Clean Jokes

[BobHufford]

 

[Bamaboots]

 

[Trenchfriend]

German lesson, today, my loungers!

Safety strap loop <> F - A - N - G - R - I - E - M - E - N - Ö - S - E

 

[LostInTyme]

Researchers have determined that if you mix a Viagra in with your Miracle Grow, you won't have to stake your tomato plants.

 

[LostInTyme]

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS


My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth….

I have an uncle, once removed….


My uncle always used to say to me, “When one door closes, another opens.”

He was a decent philosopher, but a lousy cabinet maker….


My uncle spent $150,000 on a new limousine and later found out the price does not include a driver….

To think he spent all that money and has nothing to chauffeur it….


About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard….

After that, he went downhill fast….


Why was the baby ant confused?

Because all his uncles were ants….

 

[Frunobulax]

 

[Trenchfriend]

@Frunobulax
But what has the PhD to do with the girlfriend?

 

[Frunobulax]

@Frunobulax
But what has the PhD to do with the girlfriend?

Both look like they've been through hell. That's the pont.

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[Turnip]

 

[Trenchfriend]

In the early 90s, kids would have grabbed Pa's air rifle. Times are changing...

 

[LostInTyme]

Many years ago there were two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, who inherited the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly...
com-for-da-bull."

 

[Doctor Damage]

amazing obituary:

 

[Doctor Damage]

 

[02 nighttrain]

 

[Turnip]

 

[BobHufford]

 

[LostInTyme]

You just can't trust any thing to be truly on the level these days.

 

[Turnip]

 

[Trenchfriend]

"What, TWELVE kids he has??"

"Man, this guy must have leisure time!"