Court Transquips

[mysterygal]

Check out these quotes. They're things people actually said in court, recorded word for word.
Q: "Well, sir, judging from your answer on how you reacted to the emergency call, it sounds like you are a man of intelligence and good judgement."
A: "Thank you, and if I weren't under oath I'd return the compliment."

Q: "And you're saying because she's dead she's no longer alive; is that what you're saying?"
A "Is there a dispute there?"

Q: "What did he say?"
A: "About that? All the way back he-I've never been called so many names"
Q: "You're not married, I take it."

Q: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
A: "Yes."
Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

Q: "You said he threatened to kill you."
A: "Yes. And he threatened to sue me."
Q: "Oh, worse yet."

Q: "Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact."
A: "Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg."

Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
A: "All my autopsies have been on dead people."

Q: "Now, Mrs. Marsh, your complaint alleges that you have had problems with concentration since the accident. Does that condition continue today?"
A: "No, not really. I take a stool softener now."

 

[TommySalieri]

lol lol lol lol


This one is my favorite.

Q: "Well, sir, judging from your answer on how you reacted to the emergency call, it sounds like you are a man of intelligence and good judgement."
A: "Thank you, and if I weren't under oath I'd return the compliment."

It sounds like something I'd say.

Some of these are quite morbid. Others simply give meaning to the phrase "stating the obvious". I would assume that in order for a prosecutor to avoid mistrial, he would have to go to great lengths to be as accurate as possible.

 

[mysterygal]

well, I'm glad you liked them...I was laughing pretty darn hard last night reading some of these, I've got more that I'll post tomorrow

 

[mysterygal]

more 'transquips'

Here's more real-life courtroom dialogue.

Q: "Do you remember what shoes you were wearing?"
A: "You mean the day I fell down?"
Q: "Yes."
A: "The same shoes I'm wearing."
Q: "What do you call those shoes? Are they flats...or how would you describe them?"
A: "I'd describe them as 'these shoes'".

Q: "Please review this document. Do you know what a fax is?"
A: "Yeah, I do, man. It's when you tell the truth,man,tell it like it is. That is what the facts is."

Q: "What is the relationship?"
A: "She's my aunt."
Q: "Who's brother or sister to whom here?"
A: "My mother is his brother-is her-my mother is-what is it? By marriage, I guess you would say. My mother is her brother-ishis brother by marriage, so she's just an aunt."

A: "You know, I don't know, but I mean, you know-you don't know but you know. You know what I"m saying?"
Q: "Do I? NO. Do I know? NO."

Q: "You assumed narcotics in reaching your opinions."
A: "Yes."
Q: "You didn't assume a Frito or a Cheeto or a banana. You assumed narcotics."
A:" It was a narcotics raid. It wasn't a Frito raid, counselor."

Q: "So you remember who the doctor was who performed that?"
A: "Yes. Very easy name to remember, Mee. "
Q: "Martin? (the witnesses name)"
A: "No, Mee"
Q: "You?"
A: "That was his name"
Q: "Me?"
A: " Mee"
Q: "M-e ?"
A: " M-e-e. That was his name, Dr. Mee"

Q: "Mr. Jones, do you believe in alien forces?"
A: "You mean other than my wife?"

Q: "Did he ever kill you before?"
A: "Pardon me?"

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

The case of Abbot Vs. Costello?

Q: "So you remember who the doctor was who performed that?"
A: "Yes. Very easy name to remember, Mee. "
Q: "Martin? (the witnesses name)"
A: "No, Mee"
Q: "You?"
A: "That was his name"
Q: "Me?"
A: " Mee"
Q: "M-e ?"
A: " M-e-e. That was his name, Dr. Mee"

lol lol lol