Clean Jokes

[Benny Holiday]

When I was a kid in the 70s here in Sydney it was:
Jingle Bells, Batman smells
Robin flew away
Wonder Woman lost her bosom
Flying TAA*

*The now defunct Trans-Australian Airlines

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

View attachment 567075

“When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!” — Yogi Berra

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[LostInTyme]

 

[Trenchfriend]

Pretzel sticks? PRETZEL STICKS??

SALZSTANGEN! JAWOHL, HERR KOMMANDANT!!

 

[Doctor Damage]

The comment I saw attached to this photo, by the photographer, was "Proof of Neon."

 

[Frunobulax]

I hate people who take drugs.

Like...the TSA.

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[Turnip]

 

[Frunobulax]

This one's courtesy of Father's Homily yesterday.

It's Christmas Eve. A young mother has spent the day baking fresh cookies and is carrying a plate of them and a glass of milk to the mantlepiece for Santa. As she walks through the room, her children watching, beaming with excitement, she trips and one of the cookies slides off the plate to the floor.

"Five second rule!" she exclaims, as she retrieves the cookie and replaces it on the plate. Her two children look wat her in shock, "We can't give that cookie to Santa! It's dirty!" the daughter said.

"I just cleaned the floors today, and I invoked the Five Second Rule - besides, Santa will never know."

Her young son looked up at her and said, "Wait a minute, your telling me he can only see what I do?!"

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[Zombie_61]

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"Morning Lisa"?

 

[tonyb]

Me, back in my thirstier days: I’d like a vodka and tonic, please.

Bartender: Sorry, man. I can’t serve alcohol until 10 a.m., state law, you see. But wanna have a seat? It’s only 10 minutes ’til 10.

Me: Sure, thanks.

Bartender: Care for a vodka and tonic while you’re waiting?

 

[Doctor Damage]

"Morning Lisa"?

yeah definitely "sex hair" as a woman once said to me (sadly never got a legover with her)

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[Doctor Damage]

There's a site that sells fake pulp paperback book covers, when I find it I'll post a link. Here a sample. This one is tame compared to some of their stuff, but those old paperbacks really provide room for weirdness.

 

[Doctor Damage]