Customized Etiquette

[Uberneot]

In a few other etiquette threads, some people expressed disatisfaction with some of the "standard" rules of etiquette. While I personally enjoy following such rules, I find that since the world in which they were written, and the world in which we live are so different they require some modification. For example, Emily post states "In lifting his Hat, a gentleman merely lifts it slightly off his forehead and replaces it; he does not smile or bow, nor does he even look at the object of his courtesy. No gentleman ever subjects a lady to his scrutiny or his apparent observation." Now, I live in New York, and if I did this to every woman I passed, people would think I had some sort of nervous tic. So I only tip my hat if a woman makes eye contact with me, or if I have to excuse myself or apologize for bumping. The rules don't say what to do with men, so I usually just use a conspicuous nod, but I did that before I wore hats.

So basically, my question is, if you don't like the "rules," how would you change them to fit your life?

 

[Mycroft]

In a few other etiquette threads, some people expressed disatisfaction with some of the "standard" rules of etiquette. While I personally enjoy following such rules, I find that since the world in which they were written, and the world in which we live are so different they require some modification. For example, Emily post states "In lifting his Hat, a gentleman merely lifts it slightly off his forehead and replaces it; he does not smile or bow, nor does he even look at the object of his courtesy. No gentleman ever subjects a lady to his scrutiny or his apparent observation." Now, I live in New York, and if I did this to every woman I passed, people would think I had some sort of nervous tic. So I only tip my hat if a woman makes eye contact with me, or if I have to excuse myself or apologize for bumping. The rules don't say what to do with men, so I usually just use a conspicuous nod, but I did that before I wore hats.

So basically, my question is, if you don't like the "rules," how would you change them to fit your life?

In some of the more modern books on manners and such, they say you are just trying to make a better world for others and to do it with grace and legitimacy.

 

[Uberneot]

In some of the more modern books on manners and such, they say you are just trying to make a better world for others and to do it with grace and legitimacy.

Oh I completely agree. Courtesy is a wonderful, if increasingly rare thing. But I guess a better question would be, "What are your personal hat-related routines for etiquette?"

 

[The Wingnut]

I have a small group of friends that I run around with that are vintage clothing & culture fanatics. We went on a walking tour of Auburn, CA this weekend. Upon entering one shop, I removed my hat as I passed across the threshold...one of my friends asked, 'When should I take off my hat?' Not having the time or patience to list all of the different cases, I simply said, 'It doesn't hurt to take it off, but it can be offensive to leave it on...'

If I'm entering a building that's not a large public space, my hat comes off. Restaurants, shops, offices, etc., same thing. I'll tip my hat(grab the forward edge of brim) to someone that makes eye contact, I'll tip it forward to a lady(back of the hat comes off the head). And of course, if I'm being introduced to someone and have the presence of mind to remember, the hat comes off and is held in my left hand.

 

[Vladimir Berkov]

I went through a phase of reading etiquette books, some dating back to the mid 19th century and part of the problem is that many of them contradict each other.

Personally, in these modern times I would disregard any rule which requires a reciprocal act of etiquette which has been discarded. For example, do ladies bow when being introduced anymore? If they do I have never seen it.

As for hats, when and where it is removed, touched, etc still can have some significance so I would make sure to follow the general rules. I wouldn't remove a hat on entering a shop, restaurant or office though as a general rule. Each case is different. Being too ready to remove your hat seems almost as bad as being indifferent to keeping it on. Removing your hat sends a signal of your relative status as well as your respect, thus the phrase "hat in hand." Thus I would be careful of seeming overly submissive or timid.

My main hat etiquette pet peeves are:

1.) Hats being worn in the home
2.) Hats being worn in the classroom
3.) Hats being worn while eating (except at lunch counters, sporting events, etc.)
4.) Hats being worn in church
5.) Hats being worn when visiting someone's private office.


It really isn't hard to understand when to take off your hat if you understand the general principle behind the act. For instance, if you know that you should take your hat off inside a church it would probably make sense to take your hat off inside a national memorial or mausoleum.

 

[jamespowers]

4.) Hats being worn in church

You're kidding me?! You have witnessed this? A man wearing a hat in church? That wouldn't happen in my church. If it doesn't come off, the man is asked to remove it as soon as possible---probably by me. :cool2: This means before he gets to the pew. :kick: Women are allowed as they have been for a thousand years or so now. :cheers1:
I can't believe that there are people so crass. Wow!

Regards to all,

J

 

[Biltmore Bob]

I brake all the rules, except for church.