Clean Jokes

[Frunobulax]

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Groan...

 

[Bamaboots]

Groan...

My work here is done.

 

[Tiki Tom]

What award did the top dental school student receive?
A little plaque.

 

[BobHufford]

 

[LostInTyme]

A guy shows up at a walk-in clinic and claims to be invisible. The nurse tells the doctor about the patient in the waiting room and the doctor replies,

"Tell him I can't see him today."

 

[Turnip]

Billy loves Mother Nature, on Sunday mornings you’ll often find him out in the green.

 

[Trenchfriend]

M.R.E., always good on battlefield.

Batter your enemy with it and he will die on heavy constipation...

 

[Zombie_61]

M.R.E., always good on battlefield.

Batter your enemy with it and he will die on heavy constipation...

The thing about MREs that most civilians don't know is that they're specifically formulated to not only provide the necessary nutrition, but also to delay the "elimination" process until a more convenient time for the troops. But, as a good friend and former Sergeant First Class told me, "When it's time to offload you'd better be near the latrine, 'cause it's coming out whether you like it or not."

 

[Turnip]

 

[1967Cougar390]

Johnny Wise

Johnny’s teacher said told the class we are going to have a test. The teacher asked Sallie to spell, sky. Sallie replied s-k-y, sky. The teacher replied correct; now use sky in a sentence. Sallie replied, the sky is blue. The teacher said very good Sallie.

Next the teacher called on Johnny Wise. Johnny spell, before. Johnny stood up and smartly replied, I got this. B, e, f, and a long pause followed; o, r, and e. He said before, almost as if he was asking a question. The teacher replied, correct; Johnny replied, I told you I got this! The teacher replied Johnny, please use before in a sentence. Johnny’s confidence was over the moon at this point. All smiles Johnny replied, no problem! Two and two be four! The class erupted in laughter as Johnny sat down smiling.

 

[Turnip]

 

[Hurricane Jack]

No indication of yr, so no administration or politics implied.

 

[Zombie_61]

Yeah, I know it's kinda' late in the day for this one, but...

 

[Turnip]

 

[Trenchfriend]

A line from The Final Countdown (1980), at the end, when the fleet staff enters the Nimitz. This line I never noticed, before.

"Aircraft carrier getting lost
in the Pacific Ocean.
What kind of Navy is this?"

 

[MisterCairo]

Norm Macdonald, hosting Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live, 1990s:


And in entertainment news, the play Hiroshima opened, with music and lyrics by Yoko Ono, to commemorate the victims of the atomic bomb.

One teary eyed survivor of the bombing who attended the play described it as, Quote: "the most horrifying experience of my life".

 

[Tiki Tom]

Whatever your views are about David Hasselhoff, you gotta admit that the Marketing guru who came up with this title for an album/tour is a genius.

“Party your Hasselhoff”​

https://davidhasselhoffonline.com/

 

[LostInTyme]

 

[Bebop]

A blind man and his dog enter a jewelry store.
The blind man grabs his dog by the tail and swings him around and around.
The clerk walks up to the man and asks, "Sir, what are you doing? Can I help you?"
The blind man replies, "No thank you, just looking".

 

[Turnip]