Attention Texans, don't spank your kids

[Justin B]

To me I don't have an issue with spanking as a punishment. I think it's more an issue with HOW it's used. I was spanked as a child and can speak of both ends of the spectrum.

My Father used a spanking only as a last resort, and it didn't happen often. I was first sent to my room to sit and think about what I had done. Then my Father came and spoke to me and gave me a chance to discuss the issue and the chance to apologize. If I was still unapologetic (I was a hard headed kid), only then was I given licks.

My Mother on the other hand used spankings to releave her own anger on me. Hardly a day went by I didn't get smacked at least once. That only lasted until I was big enough to tell her I wasn't going to tolerate her laying a hand on me in anger. I don't mind taking a punishment if I deserved it, but a lot of times I didn't.

I think any punishment, if used in the wrong manner can be cruel even if you never lay a hand on the child. But if used as a teaching instrument rather than a tool of wrath any punishment can be beneficial.

 

[AtomicEraTom]

I don't see giving a kid a spanking as a bad thing. If it leaves a mark, it is, of course. However, I got a spanking as a kid if I did something wrong and my mother to this day says how proud she was because wherever we would go, people would always tell her what well-behaved children she had. If we were out of line, we were punished and mom always said "If you're gonna misbehave, at least do it at home, you will be in much more trouble if you do it in public."

 

[scottyrocks]

I think any punishment, if used in the wrong manner can be cruel even if you never lay a hand on the child.

And this is the reason for the current situation today with all the restrictions and bad feelings about spankings, now lumped into a category called corporal punishment. Like almost everything else, there is a right way and many wrong ways to administer physical punishment. Unfortunately, the right way requires too much work for too many people.

 

[HodgePodge]

Seriously, positive reinforcement works a lot better than negative

Off topic, but.... "Negative reinforcement" isn't a form of punishment. Where "positive reinforcement" rewards a behaviour with something pleasant, "negative reinforcement" rewards the behaviour by removing something UNpleasant. "Negative reinforcement" would be something along the lines of "if you get an A on your next test, taking out the trash won't be part of your chores next week."

Spanking is "positive punishment". "Negative punishment" would be something like grounding.

On topic, I guess I'm in the "spankings, but not 'cause you're angry or don't know how else to deal with them" camp as well.

 

[Bluebird Marsha]

I'm solidly in the spanking category. Not as the first line of punishment, but not as the last line either. As the appropriate punishment. If I had kids, they wouldn't necessarily get spanked for being "sassy" with me. Sass my mom? (their grandmother)- fist of God time. But with love I understand the "don't spank because you're angry" theme. But I have trouble understanding the "don't spank when you're angry" stance. If the behavior was deserving of a spanking, then I can pretty much bet that I'd usually be furious. It better be controlled anger though. But then I have this horrible opinion that civilized people should be able to control their emotions.

Can you reason with a four year old? When my niece ran out in the road, (after being told not to do it again), I thought that a spanking was a necessity. I wasn't angry- but I wanted her to be afraid to do it. After the tears I went and found a roadkill cat. It made a great visual aid for what could happen to her. Most of the family thought it was appropriate.

 

[Tatum]

Can you reason with a four year old? When my niece ran out in the road, (after being told not to do it again), I thought that a spanking was a necessity. I wasn't angry- but I wanted her to be afraid to do it. After the tears I went and found a roadkill cat. It made a great visual aid for what could happen to her. Most of the family thought it was appropriate.

Stunning! Only most of the family thought that was appropriate? I think that is absolutely brilliant. Hubby takes his glass eye out to show the dangers of fireworks, and it definitely makes our nieces and nephews more cautious when they think about Uncle Tatum's gross eye socket

I sort of responded to this topic in the General Decline thread, but for the sake of repeating myself, I am all for spankings when appropriate. Spankings to alleviate a parent's anger are absolutely, 100% unforgivable. I had fear of being whupped. That was usually enough to make me behave. Mom only spanked me when I totally deserved it. The quickest way to my head as a child was through my butt. Actions have consequences.

 

[Bluebird Marsha]

I have a step-aunt who was doubly appalled. But in our family, her opinion doesn't count for much. My sister is actually one of those mothers that usually need to be kicked through the goal posts of life. Either too strict, or too lenient, whichever suits her mood. The punishment was a small attempt to be a positive influence on her, as well as influencing the child. Trying to influence them is how I justify taking up space on the planet. She actually thought it was a good idea. Even now she'll ask for my input. We talk on the phone while I have a glass or two of wine. A must-have when I speak to my sister.

It is a biological fact that the brain only migrates out of the butt and into the head after the age of 10!

 

[KY Gentleman]

When my daughter was very young, we worked out a ritualized pattern that was only used once to completion. Basically, there were a series of steps that were taken after talking was ineffective. It only took as many tries as there are steps listed for any displinary action to only require step one.

1. Stern look
2. Verbal warning
3. The 'approach'
4. Take child's wrist in hand
5. Raise arm above head
6. Potchka on tushas

Eventually, all that was needed was the stern look. Also, remember that any of this was used only when reasonableness from the child was out the window.

My dad used fewer steps before the smack on the rear end, but it wasn't long before the stern look alone was enough to bring about the desired behavior!

 

[AtomicEraTom]

Ugh, the look from either of my parents puts my tail between my legs to this day.

 

[Chas]

Human nature being what it is, and not what we wish it to be will dictate that there will always be a significant number of louts who take corporal punishment too far. Add to that the number of alcoholic and drug-addicted parents who when punishing their kids lose their composure and will often end up seriously injuring or killing their kids and you have sufficient grounds for banning it altogether.

Not that I am against it, as my parents used it judiciously and effectively with most of us (my siblings and me). Dad did lose his cool with my eldest brother, and my mum intervened and curbed my dad's excesses in that area of parenting.

You gotta be careful with CP. I have friends that don't use it, and their kids are pretty decent sorts.

So I answer the question "do you support CP?" with "it depends upon the parents".