Children at Weddings

[PrettySquareGal]

If a wedding is "their day", then, why invite anyone at all?

That's how we did it! We eloped!

 

[mysterygal]

I went crosseyed partway through the thread, so maybe I missed it, but isn't the decision to have or not have children at the wedding and/or reception the bride and groom's?

Who cares what we all think.

Agree. But usually it is not written anywhere on the invitations whether children are allowed or not. Basically, this is just one of those common sense things. If you know you're kid is going to be fidgeting and making a fuss, just don't bring them!

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

I can remember misbehaving dreadfully at a wedding, kicking the pew in front with my cousin and repeatedly being told off.

I think I was being led astray though, I was a very well behaved child normally.

So I say no, no kids at weddings! lol

 

[Archie Goodwin]

Agree. But usually it is not written anywhere on the invitations whether children are allowed or not. Basically, this is just one of those common sense things. If you know you're kid is going to be fidgeting and making a fuss, just don't bring them!

I brought my son to one wedding. I didn't know he was going to be fidgety when I took him, so I spent most of the evening in a hallway outside of the reception. My wife was kind enough to bring me a few glasses of wine, and a couple of snacks. It was a good deal for me, because I didn't know any of the people involved (wife's friends). I think that I will bring my children with me every time my wife takes me with her to any weddings. If my children cooperate, I will end up in the hallway outside the reception every time. The company is better, and I don't have to listen to drunks give bad toasts.

As a side note, I too am a drunk, but I give good toasts.

 

[mysterygal]

Archie; lol Well, I guess if it works for you! I usually have to go to these things alone so all the responsibility is on ME! Besides, I like to be part of the whole action!
drunks; I get such a crack out of them. Especially on the dance floor!

 

[BegintheBeguine]

Not invited? Don't bring 'em. Invited? You decide.

As my church wedding seems like yesterday I recall the wording of the invitations so as not to cause any confusion. I looked at several wedding books and theknot.com Only the people who are invited to the wedding have their names on the envelopes. And yes I did commit the shocking faux pas of "and guest" for my 5 single guy and gal friends, why the heck not? I like a little romance at a wedding and had plenty of room at the restaurant.(No one brought a date anyway.) And in one case I added "and family", because I wasn't sure if any adult children were still around. No one brought anyone who wasn't invited but I tell you I was sore afraid Derwood's cousins wouldn't know about the names on the envelope etiquette and would bring their b- I mean children, but all for nought, they didn't show up. Or RSVP. Whew. Heck, my female friends at work asked me if they had to bring their hubbies! lol I invited my one friend's children but she opted not to bring them.

 

[hotrod_elf]

I would say it all depends on the Bride and Groom. I have an 8 yr old girl who is relativly well behaved. My cousin is getting married soon and she added my daughter to the wedding party to keep my niece (5) in order who is the flower girl. I wish I could of said no but my sister would of killed me. My niece looks up to my daughter and follows her leed. If my daughter was not there my niece would be the most diffant little girl you ever saw.(Battle of the wills always is her rule.) My daughter will be bored out of her mind "because there is nothing to do". So I have to pack a bag for her to keep occupied, so that there is no ruddiness.

 

[Elaina]

For me it depends on the friend. I don't like kids, and my best friend refuses to have any or anything to do with them (she does remember my son at his birthday and Christmas). I think he's met her twice in 8 years. I would never dream of taking him to anyplace she's hosting. I have another friend that dotes on kids, and to leave him behind would be mean to her and him.

I may think weddings are a family celebration, but not everyone does. And truth be told, if I had to deal with all 33 nieces, nephews and great-whatever they ares (not to mention teenaged/child in laws and siblings) I probably would be adults only.

 

[koopkooper]

Children should never be excluded unless it is bar/gambling type situation.
Children are our future and should always be included.

People who don't have children don't understand hwo difficult it is for parents to not bring them, generally if they don't bring them then they can't attend the event. Parents very often miss out on many events because of the difficulty in managing the whole shebang with regards to sleeping arrangement, late nights or the general safety aspect, why deny them weddings.

Sure many parents let them go wild and that is wrong, but why deny people the pleasure of bringing children simply because some people are not responsible or considerate.

This initial posting is part of the problem. We are starting to live in a world again where children should be seen and not heard, or more correctly not seen and not heard.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

We are starting to live in a world again where children should be seen and not heard, or more correctly not seen and not heard.

I haven't witnessed this. In fact, when I am in antique stores, any store, I usually see unsupervised children nearly breaking things or causing some kind of ruckus. Of course not all children are like this, but I think a return to more of a children should be seen and not heard mentality, even if just a little, can't be a bad thing.

 

[Archie Goodwin]

Children should never be excluded unless it is bar/gambling type situation.

I take my son most everywhere I go, and that includes my favorite bar. Whether or not we stay is determined by his behavior. My father did the same with me. I realize that in some areas of the country this would be child abuse, but around here there are definitely bars that qualify as family friendly.

 

[koopkooper]

Prettysquare girl....it is not the childs fault, it is the parent that does not teach them properly or supervise them. I blame the baby boomer generation for their anything goes policy which sadly has changed parenting forever.

 

[PrettySquareGal]

Prettysquare girl....it is not the childs fault, it is the parent that does not teach them properly or supervise them. I blame the baby boomer generation for their anything goes policy which sadly has changed parenting forever.

I am blaming the parents, too, and suggesting that I wish parents would err on the side "seen and not heard" as opposed to letting them run wild.

 

[koopkooper]

Well that is different, sorry I did not understand you.

 

[Flying Scotsman]

Children should never be excluded unless it is bar/gambling type situation.
Children are our future and should always be included.

People who don't have children don't understand hwo difficult it is for parents to not bring them, generally if they don't bring them then they can't attend the event. Parents very often miss out on many events because of the difficulty in managing the whole shebang with regards to sleeping arrangement, late nights or the general safety aspect, why deny them weddings.

Sure many parents let them go wild and that is wrong, but why deny people the pleasure of bringing children simply because some people are not responsible or considerate.

This initial posting is part of the problem. We are starting to live in a world again where children should be seen and not heard, or more correctly not seen and not heard.

The more I read this, the more interesting it is...so you're saying that the parents can't afford a babysitter for a night? Hmmmm...I think perhaps I'd have thought about things like that before having kids. As I see it, the decision to have kids may, heaven forbid, actually mean that you have to curtail some of YOUR lifestyle for various reasons. That may mean you can't drag them to bars or cocktail parties, or you have to skip a vacation or two if you can't afford it, whatever it may be. But your choice to have them does not mean that they are automatically welcomed by everyone else at every conceivable venue.

I've had people sitting behind me at the opera, for heaven's sake, with very young children. Guess how well THAT went over?

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

My apologies...I didn't mean you, personally. I only meant that there can be a certain "what's wrong with you that you don't like kids" attitude from the Baby Borg generation. Trust me, I've received enough of it...

But I didn't mean to insult you, my apologies if that came out wrong.

No problem, you did not insult me.
From the very first wedding I attended when I was three, to the last one I attended several years ago, the question of kids being in attendance or not was just never an issue. Kids of all ages were present at every wedding I ever went to and it was never a problem for anyone. In fact they add fun to the festivities.
Kids will be kids and sometimes they "misbehave", but of course they really mean absolutely no harm, The younger ones especially usually don't even know they are misbehaving until the parents tell them, as was the case with me and my whistling.
If a couple does not want kids at their wedding/reception, they should of course specify this on the invitations,... and I will then decline to attend! lol

 

[Feraud]

Children should behave like little grown ups when attending weddings.
Wear the suit you have not worn since the last wedding, get drunk, and hit on a relative.
Maybe children should not be allowed...

 

[Lady Day]

The more I read this, the more interesting it is...so you're saying that the parents can't afford a babysitter for a night? Hmmmm...I think perhaps I'd have thought about things like that before having kids. As I see it, the decision to have kids may, heaven forbid, actually mean that you have to curtail some of YOUR lifestyle for various reasons. That may mean you can't drag them to bars or cocktail parties, or you have to skip a vacation or two if you can't afford it, whatever it may be. But your choice to have them does not mean that they are automatically welcomed by everyone else at every conceivable venue.

I've had people sitting behind me at the opera, for heaven's sake, with very young children. Guess how well THAT went over?

This is a thread about children at weddings, not about your ability to have or care for them. Lets stay on topic.

LD

 

[scotrace]

Children should be included or excluded as the celebrants wish. Whether or not one annoyingly expresses a dislike or low tolerance for children at a wedding is a reflection of the guest's poor breeding and behavior, not the children. If one likes the couple and families being joined, by all means attend and celebrate with them - and keep your own preferences regarding children to yourself. If you know children will be in attendance and can't abide the thought, stay home. The same applies to any part of the wedding celebration that one may find offensive. If you're invited to one at which you know a goat will be sacrificed, and the sacrificing of goats offends you, stay home. To attend and whine about the poor goat is in poor taste. On such a day, smiles and graciousness are paramount.

And let me reiterate Lady Day's remarks. Keep it on topic, and away from the personal remarks. Many of us are parents who do our best to raise well-behaved adults.

 

[Mike in Seattle]

Children should be included or excluded as the celebrants wish. Whether or not one annoyingly expresses a dislike or low tolerance for children at a wedding is a reflection of the guest's poor breeding and behavior, not the children. If one likes the couple and families being joined, by all means attend and celebrate with them - and keep your own preferences regarding children to yourself. If you know children will be in attendance and can't abide the thought, stay home. The same applies to any part of the wedding celebration that one may find offensive. If you're invited to one at which you know a goat will be sacrificed, and the sacrificing of goats offends you, stay home. To attend and whine about the poor goat is in poor taste. On such a day, smiles and graciousness are paramount.

Exactly - it's the host's call, not the attendees. And if you bring kids, you've got the duty to make sure they behave properly - don't let them run wild and expect others to ride herd over them. It's not like we're passing some sort of law or regulation that will ban or allow all children at all events from this day forward. But I've got friends & relatives that'll get invitations to adult-only events & parties and still drag the kids along. "Mom wanted to babysit for us, but we brought little Johnny anyway. Everyone just loves seeing little Johnny..." Wanna bet?