do you have many friends?

[_RAGNAR_]

I thought I had a fair number of friends and many acquaintances, but over the past six months or so, I learned I had the opposite! I moved over 1,000 miles from my past home in August of 2010. My friends all were talking about keeping in touch, coming to visit, etc. With modern technology, that's easy enough. Not really, as several months later I really hear nothing.

Meanwhile, word got back to my "acquaintance" group - basically people I knew, but really never spoke with much (which means I must have been too dumb to give them much of my time). Two of those people I hear from almost daily and three others actually moved here after asking about this area. One of those three is now living here and is my girlfriend. Worked together for 10 years and never noticed she thought so much of me. So, now I try to talk to everyone I've met here and try to listen to them and be a friend. Never know who is right around you, supportive and caring, yet you just don't see them.

Yes, I would highly suggest investing purposeful time in really talking to people and getting to know them. You will find many people who have some overlapping interests with you, but you will NEVER know it without talking to them.

You have to put yourself out there, and talk about stuff, most people here wear something that allows other people to make comments to you, but do you comment on other peoples stuff? Then when someone compliments you or asks about something turn it into a mini-conversation don’t just give them a one sentence reply.

It’s little sad to me that some many people here have a lot of cool interests but say they don’t have many or any friends. It doesn’t matter how small a town you live in, you can find friends and some of them will evolve into great, lifelong friends.

 

[Bourne ID]

Talk little, listen much! Wise words to live by. People love to talk about the thing that interests them most...Key word there..
"THEM". Encourage others to talk about themselves and you'll make friends fast, and it's not just a mind game, how else will you discover common interests with others.

 

[Black Dahlia]

It’s little sad to me that some many people here have a lot of cool interests but say they don’t have many or any friends. It doesn’t matter how small a town you live in, you can find friends and some of them will evolve into great, lifelong friends.

I guess that's why some of us are here, a place where we can talk about our interests and make new friends. Even if they are 'online' friends. ;0
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[AtomicEraTom]

Agreed, I have lots of friends but they're all 'rednecks', nobody who shares my love of vintage anything, except for one friend who listens to old country western like I do. So this is my escape from all the people who don't understand!

I guess that's why some of us are here, a place where we can talk about our interests and make new friends. Even if they are 'online' friends. ;0
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[Bourne ID]

I guess that's why some of us are here, a place where we can talk about our interests and make new friends. Even if they are 'online' friends. ;0
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Hit the nail on the head there Dahlia!

 

[Danny Ocean]

Agreed, I have lots of friends but they're all 'rednecks', nobody who shares my love of vintage anything, except for one friend who listens to old country western like I do. So this is my escape from all the people who don't understand!

Tom,

In that case, I'd consider yourself the fortunate one, after all they're the ones who are missing out!

Cheers,

Danny O

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I feel the same way. I wish I knew all my friends from the lounge in person (going back to the 'our own vintage town' theory) because I wouldn't need the pals I've got off the lounge. Sorry to rant, but nobody seems to be aware of anything that happened before The Simpsons came out! I made a reference to Officer Krupke the other day, and the reply was blank stares. I shouted "I AM AN ISLAND" and stormed off..... I don't understand how people cannot be culturally aware!

Tom,

In that case, I'd consider yourself the fortunate one, after all they're the ones who are missing out!

Cheers,

Danny O

 

[Yeps]

I was thinking about it, and while I don't have many friends (enough friendly acquaintances to be fine), people who don't know me seem to have a higher opinion of me on account of the way I dress. I at least get complimented a lot, by either strangers or classmates. So, if I can get my people skills up to par with my image (apparently I also seem friendly and interesting at first) then maybe I would be better at the friend thing.

 

[Widebrim]

When I was younger, I had quite a few friends from school and from work. As time passed, and we went our separate ways, their numbers were not really replenished. When you're in the service, you often gather many aquaintances and even close friends, but then we you're discharged, most of those contacts disappear. Having said that, I'm like my father was at my age: quite a few aquaintances, but few "friends." One lives in NY, one in Sacramento, one (who served "in country" with me in the Army) just outside of Sacramento, and two here in L.A. Apart from my sister (my closest friend in many ways), who lives in northern CA, that's it. Yet as my father once told me, if you've got just one really good friend, you're good to go.

 

[Bourne ID]

Interesting points, Widebrim, I got to thinking about my Father after reading the above. I spent my teens and early twenties trying to be different than my father, then, at some point changed my views (had children) and started trying to be just like DAD.
Now it is a great source of pride to be compared to my Father.

 

[Black Dahlia]

I find it's much harder as one gets older to make new friends. When you're in school, university or whatever it seems easier. In the past several years, the new friends I've made I've met them all online and thereafter they became 'real life' friends.
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[John in Covina]

My parents made a point of trying to keep all close by neighbors as aquaintances but not as close friends because they did not want to become part of the family drama of the neighbors. All of their close friends lived further away which allowed for less involvement in their daily drama.

 

[Akubra Man]

Very interesting thread. I am 52 years old and have a few close friends and many acquaintances. With my close friends we can go months without seeing each other but when we do get together we take up where we left off like it was yesterday. I have a couple of friends from childhood but do not view them any different than the close friends made during later. Also, I don't think numbers matter as long as you are happy. Some people are capable of having many close friendships while others would only want few.

 

[martinsantos]

Agree!

Maybe because at university we all have "open minds" to make new friends. And when we are in another city, living alone, we really are looking for friendship.

And is curious as today is easier to have friendship with people by internet and not with people we meet in person everyday... Something not only typical of big cities nowadays. One of the points most terrible in modern life: the "other" is usually taken first as an adversary.

I find it's much harder as one gets older to make new friends. When you're in school, university or whatever it seems easier. In the past several years, the new friends I've made I've met them all online and thereafter they became 'real life' friends.
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[Black Dahlia]

Agree!

Maybe because at university we all have "open minds" to make new friends. And when we are in another city, living alone, we really are looking for friendship.

And is curious as today is easier to have friendship with people by internet and not with people we meet in person everyday... Something not only typical of big cities nowadays. One of the points most terrible in modern life: the "other" is usually taken first as an adversary.

Very true. The Internet has impacted and affected relationships and friendships (and society in general) in strange ways. There certainly are good points and bad points to this!

Nah, not me I never had an 'open mind' *LOL* Always filled with something!
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[martinsantos]

I didn't have an open mind for friendships. Just when I found myself, just 16 y.o., alone in 16-millions city, and no one to talk I changed my way...

 

[Black Dahlia]

I didn't have an open mind for friendships. Just when I found myself, just 16 y.o., alone in 16-millions city, and no one to talk I changed my way...

I understand. It's tough where I live to make friends, language barrier. Somehow, we all make do. I'm thankful for the lounge and fellow loungers!
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[Bourne ID]

Martin, I agree that most of us had many more friends in school, but possibly as a result of far more leasure time combined with a very social setting. Completely surrounded by young people your age with just as much leasure time. It bears small resemblance to the adult world, the real world. There are things we want, homes, clothing, food, cars, families..etc... and our parents are no longer providing those things as they did when we were "open minded at university".
My "social" life is at work, business associates and customers, and after a hard day of "socializing", I go home to enjoy the fruits of my labor. My wife and my children and all the things that my ability to socialize has provided for us!
It would be hard to hold down a job or run a business if you were bad at getting along with others!

 

[martinsantos]

Of course the leisure time when at university can help a lot about socializing and getting friends! Agree with you.

My situation at work is somewhat different. Of course as a lawyer I MUST socialize with my clients, almost as much i need to show effective results. But very few I would like to call "friends", and fewer I really do it, in almost 10 years. There isn't "friendship" here - just business. (of course there are those exceptions. 8 years ago I helped an european girl arrested here. After so many years she still writes to me and my wife, and we think this is a friendship. Of course there is no business here, as I never would work in Europe and she never will come back to Brazil).

I really believe that true firendships are very important. Ever if I just want to talk, or exchange ideas (something that is so underrated today). Maybe we think to much about $$, forgetting that the world is more than this. ..

 

[Black Dahlia]

I really believe that true firendships are very important. Ever if I just want to talk, or exchange ideas (something that is so underrated today). Maybe we think to much about $$, forgetting that the world is more than this. ..

Again, I very much agree. True friends are very rare; the few I have I cherish them.
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