to criticize people wanting to be fashionable. I guess it all goes round in a big circle, we criticize them for not being genuinly interested and they criticize us for not being fashionable

 

[AdrianLvsRocky]

Good points from every lady.

I think the trick is to live and let live and even if we have irrational issues with somebodies dress sense (i.e. me and the band t-shirts thing!), we have to remember that they are our issues and nobody elses.

Like I always say, the world would be such a boring place if everybody was the same.

 

[TillyMilly]

I've had this problem before- of gettign into something too quick and feeling that i need to 'have everything correct' in order not be criticised by 'The Ubers'- only to realise once I actually got into it that it wasn't for me. I did this with Cybergoth- i stupidly thought that 'Industrial' was music like Ramstein etc. but after spending loads of money and effort getting all the 'stuff' (hair, make-up, accessories etc.) I got some industrial and realised that i didn't actually like it - it was 'industrial metal' i liked. I also did this when I was researching paganism and folklore- thinking i needed to dress in hippie-chic, covered in amulets and become a vegan! I've done this so many times- wasted so much money and effort.

It's really the symptom of a personal issue for me- low self-esteem. I think I'm so afraid of looking like a poseur or not being accepted (issues steeming from being bullied and being an outsider)that I go over-the-top without taking it one step at a time. It's like I needed a check list so I feel confident- goggles- check, dreadfalls- check, Cyberdog clothing-check etc. Okay, now I'm okay! When I was out I had to have the best outfit or be so done up that I was'nt recognisable- it got to the stage where I was'nt comfotable going out without the 'costume' for fear of people seeing 'me' and not some creation. In my owrk life I realise that I've been deliberatly labeling myself as an outsider from the start, setting myself apart for risk of rejection/ not fitting in.(sad really!)

I have no idea what changed at Xmas but something in me just realised that enough was enough! I've got a new oppurtunity comming up and taking it as a fresh start- new job, new collegues, new me!

 

[Amy Jeanne]

I gave up caring a long time ago whether I was "cool" or "vintage" enough -- just as I also gave up caring about what other people wore and did. If it doesn't directly hurt my life in any way why should I care?

Someone on this very board said Ed Hardy perfume was "ghetto." While I don't wear Ed Hardy (not my style) I must say the perfume smells GREAT and has a cute Clara Bow-esque design on it. I EMBRACE the "ghetto"!! lol

Another "poser"y thing: Putting others down because they don't meet your "vintage standard." Lame. That just shows to me how insecure you are. You'll see it a lot of this board, unfortunately (and mostly why I skick to the Ladies' rooms!) Live and let live.

 

[sheeplady]

It's really the symptom of a personal issue for me- low self-esteem. I think I'm so afraid of looking like a poseur or not being accepted (issues steeming from being bullied and being an outsider)that I go over-the-top without taking it one step at a time. It's like I needed a check list so I feel confident- goggles- check, dreadfalls- check, Cyberdog clothing-check etc. Okay, now I'm okay! When I was out I had to have the best outfit or be so done up that I was'nt recognisable- it got to the stage where I was'nt comfotable going out without the 'costume' for fear of people seeing 'me' and not some creation. In my owrk life I realise that I've been deliberatly labeling myself as an outsider from the start, setting myself apart for risk of rejection/ not fitting in.(sad really!)

I have no idea what changed at Xmas but something in me just realised that enough was enough! I've got a new oppurtunity comming up and taking it as a fresh start- new job, new collegues, new me!

I think that self-acceptance and even more importantly, liking yourself, is a very hard challenge. There are people who are just born with an amazing level of self-confidence, I wasn't. It has taken me a long time to even get close to being happy with my body, to feel at home in my skin and not be embarrassed by how I look or I choose to dress or what I think. Or even more importantly, who I am. You are not the only person who feels this way.

It takes guts to be yourself sometimes.

Congratulations on your new job!

 

[rue]

I gave up caring a long time ago whether I was "cool" or "vintage" enough -- just as I also gave up caring about what other people wore and did. If it doesn't directly hurt my life in any way why should I care?

That's why you ARE cool Amy Jeanne

 

[Gracie Lee]

In my own life, I've found that my self-love or self-loathing is closely tied to my friends. This may make me insecure in the grand scheme, but I'm at a good place in life where I have friends who love me for me, and don't care what I look like. I've also found that, in dating men who are comfortable with their looks, I've found security with mine. My bf these days, despite the fact that I weigh more than I ever have, and more than I did when we started dating, still thinks I'm the most beautiful and desirable girl on earth, and it makes me feel amazing. I guess what I've learned is that, if I surround myself with accepting, loving people, I have an easier time feeling beautiful and accepting and loving those around me. Suddenly, the opinions of those who would criticize me just bounce right off

That's not to say I'm not eating more fruits and veggies and hitting the gym now, I just do it because I feel better rather than because I want to look better

 

[Tatum]

The one that gets me is when I just decide to put on something nice because I WANT TO, and I get comments. From the hubby: "Oh crap, I'm just wearing jeans" or "Hon, we're going to Home Depot and the grocery store..." Fortunately, I think it is because he feels like a slob next to me than for any other reason, and he is okay with that. (He is definitely not self-conscious or insecure very often.) When I tell him I did it just because I felt like feeling pretty, he gets it.

The one that bothers me is when we have people over for dinner (which is almost always a casual affair) and they feel a bit out of place because I dress nicer. I try to tell them that it's nothing to be bothered by, yes I like to cook in a dress and heels sometimes...

What cracks me up about it is if people who usually see me dressing nicely all the time see me in jeans and a t-shirt, they tell me how cute I look dressed down!