Dating and hats

[Yohanes]

Fellow loungers, I know all come from various age groups.. I just wonder, if you are or were dating during the time when wearing fedora is not common...do you wear your hat when you see your date? Let's say this is your first date with her.. are you going to state directly that you are a hat wearer? (of course by wearing hat when you show up).. Do you or did you have a kind of worried feeling that the hat may contribute to bad impression (due to unawareness of fun in hat wearing and collecting of course)

Did your spouse know your hat loving habit since the first time you two met?

Sure would like to hear the ladies' comments here too...

Love to hear your sharing...

 

[Stoney]

Most of the women I date know that I wear a hat. I really don't care what my date thinks about hats, it's a minor issue. Besides I'm usually too busy trying to find an excuse for removing my hat as well as some other articles of clothing.

 

[Edward]

Anyone who ever meets me knows immediately I'm a hat wearer - I don't actually recall the last time I left the house without one. Must be a fair few years ago, anyhow. As to dates, well..... I guess it depends what you regard as a "date".... I think it must be three years or thereabouts since I hung out with a lady where she and I both had romantic designs on each other. If simply spending time with a female friend is what you mean (most of my friends would be women, so what I regard as just hanging out with a friend some might call a "date," even though it really isn't), I've yet to meet one who hasn't been fairly positive. Either way, i don't care..... the hats are a big part of how I dress, so I'd just regard it as a way of filtering out women with no taste if somebody didn't want to be seen with me in a hat. I've been in a relationship in the past where I compromised myself a heck of a lot to fit with her expectations - only realised a while after I was out of that one just how much it was holding me back. Never doing that again.

 

[ScionPI2005]

I guess my opinion is that the hat makes up a part of who I am. Some days I wear one, and some days I don't. It makes up my personality and nearly everyone in my life thinks I look good in them and they complement me. Even if a potential date doesn't see a hat on me on the first date, chances are within the first few dates they definitely will see one. It's inevitable.

I guess if I were to go on a date with someone, and the hat turned out to be the only "culprit" in them not calling me again, that would just prove how shallow they are.

 

[fishmeok]

Only reason I didn't wear one on the first date with my future wife was that I was riding a motorcycle- chicks dig bikes...

Now I wear one depending on my mood. Not as often as I'd like, but working in a blue-collar job makes it difficult to wear a fedora. Doesn't really go with the cotton-poly uniform.
Cheers
Mark

 

[Spellflower]

If she can't stand the hat, I'm probably not going to be able to stand her. Why waste my time and money? I'd rather we figure out that we're incompatible right away. A hat isn't a deforming scar, or an STD, or a drug problem- it's not something that I'm ashamed of. I'm not going to wait until the third date and then say, "There's something I've been wanting to tell you... I wear fedoras. I understand if you don't want to see me anymore." Some women love a guy in a hat, and some are indifferent. But if it's a major turnoff for her, then she should go find some other guy.

 

[Joie DeVive]

I'd say Spellflower has it right. If hat wearing is such a problem for the lady that she won't date you, then she might not be the woman for you. It's a pretty trivial point in the scheme of things, really.
Now some gals are uncomfortable with people who are "different" or who stand out, but it sounds like that is part of who you are. If that doesn't work with her, she isn't going to be comfortable overall. If you're really worried that it might be a little much for a first date, save it for the second.

Good luck!!

 

[Vintage Betty]

Everyone here already said it better than me.

However, here's a tip: When meeting her for your first date, what is better than making sure she sees you and than whipping off your hat and smiling at her? What a great impression!

If you don't know her, than yes, I also agree that you might want to wait till your second date if you are feeling uncomfortable. The most important thing is to have a good time right? Not worry about the hat.

If you like hats, cars or sports it's who you are. She should like you for YOU not how well you dress (note the positive reinforcement!)

Have a great time!

Vintage Betty

 

[The Wingnut]

I've worn hats on many dates, and all manner of hats, at that. AAF crushers, panamas, homburgs, fedoras, top hats, newsboys, you name it.

...but my dates were vintage minded as well, some more than me. I've been casting about again lately and realize that I need to expand my field a bit, so I've been leaving the hat in the car. I may like my hats, but the majority of people just don't understand them or have a (sometimes badly)preconceived notion of what they represent. Better to have someone understand who you are first, then bring the hats, vintage clothing and other related aspects of what you are about after they're comfortable with you. This will prevent them from assigning traits or quirks to you that you might not necessarily have.

...no offense intended, but far too many people have a tendency to blur who they are into their clothes, cars, job, house, music and many other things that really aren't as important as they make them out to be. I'm still me no matter how I'm dressed, where I live, what I drive, where I work or what I listen to. I just prefer certain things over others, and gravitate toward them. I'm the same me whether I'm at a black tie ball in San Francisco and go home to my apartment at night, or on active duty orders and wearing a uniform day in and day out, living in government billeting.

That said, you should be able to get along with your date / romantic interest / lover / spouse no matter what the situation.

 

[Spellflower]

I see your perspective, Wingnut, but I stand by mine. I'm a weirdo, and I prefer open-minded women. I'd rather stay single than date someone who would judge me and stereotype me based on something like a fedora.

I think part of the issue here may be how we view our hats. The Lounge is visited by people who are into vintage as a hobby and those who just like fedoras and wear them with their street clothes. I'm one of the latter, so it may be different for me. I see my fedora as a regular every-day article of clothing, like my shoes, not a part of a vintage wardrobe. If I was into Civil War reenactments, or a Trekker, I certainly wouldn't wear my uniform on a date, but that's because those are costumes, and are not worn on the street without drawing a lot of attention. The same might be true of a vintage wardrobe, and so it's understandable that it might not be the best thing to wear on a first date, since you don't want to subject your uninitiated date to undue attention. But just wearing a fedora doesn't seem to me to cross that line.

In the end, though, I agree that the most important thing is to feel comfortable in what you wear- otherwise it will take away from your enjoyment of the evening. For me, not wearing a hat would be very uncomfortable- I haven't gone out bareheaded for over ten years, and I just wouldn't feel dressed without a hat on my head.

 

[LindyTap]

Only reason I didn't wear one on the first date with my future wife was that I was riding a motorcycle- chicks dig bikes...

Now I wear one depending on my mood. Not as often as I'd like, but working in a blue-collar job makes it difficult to wear a fedora. Doesn't really go with the cotton-poly uniform.
Cheers
Mark

You just have to find the right one!
As for your issue, yes, I agree that a woman would have to be pretty shallow to care about the hat, but also, in a good hat that fits him, any man looks good. There is a reason fedoras were popular for so long, they look good on men. So, frankly, she'd probably like it. Whats cooler than a fedora after all?

 

[Tomasso]

What's the point of attempting to hide something from someone whom you wish to be close to; they're going to find out sooner or later.[huh]

 

[The Wingnut]

I'd rather stay single than date someone who would judge me and stereotype me based on something like a fedora.

So would I.

...those who just like fedoras and wear them with their street clothes. I'm one of the latter, so it may be different for me. I see my fedora as a regular every-day article of clothing, like my shoes, not a part of a vintage wardrobe.

...as am I. I've got a hat with me at the moment(at work) and one out in the car. Everything else on me other than my watch is modern.

If I was into Civil War reenactments, or a Trekker, I certainly wouldn't wear my uniform on a date, but that's because those are costumes, and are not worn on the street without drawing a lot of attention.

Agreed. Some would say the same of a vintage uniform such as an Army Air Corps officer's uniform. However, I wore one on a first date, and not only did my date like it, she was absolutely crazy about me from there on out ('til she met her current husband, but that's another story). However, said date was at a USO themed dance with the GMO playing aboard a WWII aircraft carrier...it was appropriate.

Human nature is an interesting animal, and someone who might be put off by an unusual clothing article isn't necessarily undesirable, or even closed-minded. First impressions should let the other person get a clear picture of who you are without too many distractions, and to most people, a hat that's not in line with the norm is a big distraction.

I'll put it a bit more bluntly; my fedora is not who I am, what draws me to my fedoras and other hats, what makes me interested in them, is who I am. A stiff breeze can rob me of a fedora, but it won't rob me of what compelled me to buy and wear it in the first place. I'd rather someone understand that than try to get them to accept the hat itself first.

 

[thebadmamajama]

My boyfriend won me with hats. He wore one the day I fell for him (a palm fedora), gave me the hat off his head right before we started dating, and wore a newsboy on our first date. I was taken. Then he started talking about his desire to get a top hat.

I really think it was the hats that won me. GO FOR IT.

 

[John in Covina]

Look for the guy in the fedora.

If it is some type of online dating thing, you'll probably want to meet in a public place like a restaurant in a mall.

"How will i know you?"

"Oh just look for the guy in the brown leather jacket with the brown fedora and don't mind the bullwhip."

 

[Tomasso]

and don't mind the bullwhip

 

[Yohanes]

Valuable inputs from you guys, thanks!

No, no date at the moment, but sure your views have strengthened myself to wear a hat on a date anyway when the time comes. O heck, if no fedora at first date, I still have my fisherman cap - which looks somewhat more "normal and acceptable"...

In my country, brimmed hats, well, can't be considered as dress hats - if viewed based on the usage of hat as accessories. I just realize that in the little town I stay where there are still many villages surrounding - you can always find a person wearing brimmed hat, even fedora. But most of them are senior citizens, and their hats are mostly battered already.. I believe they used them in the field very often, as the people wearing brimmed hats here are mostly farmers, fruit peddlers, cattle trader (cow, goat, and even poultry)..but surprisingly some of them are still in good shape although I have no idea what kind of fedoras they are wearing (wool/fur/velvet, or anything...)

Wearing a fedora may present a risk of being viewed as hillbilly...

But of course from time to time you can see Indonesian pop/rock stars sometimes wear fedoras (you know what kind of fedora)..

So what the heck, I love wearing fedora!