Does vintage clothing attract a rude/violent response?

[Pompidou]

There is polite social etiquette and then there is not. I usually never initiate touch (ie a handshake) before a verbal introduction. Even outside of gentlemanly behavior it's just how I was raised... to never compromise the honor of a lady...

Sometimes, bars and such get pretty loud, so I'm never shy about tapping a stranger on the shoulder, man or woman. I imagine if the person has so much honor that a tap or few on the shoulder would compromise it, the person has plenty of honor to spare and won't miss a smidgen of it for the sake of me not having to shout.

 

[avedwards]

I posted this over in the powder rooms "comments" section but I would love to get a fellas take on the situation. This happened 3 nights ago and I'm still pissed.

Last night I went our dancing with a friend and had a number of people (both guys and girls) tell me how much they like my dress. Not uncommon as I tend to socialize with the hipster thriftstore set, so vintage dresses and bowler hats aren't anything new to them.

But that night I've had something happen that is a new one for me.
Twice, I had guys tug on my belt or the back of my dress to get my attention as I walked by. I was sort of speechless and pretty pissed. When it happened a third time, I went a little nuts on the guy. I whirled around and said "No! This dress is 60 years old- it's almost a senior citizen! Do you go around yanking on your grandma like that?" I'm sure he had no idea what my problem was but sheesh!
Whatever happened to tapping someone on the shoulder if you want their attention?
Why on earth would anything think it's appropriate to pull on a gals clothing?

I know a lot of the men here get people grabbing at your hats and the like. How you you handle it?

I think you had justification to be annoyed. If he wanted your attention and was polite he would have said "excuse me" or tapped you on the shoulder if it was too noisy to be heard. However if I were you I'd try to come up with a better comeback next time. Possibly point to a well-built bouncer (assuming you were in a club) and say "that's my boyfriend, I don't think he'd be too happy to see you pulling on my dress".

I personally get very irritated when people touch my hat or take it off without asking. My logic is that you wouldn't take someone's jacket off them whilst they're wearing it so why should a hat be different.

 

[avedwards]

Sometimes, bars and such get pretty loud, so I'm never shy about tapping a stranger on the shoulder, man or woman. I imagine if the person has so much honor that a tap or few on the shoulder would compromise it, the person has plenty of honor to spare and won't miss a smidgen of it for the sake of me not having to shout.

I think tapping someone on the shoulder is a perfectly acceptable way of getting their attention if it is too loud for one's voice to be heard. But pulling on someone's clothing is not acceptable under any circumstances, unless one is on extremely familiar terms and even then it's questionable.

 

[Puzzicato]

I tend to think trying to get into the field of vision to attract someone's attention is a good idea. I have a tendency to zone out, and a tap on the shoulder can make me jump.

 

[scottyrocks]

People always want to know why. I get a zillion questions about my attire always why's. It's usually in a condescending tone and it just upsets me. Most people give me a bit of respect because I'm usually dressed well, but when people talk down to me, especially because of how I am dressed, it just burns me.

Maybe it's my age, but questions about things like why I wear what I wear just don't bother me. My usual response is simply that I like it. That usually stops any further comments from those whose initial question was not not good-natured.

 

[mercuryfelt76]

A lot of people have commented about living in the UK and how few manners people seem to have here. There are some very nasty areas here but there are some truly magical areas where people greet strangers as they walk past.

But to all the people who say that you can walk through London and nobody bats an eyelid can't have been here many times and must have stayed in zone 1 (downtown). Try walking through South or East London and see if nobody reacts to your vintage style then. Central London has the highest concentration of CCTV cameras in the world. Nobody will start I fight if they're on camera. Besides there's no cameras in the bad areas and there's a big difference. You can live in South Manhattan all your life and never see a gang but the minute you arrive in The Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens etc...

And with regards to the comment about the "Class Warfare" it makes no difference. The worst offenders are the middle class. Truthfully I normally get nice comments from the people living in The housing blocks, it never seems to be them.

I actually get a lot of nice comments for wearing my vintage clothes. But I do believe we get more abuse that the other "different" types. Probably because we're seen as too much of a gentleman to engage the enemy. On a few occasions I have confronted people and purely because my accent clearly isn't as posh as my clothes the offender usually backs down. When people dress like this and have a working-class accent people tend to think "gangsta".

 

[LizzieMaine]

Because I work in a theatre, I get a lot of "are you in costume for a show?" comments from tourists at this time of year. My standard response is "No, they found me in the attic when they were renovating."

I've never had any kind of inquisitive comment from a local, except the occasional "where do you get your clothes?" And I've never had a genuinely negative/sneering comment from anyone. We have our street punks here, but yelling remarks at people would be too much work, so they don't bother.

 

[AntonAAK]

But to all the people who say that you can walk through London and nobody bats an eyelid can't have been here many times and must have stayed in zone 1 (downtown). Try walking through South or East London and see if nobody reacts to your vintage style then.

That would have been me. I've lived in south London all my life. Currently Streatham, previously Balham (where I was born), West Norwood, Forest Hill. Never had a problem.

I actually get a lot of nice comments for wearing my vintage clothes. But I do believe we get more abuse that the other "different" types. Probably because we're seen as too much of a gentleman to engage the enemy. On a few occasions I have confronted people and purely because my accent clearly isn't as posh as my clothes the offender usually backs down. When people dress like this and have a working-class accent people tend to think "gangsta".

That's possibly true. I also have a pony tail and an ear-ring which doesn't at all fit with my vintage-style dress. Perhaps that confuses people.

I also find that being middle-aged helps. I think the younger chaps are likely to get more stick.

 

[Edward]

Maybe it's my age, but questions about things like why I wear what I wear just don't bother me. My usual response is simply that I like it. That usually stops any further comments from those whose initial question was not not good-natured.

For the most part, I find the same. If it is clear that someone is being snide, I tend to have a smart comeback like "It's the weekend, somebody had to make an effort", or a nonchalant "Where did I get this? Oh, the last guy that took the piss was wearing it". For the most part, though, it's very rare for people to be unpleasant - even if they find it eccentric (which, in truth, it probably is these days), the reaction is generally positive.

A lot of people have commented about living in the UK and how few manners people seem to have here. There are some very nasty areas here but there are some truly magical areas where people greet strangers as they walk past.

But to all the people who say that you can walk through London and nobody bats an eyelid can't have been here many times and must have stayed in zone 1 (downtown). Try walking through South or East London and see if nobody reacts to your vintage style then. Central London has the highest concentration of CCTV cameras in the world. Nobody will start I fight if they're on camera. Besides there's no cameras in the bad areas and there's a big difference. You can live in South Manhattan all your life and never see a gang but the minute you arrive in The Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens etc...

I don't know, I've never had a real problem anywhere in London, and I've been living and working in the East End for over a decade now.

And with regards to the comment about the "Class Warfare" it makes no difference. The worst offenders are the middle class. Truthfully I normally get nice comments from the people living in The housing blocks, it never seems to be them.

I actually get a lot of nice comments for wearing my vintage clothes. But I do believe we get more abuse that the other "different" types. Probably because we're seen as too much of a gentleman to engage the enemy. On a few occasions I have confronted people and purely because my accent clearly isn't as posh as my clothes the offender usually backs down. When people dress like this and have a working-class accent people tend to think "gangsta".

Maybe. I know my accent (broad NE Ireland, specifically the Larne area dialect) has thrown a few people before now. Most of the direct vocal compliments - and they are serious compliments - I receive on the street in London are from young (often teenage), male hip hop kids, most often black or Asian (partly a reflection of the ethnic make-up of the area in which I live). It's certainly taught me to be more tolerant in my attitude towards their chosen manner of dress.

That would have been me. I've lived in south London all my life. Currently Streatham, previously Balham (where I was born), West Norwood, Forest Hill. Never had a problem.



That's possibly true. I also have a pony tail and an ear-ring which doesn't at all fit with my vintage-style dress. Perhaps that confuses people.

I also find that being middle-aged helps. I think the younger chaps are likely to get more stick.

Age probably is a factor. I do seem to remember that at fifteen there only really were kids, teenagers, cool people in their twenties and one, amorphous "thirty-to-death" group who all looked the same. lol

I think accent does make a difference (certainly in my case, even if I'm no longer as "dangerous" as once I was. I do sometimes miss that, though the constant attention in department stores got old fast). With older people, I find the vintage wear does tone down somewhat the sinister effect of being shaven headed. Younger folks don't blink at that, it's a mainstream look now, but it is something that I think older folks (the fifty-plus age group) would still tend to associate with far-right politics. I've been told before I can be an intimidating physical presence, which I find wholly bizarre. Maybe I carry myself with a bit of a swagger? I know when I'm dressed well (to my own standards) it severely boosts my confidence - conversely, forgetting a pocket square can bug me all day....

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I'm like John Wayne toilet paper, rough and tough and don't take crap from nobody. When misinformed ignoramuses question my motives, it sets me of faster than you can say salsa verde.

Maybe it's my age, but questions about things like why I wear what I wear just don't bother me. My usual response is simply that I like it. That usually stops any further comments from those whose initial question was not not good-natured.

 

[LocktownDog]

Because I work in a theatre, I get a lot of "are you in costume for a show?" comments from tourists at this time of year. My standard response is "No, they found me in the attic when they were renovating."

Same here. I live in an area with a lot of historical tourism and reenactment. A lot of people bumping into me assume I'm part of the scenery.

 

[mercuryfelt76]

To all posters from London who don't get hassled: I'm really upset that I get so much abuse (verbal and physical) and yet it's like we live in different cities. You're serious? You've never even had a snide comment?

It can't be my accent - not long ago I was shoulder-barged really hard by a man in Victoria Station while I was buying a coffee. I wasn't even looking at him, let alone speaking. I turned round and he called me a pr**k as he walked away laughing at me. How did I deserve that?

I'm 35, it's not as if I'm a teenager so it can't be my age. I don't understand how this is a daily irritation for me yet some of you sound like you're invisible. What's your secret??????????????

 

[Gene]

I've been afraid of England ever since I saw "Harry Brown" with Michael Caine, especially since I couldn't carry my .38 legally. Some chav with a track suit tries to start something with me about the way I'm dressed he'd wind up with some chewing tobacco in his face and lead in his gut.

What's most funny to me is how these British kids take the worst parts of American culture and mix it with the worst parts of British culture, i.e. hooliganism mixed with hip-hop. Idn't it? Standard!

 

[mercuryfelt76]

Standard.

I'm sorry but I'm really shocked that there are those who never get comments and yet I get at least 10 times a day -mostly positive comments but often rude, abusive or even threatening.

 

[Gene]

Rude bwoah gotta git wif de program know wha I mean, aight? Bombaclatt be disresepeckin' me I get out de heata and do de bong bong, idn't it.

Seriously though, England sounds to me like they've got a large population of wannabe American thug types with Rasta accents who go around threatening people with knives. Am I wrong or am I just seriously skewed from watching your alls' films of some kind of society in decline?

 

[Pompidou]

To all posters from London who don't get hassled: I'm really upset that I get so much abuse (verbal and physical) and yet it's like we live in different cities. You're serious? You've never even had a snide comment?

It can't be my accent - not long ago I was shoulder-barged really hard by a man in Victoria Station while I was buying a coffee. I wasn't even looking at him, let alone speaking. I turned round and he called me a pr**k as he walked away laughing at me. How did I deserve that?

I'm 35, it's not as if I'm a teenager so it can't be my age. I don't understand how this is a daily irritation for me yet some of you sound like you're invisible. What's your secret??????????????

I wonder if it's a matter of degree. I don't know how everyone here walks around town, but if I assume that one's avatar is representative of the norm, you're an order of power more formal than anyone else here, outfit-wise. I think the problem is, the fedora has guys like Johnny Depp and Justin Timberlake making them cool. You can see them all over. The resurgence, at least for now, is real, and fedora wearers are beginning to reap the benefits. Meanwhile, nobody's doing the same for the top-hat and tuxedo. Is that how you tend to go about town? I noticed once I stopped wearing a brown fedora with khaki pants and a leather jacket, that all my heckling ground to a halt, more or less. People don't seem to make fun of vintage, but they love to make fun of costumes. If heckling is seriously bothering you, take a close look at whatever you're wearing and ask yourself if it does seem like a costume. That could be the problem. It was for me. I was dressing up like Indiana Jones. Are you dressing up like someone?

 

[mercuryfelt76]

My avatar is just a picture of me at the Ascot races last week. I don't walk around in a silk top hat - that's my most valuable hat and it only comes out at very special events. As for the morning suit, cravat and dress shirt ditto.

I've been wearing fedoras for 10 years but I never wore a suit with it in the early days. I got comments back then. I gradually got into the clothing later.

These days I do wear a 3 piece suit with either a fedora, trilby, panama, bowler or homburg depending on the weather. But I've had abuse for HOLDING a panama while wearing T shirt and jeans. It doesn't seem to matter what hat it is or what I'm wearing with it the minute I put a hat on, that's a step too far. I do get really nice complements, I also seem to be very easy to approach for nice people. We just get talking and no reference is made to my clothing until long into the chat. I can't lie, most comments I get are nice ones these days - since I've been wearing the 3 piece suits - but I get comments all the time. I love what I wear, enough to wear it despite the ignorant comments. I've had sincere constructive criticism in the past and that's not the same as the negative comments I'm receiving.

It's normally a 45-55 year old man who choses to make his point. When kids make a comment I know they're just curious and I normally just talk to them and their prejudice dies after a while. But adults are a bit harder to reach. I'm good at smiling at the right time which seems to disarm most people. The only thing that seems to work on some people is a scare, but I'm really not a violent person.

 

[Oldsarge]

I think you need to add a stick to your fedora. There's something about a length of hardwood with a brass knob on the end that tends to improve the manners of those around you.

 

[Pompidou]

My avatar is just a picture of me at the Ascot races last week. I don't walk around in a silk top hat - that's my most valuable hat and it only comes out at very special events. As for the morning suit, cravat and dress shirt ditto.

I've been wearing fedoras for 10 years but I never wore a suit with it in the early days. I got comments back then. I gradually got into the clothing later.

These days I do wear a 3 piece suit with either a fedora, trilby, panama, bowler or homburg depending on the weather. But I've had abuse for HOLDING a panama while wearing T shirt and jeans. It doesn't seem to matter what hat it is or what I'm wearing with it the minute I put a hat on, that's a step too far. I do get really nice complements, I also seem to be very easy to approach for nice people. We just get talking and no reference is made to my clothing until long into the chat. I can't lie, most comments I get are nice ones these days - since I've been wearing the 3 piece suits - but I get comments all the time. I love what I wear, enough to wear it despite the ignorant comments. I've had sincere constructive criticism in the past and that's not the same as the negative comments I'm receiving.

It's normally a 45-55 year old man who choses to make his point. When kids make a comment I know they're just curious and I normally just talk to them and their prejudice dies after a while. But adults are a bit harder to reach. I'm good at smiling at the right time which seems to disarm most people. The only thing that seems to work on some people is a scare, but I'm really not a violent person.

In that case, I'd just shrug it off. One time when I was in England, I needed to buy a new watch, and did, but the metal band was too big. I took it to a watch shop in Northampton where I was staying, and the guy behind the counter asked, "You're American. Aren't you supposed to be fat?" I'd just chalk it up to people being people. Besides, a rude response is better than no response. It means you're somebody people notice. You're important enough to go out of the way to make conversation with. That's the best.

 

[Shangas]

I think you need to add a stick to your fedora. There's something about a length of hardwood with a brass knob on the end that tends to improve the manners of those around you.

What was it that Teddy Roosevelt once said? "Walk Softly and Carry a Big Stick"?

MercuryFelt I think you just need to have confidence. If you're not comfortable walking around with a suit and hat...then don't do it. Personally I don't give a tinker's cuss what anyone thinks about what I wear, so I wear what I like, when I like to wear it, where I want to wear it at. And I've never had any hassles from anyone.

I believe someone on this thread (I forget who) made the very true observation that people feel threatened by things they don't understand and therefore feel a need to act out against them. I suspect that some of that is rubbing off on you. By that I mean people may feel put down by what you're wearing. They're all gussied up in jeans and T-shirt and leather jacket and studded belt with sneakers that looked like they've just walked from Australia to Russia, and you're dressed to the nines in a suit (tie?) and hat. Perhaps they think you have something that you need to prove (which I doubt you do. You're just being YOU), and maybe it's because of this 'perception' that they feel they need to say/do something.

Not to go all gritty on it, but I think they kinda get the message of "You hate me 'cause you ain't me", if you know what I mean. Perhaps that's what they think you're trying to do, which is why they act out. Whether or not that's true, I've no idea. But from you've posted about, I suspect it may be a possibility.