Conversation: A Lost Art

[HeadHunter]

What annoys me is how the cell phone has changed conversational etiquette. It used to be that if you were speaking with someone and needed to break for some reason, it was appropriate to say "excuse me." Now, when the cell phone rings, people just stop talking and answer it, without so much as a "by your leave."

I caught myself do it last weekend and had to apologize to the woman I was conversing with.

 

[nulty]

"I always think of that advice my father gave me, "Whenever you feel like criticizing someone, remember that not everyone in this world has had the advantages you've had," or something to that effect. "

Page 1 Great Gatsby....

It can also make you victim to not a few veteran bores....

In all honesty I don't hate small talk, I just suck at it. I'm actually quite enthralled by the mind that can graze the meadow of existence with skill and enthusiasm and never get to the root of anything which lies underneath.

After a session with such an individual I usually have the sudden urge to grab the latest People magazine and have my self a nice long 15 minute read.

 

[Folly]

I think maybe it's something to do with modern life - people, ie much younger people, may be more solitary now with PC's, video games, et cetera and have lost the know how for such things.

People used to talk more, maybe they had more to talk about, but then came the advent of the television and over time it seems to have sapped the art of conversation.

I'm not a very social person, in that I mean that I live in a remote village and rarely see anyone - if I do see someone, I get a tad breathless when speaking that or I talk ten to the dozen lol
I also have got myself into the usual situations where I voice my opinions only to be met with stunned expressions. I found myself talking at length about shopping in the forties, then realised the room was silent and people were just gaping at me as I then trailed off with an embarassed tone and added, "Not that I was there or anything..........." so I usually keep quiet.

 

[Hemingway Jones]

"I always think of that advice my father gave me, "Whenever you feel like criticizing someone, remember that not everyone in this world has had the advantages you've had," or something to that effect. "

Page 1 Great Gatsby....

It can also make you victim to not a few veteran bores....

In all honesty I don't hate small talk, I just suck at it. I'm actually quite enthralled by the mind that can graze the meadow of existence with skill and enthusiasm and never get to the root of anything which lies underneath.

After a session with such an individual I usually have the sudden urge to grab the latest People magazine and have my self a nice long 15 minute read.

Paraphrased, of course.

Yes, well, there is always the time tested art of excusing oneself.

 

[happyfilmluvguy]

People talk, just don't give them a big smile and say "I like you!"

 

[Paisley]

One of the best evenings I ever spent was at a cocktail party among people who had been all over the world. I heard about the City of Gardens (or was it flowers? it was Lahore, Pakistan); met 70-year-old people who seemed 35; heard about ice climbing; and talked about life, death, privacy, and what people had in common no matter where they were from.

In my first posts, I was not thinking about deep philosophical conversations, although everyone's point about how they are lacking today is very true. And I don't dislike small talk: most people don't want to dive right into deep conversations, and a little small talk can give each person a feel for the other. However, since I don't follow sports or pop music or mass media, I really can't contribute anything on typical small-talk fronts. (I do watch American Idol sometimes )

When I've tried three or four times to engage someone in a conversation (even a superficial one), and get back one-word or one-sentence answers, I have thought that I am not doing a very good job of drawing them out. (I think I usually know when someone doesn't want to talk right then.) But now I wonder if some people don't realize that a conversation is a little like a friendly game: one person moves (or serves or bids) and the other person responds and you both keep playing. It's not like American Idol where one person has the stage and then another person has the stage. Or even worse: I have the stage and I'm supposed to entertain them. I really don't know if that's some people's idea, but now I wonder if it is.

I know now it's not entirely me. It's easy for me to converse with people who are curious, read a lot, meet a lot of people, and frankly seem to know how a conversation is supposed to work. And I've always found it easier to converse with people older than I.

 

[s7eng]

It's not like American Idol where one person has the stage and then another person has the stage. Or even worse: I have the stage and I'm supposed to entertain them. I really don't know if that's some people's idea, but now I wonder if it is.

.

I think you’re on to something here. I was in the workplace lunch room with a friend one time. He observed that the topic that one person was talking about was not a topic I am readily interested in, but I listened to what the person had to say. Now when I was talking on another subject the other person just dismissed me and turned away.

I love to have conversations with all kinds of people on all kinds of subjects. (Whether the subject is something I was previously interested in or not. How else does one grow?)

 

[lindylady]

I think you’re on to something here. I was in the workplace lunch room with a friend one time. He observed that the topic that one person was talking about was not a topic I am readily interested in, but I listened to what the person had to say. Now when I was talking on another subject the other person just dismissed me and turned away.

I love to have conversations with all kinds of people on all kinds of subjects. (Whether the subject is something I was previously interested in or not. How else does one grow?)

I don't think that people are as interested in growing intellectually nowadays. They have their internet search engines and Wikipedia, so they figure if they have to find out something, they can go to those resources. While they are good resources, they are not a substitute for real human conversation and feedback. When you become dependent on or simply used to artificial modes of information, you can control what you learn, delve into, and study. These days, if people can't control what they are exposed to, then they will not participate in the conversation. Sadly, the result is a decline in stimulating and diverse points of view.

 

[Novella]

I don't think that people are as interested in growing intellectually nowadays. They have their internet search engines and Wikipedia, so they figure if they have to find out something, they can go to those resources. While they are good resources, they are not a substitute for real human conversation and feedback. When you become dependent on or simply used to artificial modes of information, you can control what you learn, delve into, and study. These days, if people can't control what they are exposed to, then they will not participate in the conversation. Sadly, the result is a decline in stimulating and diverse points of view.

I think that people are as interested as ever in growing intellectually. People are usually naturally curious about all sorts of topics. I think it's often a passive interest though. A sort of you serve the information to me (via TV, internet, movies, etc.) rather than that person develop the topic themselves.

I do agree that internet resources are often used as ways of finding out things rather than asking people. I do it all the time - why bother asking someone for help about something when I can do it myself by taking the time to look it up online? I look at it as self-sufficiency, but it does have the negative flip side of taking away a point of possible conversation.

As far as conversation goes, I like all kinds - from talking about the latest TV episode of something to discussing philosophical or historical topics. The only kind I don't like is negative, deconstructive gossip. Or comments meant to start fights. Drama's not my thing - I only start snow fights.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

I only start snow fights.

You got snow?
Finally got some here,...I love it!

 

[Naama]

I think you’re on to something here. I was in the workplace lunch room with a friend one time. He observed that the topic that one person was talking about was not a topic I am readily interested in, but I listened to what the person had to say. Now when I was talking on another subject the other person just dismissed me and turned away.

I love to have conversations with all kinds of people on all kinds of subjects. (Whether the subject is something I was previously interested in or not. How else does one grow?)

I know exactly what you are talking about!
I go to university with a guy, he studies digital arts and I study photography, so I thought it would be nice to talk about our works as artists, because that's something you just can't talk about with everyone. So I asked him what kind of stuff he does, what he is interested in his work and those things. When he was talking, you could hear that he was happy to talk about those stuff, but do you think he even asked me about my opinions?

And for smalltalk, when I was younger, I never knew what to talk about, since I was never one of those people who talk aboute nothing. I had a hard time getting to know people or making friends, since I was so quite. Now I learned to talk aboute "nonsense" (don't like it though) but now I get to know a lot of people, some of them I get to know better and learn that they are also able to talk about things which make sense. Some people may seem shallow, but that's not always everything.

Naama

 

[Slicksuit]

I don't think that people are as interested in growing intellectually nowadays. They have their internet search engines and Wikipedia, so they figure if they have to find out something, they can go to those resources. While they are good resources, they are not a substitute for real human conversation and feedback. When you become dependent on or simply used to artificial modes of information, you can control what you learn, delve into, and study. These days, if people can't control what they are exposed to, then they will not participate in the conversation. Sadly, the result is a decline in stimulating and diverse points of view.

I think that the internet can be a double-edged sword. It all depends on whether the sources of information are diverse in viewpoint. Take politics, for example. I don't think it's wise to simply form a viewpoint from just one source, such as FoxNews or CNN. For my news, I also check out the BBC, Democracy Now!, etc. On the whole, I believe that Wikipedia is rather balanced.

To play devil's adovcate, I suppose that it could also be argued that the internet allows a more genuine form of interaction, due to the anonymity and ease of communication. If opinions are formed by other people in one's environment, and assuming one doesn't stray far from their own chosen identity group, real-life interactions may not be as dynamic as supposed.

Internet or not, I think that people also have a tendency to narrow their exposure to differing viewpoints based on the people they associate with. It's all too easy to dismiss those who don't agree with you and seek interaction from those that do in most respects.

On the whole, I value direct interaction with others, because I have the feedback of facial gestures and nonverbal communication...something horribly lacking in other forms of communication.

 

[Paisley]

When he was talking, you could hear that he was happy to talk about those stuff, but do you think he even asked me about my opinions?
Naama

Ah yes, the all-about-me type. My sister was this way, talked nonstop, and was very negative towards most other people. She was quite lonely.

I talked to my hairstylist about conversation killing responses. She called them 13-year-old-isms. For example:

"Where do you go to school?"

"Flood Middle School."

"What's your favorite subject?"

"Math."

"What else do you do?"

"Hang out."

 

[carebear]

On the whole, I value direct interaction with others, because I have the feedback of facial gestures and nonverbal communication...something horribly lacking in other forms of communication.

Don't forget the important conversational technique of choking someone who's being an idiot. The internet allows a lot of rudeness and abysmal behavior simply because the natural sense of self-preservation is irrelevant.

Folks feel free to hound the different and be unconscionably horrid because they don't have to fear the righteous wrath of the "firmly" polite.

 

[Paisley]

Online communication

I don't think most people converse for information. The Internet is great for looking up specific, cut-and-dry information, or for esoteric information that your friends might not have.

However, it probably won't address situations that you, as a unique individual, might have. For example, there is a lot of information out there about growing roses. But most of it doesn't apply to rose growing in the Interior West; gardening here is much different than it is in California, the East Coast and England, which is where most gardening information for. The Internet is good for looking up real, live Western rose growers you can e-mail or meet. Or take dancing. You can look up information on dances and technique, but you just have to do it with real live people, and get their feedback, to get the hang of it. And I'm sure we all know of people who have met their mates online.

But even the best Internet friends, if they are far away, cannot house sit for you, do lunch, or laugh at your jokes in real time.

I feel like I am re-writing Bowling Alone.

 

[Spitfire]

Lady Stardust, I am so much like you. I can't stand smalltalk - that is talking about what was on TV last night, the weather, the news...what have you.
It seems like it will never ever end. And it does not lead anywhere.

Just like I can't stand cellphones. Never use it - ony if I absolutely has to. Otherwise it is closed. In my briefcase or pocket.
I loathe people who - as the first thing they do in public transportation - brings out their cellphone, to call their fiends in order to find out where they are or what they are doing....pointless waste of time!!!!
"Who? Me! I am on the train" Yes stupid! We all know that!!!! We can both see you AND hear you....

(Uhhh really got the conversation going here...)

I am no good in talking in telephone either - so my friends and relatives say.
I can talk for hours with people on many different objects - but smalltalk....forget it. The art of chit-chat conversation is not my strong side.

 

[Smithy]

Spitfire, I'm much like you, I hate mobile phones and I really dislike the fact that someone can reach you 24/7. I make a point of switching my one off most of the time in the evening.

And I loathe talking on the telephone. I can't stand it, the only time I enjoy it is talking to friends or family overseas, then I can see the point. But just to ring someone up in the same town as yourself and gabble on about this and that. Not my cup of tea.

I think phones probably have contributed to a decline in conversational skills, hardly surprising, and mobiles have compounded that. The education system probably has to do with it in most countries now as well. Here when I went to school you had English grammar lessons, now I believe sadly that's all gone out the window.

 

[LadyStardust]

Ooh, since we've somewhat veered off into the annoyances of cell phones, I'd like to add my own opinion. They're not necessary, but a convenience in urgent situations, and should be treated as such. What I can't stand is people who are literally glued to their cellphones, and act like they would die without them. Especially people with those god-awful bluetooth headsets!:rage: Talk about pathetic! And then there's the ultimate in ridiculous phone behavior. As mentioned I work in an office, and there's this one man, and everytime he's on the phone, he turns it on speaker. IN PUBLIC!:eusa_doh: Not only is that rude to surrounding people, but I know if I was the person on the other line, and found out my conversation was being broadcast to many people, I would cease contact with the other person immediately. It just leaves me speechless everytime this man does so!

Back to in regards to conversation, or lack thereof, one of the new modern "conversation starters" that drives me up the wall is when someone just asks "What's up?" Even if it's in a cheerful voice, it just leaves one hanging. What are you supposed to answer to that? The sky? Almost anything is better than that!

 

[Slicksuit]

And then there's the ultimate in ridiculous phone behavior. As mentioned I work in an office, and there's this one man, and everytime he's on the phone, he turns it on speaker. IN PUBLIC!:eusa_doh: Not only is that rude to surrounding people, but I know if I was the person on the other line, and found out my conversation was being broadcast to many people, I would cease contact with the other person immediately.

Oooh...don't get me started on those people who constantly talk on their cell phones with the 'push to talk, walkie-talkie' feature (like Nextel). :rage: Augh! The constant "twerp" sound as they make connections, and that loud "aaaaauuu" noise that's made when their connections conflict....it just drives me crazy. I thank God that I don't see it as much as I did a few years ago, when it was all the rage.

 

[Twitch]

Seems to me conversing is at some kind of all time high with texting, cells and email in constant use. I never see people sitting together in silence either. They're quacking it up.