Did men stay at home longer in the Golden Era?

[FedoraFan112390]

I went through the 1940 census recently, to see what my family was up to. I looked at both sides of my family. On my dad's side, my great great grandfather was living in his home with his wife (both were 58), their son (who was 28 turning 29 and working as a building contractor), their two daughters, and one of their daughter's husband's. On the other side, my Great Grandpa lived with his wife, daughters, and with his son who was 28. Neither of these great uncles were "losers" by any standard, mind you.

Is it just perhaps my family, or did male children stay "at home" longer than they are expected to today? My parents (Who are Boomers) always harp on how at 16 or 18 or 21 they were living on their own. But looking at the '40 census I see a lot of older sons living with their parents. I wonder if that was just more the norm in the Golden Era...And if so, when/why did people start leaving home earlier?

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I think a big contributing factor was how many people still lived rural and needed the help on the farm. Also, I don't think it was as easy to move out on your own then. People didn't typically move in with a girlfriend or something, so that option was also not available as it is today.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Exactly. It was also very common during the Depression for a teenager to get married and for the young couple to live with one set of parents until the newlyweds could afford to get a place on their own.

It was very common for one's first home away from the parents to be in a boardinghouse, which will show up on the census as large groups of unmarried people living together, or a rented room in another family's house. It was not particularly common for a young person to go straight from school into an apartment of their own -- these other "semi-family" type homes eased the transition into independent living.

On the other end of the age scale, it was extremely common to take in an elderly relative who for whatever reason was no longer able to maintain a place of their own. There were no "retirement communities" -- although every town had its "Old Ladies' Home" or some such, these weren't used as a convenient dumping ground for parents or grandparents: they were intended for elderly people who had no relatives capable of caring for them. If you were capable, and Grandpa or Uncle Sidney or Aunt Florence needed a place to live, you took them in, no questions asked. Family came first.

 

[flat-top]

My grandparents owned a three family house from the Depression til the mid 80's. The three families that lived there at the end were my my grandmother and a single aunt, and another aunt with her 4 person family and my 4 person family, with different variations of my aunts and uncles preceeding that.
My entire Bronx neighborhood seemed to have alot of this going on, with older parents and their married children all living under that same roof.

 

[Pompidou]

The pressure to leave home as soon as legally possible seems uniquely American.

 

[Feraud]

My grandparents owned a three family house from the Depression til the mid 80's. The three families that lived there at the end were my my grandmother and a single aunt, and another aunt with her 4 person family and my 4 person family, with different variations of my aunts and uncles preceeding that.
My entire Bronx neighborhood seemed to have alot of this going on, with older parents and their married children all living under that same roof.

My three sibling and I live with our families within a couple of blocks of our parents in the neighborhood (Queens) we grew up in. Apparently we've never felt the pressure to flee to the suburbs like just about everyone we grew up with. All but one cousin married and move to the 'burbs.
My grandmother lived with us up until recently when unfortunately both she and my mother became ill. Although my grandmother is in an assisted living home and I am glad to say she is only a few blocks away.

 

[LizzieMaine]

That's how it was with my family as well. In 1940, my great-grandparents were still living with six of their eight children, and only one of them was under 18. Four daughers and two sons, and neither of the sons had a regular job: one was an out-of-work fisherman and the other drove a taxicab and engaged in unusual business ventures on the side.

When I was growing up, we lived on the same block as my grandparents, my uncle, and three great-aunts and uncles: I was the first member of the family to leave that street in three generations. My mother still lives there -- the only neighborhood she's lived in over 72 years.

 

[sheeplady]

Rural families, in particular farming families, had a strong tendency to have sons live at home as long as possible. My mother had unmarried uncles who lived with her grandparents until they died. Even those that owned neighboring farms often continued living at home for at least part of the week or come home for dinner. Almost all of the married children lived with the grandparents for a time after they got married.

My father lived with his parents from 0-18 and from 24-34. The first phase was them raising him, the second phase was him taking care of them. There wasn't as many facilities to care for older sick individuals and families did better financially when they stuck together and pooled their resources.

There is still strong ethnic/cultural bonds that tend to keep some extended families together. However, these people who choose to live at home because it's a cultural choice often get bunched in together with children who stay at home because they want to act like children.

 

[Stanley Doble]

There was no hard and fast rule. Some boys left home seeking work in their teens. Mark Twain once wrote that before his first big literary success the only thing he had to be proud of was that he had been on his own and self supporting since he was 13 years old. But that this was no distinction since it was so common.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

Very true, I moved out at 19 and thought I was home way too long.

The pressure to leave home as soon as legally possible seems uniquely American.

My dad's family owned a large trucking company in Milwaukee and owned quite a few houses on 3rd st. The whole family lived on 3rd St from the 1870's until my Grandfather built a house on 60th St. in 1951. He was the first one to move out of the neighborhood.

That's how it was with my family as well. In 1940, my great-grandparents were still living with six of their eight children, and only one of them was under 18. Four daughers and two sons, and neither of the sons had a regular job: one was an out-of-work fisherman and the other drove a taxicab and engaged in unusual business ventures on the side.

When I was growing up, we lived on the same block as my grandparents, my uncle, and three great-aunts and uncles: I was the first member of the family to leave that street in three generations. My mother still lives there -- the only neighborhood she's lived in over 72 years.

Our neighbors growing up were elderly and had a big farm, two of their sons still lived at home, both in their upper 40's and their other son lived just up the road.

 

[Edward]

My mother left home temporarily while she was at university; my parents only both moved out permanently, to the best of my knowledge, when they got married in their mid twenties. I had a great uncle on my mother's side who lived in London for a decade or so after the war, when the construction company that employed him as an administrator moved wholesale to get in on the reconstruction business. When he returned to Northern Ireland, though, he moved back in with his folks. When I knew him, in his fifties and sixties, he lived with my great-grandfather. As a single man with an elderly parent, I suppose there was simply never any question that he would move out. My aunt on my dad's side never married, and lived with one or both of her parents all her life until they both died (in 1980 and 2005). A cousin of my dad's didn't marry until into his fifties, and only then did he think to leave the parental home. Things changed a lot by my generation culturally - the old expectation that you would only leave home when marrying disappeared, and employment and having the economic resources to live independently being the deciding factors. I can see people leaving home later again, though. My last girlfriend - which was around eight years ago, or thereabouts, we were both thirty, I think - still lived with her parents because she simply couldn't afford to move out given what she earned, and also allowing for student debt. Now that students are leaving university in the UK with rapidly rising levels of debt (tuition wasn't charged in my day - now they're looking at GBP9,000 per annum, before they buy any books, eat or have a roof over their heads if they go to an institution away from home), I expect the already established trend of ever increasing numbers of young adults staying at home into their thirties will skyrocket, as people simply won't be able to afford to move out. I'm not talking either about buying property not being an option - renting is right out for many, as the average rent in many cities in the UK is considerably higher than what a monthly mortgage payment might be on the same property, but if you can't afford the deposit... Interesting times.

Myself, I left home when I was twenty-four, having finished university. Continuing to live with my parents was a non-option as the post I accepted was in London, but by that point I was ready to leave and would have anyhow even in the unlikely event that I had wanted to settle in the same village. A couple of folks I knew at school got married in their early twenties and lived with his parents for six months until they found a palce of their own that they could afford to buy. That was seen as quite odd indeed among our contemporaries.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Important too to note that the young people who lived at home were expected to contribute to the household in one way or another -- they didn't sleep till noon and then spend the day sitting around sipping coffee and dreaming about being in a band. They either worked around the house, on the farm, or got a job -- any kind of job, there was no time to be particular about "finding one's self."

The day I got my first teenage job, my mother told me I'd be forking over $100 a month for room and board. And I did that for as long as I lived there -- the free ride was over. In the Era it wasn't uncommon for working kids to turn *all* their wages over to the household, no questions asked.

 

[Stanley Doble]

You and me Lizzie. $35 a week room and board from the first pay check at 18. A lot of money in 1970. I could have rented an apartment and bought my own food for that kind of money.My take home pay was less than $100 a week.

First full time job that is, I had summer jobs and part time jobs from age 13.

My dad thought he was a real sport for allowing me to finish high school. His dad made him start looking for work the day after his 16th birthday. The first day you could legally leave school.

That's the way it was in working class families in the Golden Age. For most people wealth, income, and standard of living were much lower than today, close to what we think of as poverty level with little or no social safety net.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

The day I turned 18, my folks said I was expected to pay rent and buy my own food. I had already been working for years. There's no freebies in life and they taught me that. My friends said I "had it rough" having to pay to live there. It wasn't fun or anything, but it's what was right.

Important too to note that the young people who lived at home were expected to contribute to the household in one way or another -- they didn't sleep till noon and then spend the day sitting around sipping coffee and dreaming about being in a band. They either worked around the house, on the farm, or got a job -- any kind of job, there was no time to be particular about "finding one's self."

The day I got my first teenage job, my mother told me I'd be forking over $100 a month for room and board. And I did that for as long as I lived there -- the free ride was over. In the Era it wasn't uncommon for working kids to turn *all* their wages over to the household, no questions asked.

 

[Undertow]

My grandmother lived in the dormitories of her college for nursing when she met my grandfather at age 24. He was 29 and had moved to Des Moines from a farm in Casey, IA looking for work after the war. He was staying with family friends in an upstairs room of their home. In fact, he's mentioned that when he was doing manual labor across the country, companies he worked for would put guys up in empty barracks or apartment houses at a reduced cost.

 

[kaiser]

My grandparents owned a three family house from the Depression til the mid 80's. The three families that lived there at the end were my my grandmother and a single aunt, and another aunt with her 4 person family and my 4 person family, with different variations of my aunts and uncles preceeding that.
My entire Bronx neighborhood seemed to have alot of this going on, with older parents and their married children all living under that same roof.

This type of a family arrangement is rather common in Germany today. I have a two family house that my wife and I bought specifically so the her parents could have part of it. Not a bad set up when it comes to looking after children, and looking after the parents at some point in time.

 

[V.C. Brunswick]

My grandmother lived in the dormitories of her college for nursing when she met my grandfather at age 24. He was 29 and had moved to Des Moines from a farm in Casey, IA looking for work after the war. He was staying with family friends in an upstairs room of their home. In fact, he's mentioned that when he was doing manual labor across the country, companies he worked for would put guys up in empty barracks or apartment houses at a reduced cost.

A few years ago my cousins and I sold our grandparents' house which we had inheirited. It was bought by a local businessman in the area (I don't live in that town) who bought it as housing for his employees. He also owns the house next door which is also used as housing for his employees.

 

[Angus Forbes]

A distinguished, aristocratic Professor from Poland once told me the same thing -- he was surprised by the modern American custom where the kids move out ASAP.

Sometimes I think that there is subliminal corporate pressure to create additional American households for economic reasons -- three refrigerators are sold rather than one, so to speak, not to mention the housing structures themselves.

 

[Edward]

I find there's a lot to be said for independent living - I certainly wouldn't have stayed home beyond my mid twenties with any choice otherwise. Some people need their own space more than others, I guess. There are days I adore the fact that I can go twenty-four hours or more without any contact with a human being.

Important too to note that the young people who lived at home were expected to contribute to the household in one way or another -- they didn't sleep till noon and then spend the day sitting around sipping coffee and dreaming about being in a band. They either worked around the house, on the farm, or got a job -- any kind of job, there was no time to be particular about "finding one's self."

The day I got my first teenage job, my mother told me I'd be forking over $100 a month for room and board. And I did that for as long as I lived there -- the free ride was over. In the Era it wasn't uncommon for working kids to turn *all* their wages over to the household, no questions asked.

Sounds about the norm. My dad did the same, I know. I'd have expected to contribute to the house had I actually started working full time while living with my folks.

 

[magnolia76]

I recently moved home with my folks temporarily, and the adjustment is very hard considering they let me live for free and don't bother me at all. I moved out at 22 and have enjoyed my independence since then. I do sit and consider how lucky I have been to be able to live independently without the obligations (besides a job) of marriage, children, owning a home, etc before I'm out of my 20's. I think that children and young adults who stay at home for awhile before moving out benefit greatly from learning small "trades". How many young adults do you know who can cook? Sew a button back onto a shirt? These young adults shell out $40,000 a year for an education that will never be able to pay back the loans. The little vietnamese tailor down the road? Successful and recession proof, all from learning how to sew at a young age.