Does wearing vintage Get you noticed by the opposite sex?

[Edward]

Sounds like half the Lounge Ladies are waiting for you to sweep them off their feet, young Patrick!

That's really quite sad - even though you might understand at the time that it stems from their insecurity it still has to be quite hurtful and unpleasant to hear that kind of thing.....

Yeah, well. There was worse too. Years ago now, now I laugh about it (I don't consider her an ex so much as a narrow escape), but it was one of the particular low points of what has been a largely negative experience of relationships over the past nearly forty years.

 

[Miss Golightly]

(I don't consider her an ex so much as a narrow escape)

That's exactly how to look at it - and I'm sure we've all had experienced those!!!!!!

 

[LocktownDog]

Amen.

 

[Miss sofia]

Yes, i've had a few narrow escapes over the years....

 

[Flicka]

I hate guys like that who try it on with you - then insult you to "keep you on your toes" and try to make you doubt yourself - almost like a "treat them mean to keep them keen" tactic. The sad thing is this may work on more insecure women but for confident women this is so transparent and pathetic and just shows insecurity on the guy's part.....

I blame The Game. It deluded men into thinking being rude is the way to score.

Yeah.... and it cuts both ways too. I had a very long term and serious relationship many years ago with a girl who made semi regular mention of.... let's just say certain attributes of her previous ex. I later discovered that the guy with whom she had a fling after our engagement broke up (and I suspected at the time for whom she left me - who knows?) was given a very similar story about myself. Some people just are so insecure as to need to keep others down.

Ha, I have a similar story. Sort of. My ex was – I almost used a rude word, but I'm going to use 'empathy deficient' instead – and after we broke up and he met someone new, we bumped into each other and I politely asked him how *new gf* was. He said she was fine, but she found it a little tough that she wasn't as smart as I was. At first I just went: 'But why would she...' and then I remembered who I was talking to, so I switched to: 'You didn't tell her that, did you?' 'But it's true!' he replied, all wide-eyed innocence. I explained to him that he could not tell his new girlfriend she was not as smart as his former girlfriend and he just couldn't see why not, when it was clearly the case. The worst thing was I knew he hadn't told her so to make her insecure, he just genuinely didn't understand that he was supposed to take into account how she might feel. I dropped it and was grateful that I only wasted 12 years on him...

Very narrow escape.

 

[avedwards]

I blame The Game. It deluded men into thinking being rude is the way to score.

Why can't more men realise that whilst acting rude may allow them to "score" with insecure ladies in the short term, treating women like ladies makes for a far happier relationship in the long run?

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Why can't more men realise that whilst acting rude may allow them to "score" with insecure ladies in the short term, treating women like ladies makes for a far happier relationship in the long run?

You answered your own question. Some men don't care to have a "long run".

 

[sheeplady]

Why can't more men realise that whilst acting rude may allow them to "score" with insecure ladies in the short term, treating women like ladies makes for a far happier relationship in the long run?

It takes a gentleman to treat a woman like a lady. And these men have no idea or concept of being a gentleman.

 

[MikeBravo]

I tried dancing once but I kept falling off my bar-stool...

I tried tap dancing once. But I fell into the sink

ba-boom-tish

 

[Rudie]

I blame The Game. It deluded men into thinking being rude is the way to score.

This stuff is a way to score. It works. Unfortunately the guys using these pick-up techniques don't realize they are scanning for low self-esteem women. High self-esteem women don't go for this kind of crap and find themselves a man who respects them just as much as they respect themselves.

 

[Marc Chevalier]

Unfortunately the guys using these pick-up techniques don't realize they are scanning for low self-esteem women.

And even if they do realize it, they don't care. They're not looking for long-term stability, only short-term bed hopping.

 

[rue]

You answered your own question. Some men don't care to have a "long run".

True, but even if you're looking for a fling or a one night stand, you can still be a gentleman. It helps to be honest if that's all you want as well.

Personally I've never understood why women are attracted to rude men anyway [huh]

 

[Rudie]

True in part, I'm sure. But I believe this pick-up stuff started as a kind of self-help community for men who were either too shy or unsuccessful with women for other reasons. I guess for every jerk who just wanted to lay as many women as possible there was another love-starved guy looking for a long-term relationship and just didn't have a clue how to attract women. And let's face it: Most men when looking for a relationship don't scan prospects for high self-esteem.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

Personally I've never understood why women are attracted to rude men anyway [huh]

Unfortunately many today mistake rudeness for self-confidence and assertiveness.

It's also just like back in high school when it seemed as if the girls that were considered the most desirable only went out with the bad boys. My theory is that it's an instinctive throwback to primitive societies where the females competed for the attentions of the mightiest hunter or the fiercest warrior in the tribe which is how success was measured back then. And I suspect that several dozen millennia later some things are still hard wired into the psyche.

 

[rue]

Unfortunately many today mistake rudeness for self-confidence and assertiveness.

It's also just like back in high school when it seemed as if the girls that were considered the most desirable only went out with the bad boys. My theory is that it's an instinctive throwback to primitive societies where the females competed for the attentions of the mightiest hunter or the fiercest warrior in the tribe which is how success was measured back then. And I suspect that several dozen millennia later some things are still hard wired into the psyche.

I dated plenty of "bad boys" but they weren't rude, they just did bad things

I suppose you do have a point though.

 

[Flicka]

I agree. One of the nicest, most gentlemanly men I ever met was a member of a pretty big band and known in the music industry for being outspoken and having an attitude. So yeah, he'd happily refuse to compromise and trashed equipment, but he also alerted security at gigs if he saw guys groping girls who didn't want to be groped and I once heard him tell a guy that where he came from, you didn't speak to women 'that way'.

Unfortunately, when you respond to the rude guys as they deserve that just triggers them. They just can't take a woman standing up to them. It's like they feel that if they can get with you, they've 'won'. Nothing to do with attraction and everything to do with dominance, like a dog humping your leg.

 

[Justin B]

I dated plenty of "bad boys" but they weren't rude, they just did bad things

Ok, love that. I consider myself a reformed "bad boy". In my teens and early to mid twenties I was a viscious, stupid, silly creature. When my first nephew was born though, the first time I looked into his eyes my world changed. I realized that I wasn't the sort of person I wanted him growing up seeing and looking up to. I feel lucky to have gotten out of that life and is part of how I ended up here. A former employer, and still good friend told me that "a man acted according to his wardrobe". Turns out it's pretty true. I went from leather jacket, jeans and t-shirts to a suit or at least a proper shirt and slacks most days.

Point of all that being, I can see it from both sides of the coin. In my rough and tumble days, yeah, it seemed easier to pick up a girl...but looking back the quality of girl was pretty low. These days I find I look for a better quality of woman, but it seems a lot harder.

 

[chanteuseCarey]

Been reading page after page of this thread. YES, gals (that dance or really want to learn) like a gent that can dance. My ex and I met via social/ballroom dancing during the rotation of men in a Int. Viennese Waltz class. My bf and I met via social/ballroom dancing during the rotation of men in a Beg. Foxtrot class. Both are good and strong leaders at dancing. It helped that I was a very good follower, the ladies need to hold up their end of the stick too!

Sorry Marc to disagree, but forget them Lindy Hoppers- unless maybe your'e 20. Now a man that's a good lead that can dance Foxtrot and NightClub 2Step, and the Rhumba too, oh wow. yeah baby...

It helped that he was an avid Lindy Hop dancer. Gals like guys who like to dance.

 

[chanteuseCarey]

Amen, girls that age generally speaking don't know nuthin' 'bout nuthin'. Most especially in regards to vintage hats and fedoras and vintage clothing for men and ladies et al. Excepting of course for my almost 18 yo dd who has been elucidated my her vintage lovin' Mum!

A cute girl at the bar tonight called me the "Mad Hatter". But hey, she was 22 at the most, so what does she know? (i'll duck now)

 

[chanteuseCarey]

I seriously got into wearing vintage only a few years back, and my (now) ex and both kids did too.

Other than the frequent wearing of my vintage furs (which he really loves, btw) with my modern wardrobe, my bf has only seen the vintage collection of mine and my two kids, (and the tiny amount of my ex's that remained after the divorce) from my showing him the "vintage" side of my walk-in closet when we first started dating.

BUT never say never! 'Vintage' covers many eras... As far as vintage or even vintage inspired with he and I; we recently started attending 19c. dance events and he got a full ensemble from Gentlemen's Emporium online that covered the time period 1850-1880s (or so)- his idea. He said he'd always been interested in it, but never had the real reason to do it until he met me.

He wants now to buy a tuxedo (he won't even rent one), but has a personal goal of wanting to lose a little weight first (10 pounds) before he does. Also his idea.

We are currently learning the choreography together for the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dance number "They Can't Take That Away From Me" in The Barkleys of Broadway film of 1949. Yep, his idea. Mr. Astaire was 50 when the film was made, Miss Rogers was 38. I'm 53, my bf is 55. For xmas gifts this year, to further encourage him to stick with wanting to achieve his weight goal and then thereafter get that 'present' for himself, I presented him with a pique bib and cuffs tuxedo shirt, a self tie bow tie and a tuxedo cufflink and stud set (they had very excellent sales at the holidays online at Jos. A. Bank).

Oh, and tomorrow evening for an early Valentine's gift (my idea)- he's taking me to the Stanford Viennese Ball, my two dancing teenagers are going along with us. Haven't decided which evening gown I'll be wearing.

I'm hoping he'll want to get in on the upcoming Film Noir Ball in early March out here. My kids really want to go to this, and I could wear my vintage 1940s coral rayon crepe long evening gown. My almost 18yo dd has a vintage 1940s peach rayon crepe evening gown she'd be wearing.