Are you a Military wife?

[Sweet Polly Purebred]

I was just curious if any of you were wives of Military men who are currently on active duty or have been in the past?

I've been married for just over a year and in that time I've spent a total of maybe 10 weeks with my husband who's in the Navy stationed in Bahrain. I've occasionally thought about trying to connect with other women (and men) who are in the same situation, but always felt a bit shy about it.

Luckily my husband is in a less politically 'hot' spot and we can speak on a fairly regular basis, weekly most of the time, but the distance can be really wearing sometimes. My husband and I have a "date night" every Friday night where we both get the same movie, plug in our headsets, order pizzas and watch together via Skype. It's a lot of fun, in fact this Friday's movie is a double feature of "Cry Baby" and "Rebel Without A Cause" and it's something we both look forward to.

I'm just curious about your experiences .. if any ..

 

[berrybuzz]

Hello, not a military wife, but I was an Army brat Over the years I've had several friends who are military wives.

I just wanted to say hello. I can sympathize with what you are going through. Navy seems to be the roughest out there for the families, because unless they have a base job, they spend so much time out on ship. Though with this war, everyone has it pretty rough.

I remember when my Dad was stationed in Korea (this was back in the mid-80s), Mom and I would send him cassette tapes that we recorded. We'd talk to him about our lives and what's going on. Mom even kept him up to date on some tv shows. We'd send a blank tape with it and he'd record a message and send it back. Phone calls to Korea were way to expensive back then for us. Plus taking the time to record a message and mail it takes more effort. More care. I remember those tape conversations much more clearly than the phone calls when he ended up in Honduras.

It's so nice that you two can share movies like that. It's awesome. How much longer does he have this stint?

 

[Kim_B]

I'm not a military wife, but wanted to say thank you to you and the other military spouses for the sacrifices you and your families make. We have a lot to be thankful for when it comes to these brave men and women who feel it is their duty to protect and fight for our freedom, regardless of the conditions.

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

Not a military wife either, not a wife at all, yet.... But just wanted to say thanks to Thora and all other military wives, as well as a thanks to their husbands. They work so we can be free...
Don't forget Any Soldier you can send care packages to our troops in all different areas. You can designate things for men and things for women. I try to send packages about once every 3 months, would like to do it more. Come on ladies, anything you send can help

 

[BegintheBeguine]

I am a military wife and we instant message every day even if we have to leave an offline message, we used to text message but he's now off of the cellular telephone plan, webcam, computer telephoned once, he calls on the pay telephone rarely as the calling cards my dad gave him are useless and he has to buy a special calling card plus the reception is horrendous. Once we read the same book that he picked out, my idea from the handbook, but he lost interest in that endeavor to do it again as he would rather goof off on the Internet. We've been married almost 3 years and he has been in the Army for almost 2. Our marriage has gone through some terrible things from the very start but we are trying and I set aside at least an hour a day but usually 2 or 3 to spend online with him. We don't exchange letters because he wants instant gratification but I have sent him a few packages.
Sounds like the movie night is a blast. PM me if you'd like.
Ashley

 

[Martinis at 8]

My wife was an Army-wife.

Then I got out of the Army. Hooray!

M8

 

[Nashoba]

Marine Wife here. My husband has been in the Marine Corps 12 1/2 years and I've been with him for 10 of that 12. We've been married for 5. He is currently deployed to Iraq. He calls home maybe once a week or so, so I don't get to talk to him all that much. He doesn't email me a whole lot except for official business (I'm the Coordinator for the Family Readiness Program, the Key Volunteer Network) so I don't really get to hear from him all that often. I do write to him every day though. We have a program through the Marine Corps called MotoMail. I type the letter online and they send it through the server to Kuwait where it's printed sealed and dispatched through the regular mail system to him in Iraq. It takes a lot less time than sending a letter (24-48 hours as opposed to a week or longer) and I send him a care package every week. So I understand completely . We don't get to instant message a whole lot because the internet center is a bit of a trek from their hanger and he's the senior enlisted in charge so he's got a lot on his plate. I think there are a few of us military spouses here so you're in good company. If you ever want / need to chat just let me know. I'm not sure if you know about it or not but there's a really fabulous all around resource called Military One Source. I use them a lot and they are really good. They can handle everything from simple questions to complex issues. You can ask them anything and they'll research it for you. I just asked them for info about buying a paintball gun and about going back to get my certifications and licensing requirements for trama / grief and family / marital counseling. They're really great and they offer everything from couseling to life enrichment and education materials. Just PM me if you want more info or want to chat.
Nash

 

[Sweet Polly Purebred]

Wow! What wonderful responses! It's a really nice feeling to know that there are others of you here .. as I said in the initial post, I don't really seek out other people in the same situation. Since I've lived in Ireland I've found that the US Military is somewhat 'misunderstood' and don't find it coming into everyday conversation very often.

I'm extremely grateful that my husband is not in a War Zone, in fact, compared to all of the places in the MidEast he could be, Bahrain seems like Disneyland, heh. .. and honestly, I feel guilty feeling lonely when I know that there are SO many other spouses and families who's significant other is in a combat or peace keeping environment and communication is limited. I don't know how you do it (Ashley and Nash), I go crazy if an entire week goes by without a word from him. The newlywed in me gets a bit overdramatic and I have an over active imagination so I have to be careful to stay on the positive side, especially when he and I talk.

On the lighter side .. I love shopping for him! I sent him some absolutely gorgeous vintage Havana/Guayabera shirts a few weeks ago. I'm always on the lookout for those because it's so hot over there and they aren't allowed to wear printed TShirts when off duty. I'm still trying to get him to go shopping for me. I love ethnic vintage and when he was moved to Bahrain from Sicily I made a massive list of things to hunt down .. sadly he hates shopping .. boo.

What kinds of care packages do you send? What kind of goodies to you receive? Are your honeys as enamoured with the vintage as you are?

 

[Sweet Polly Purebred]

Navy seems to be the roughest out there for the families, because unless they have a base job, they spend so much time out on ship. Though with this war, everyone has it pretty rough.

I remember when my Dad was stationed in Korea (this was back in the mid-80s), Mom and I would send him cassette tapes that we recorded. We'd talk to him about our lives and what's going on. Mom even kept him up to date on some TV shows. We'd send a blank tape with it and he'd record a message and send it back. Phone calls to Korea were way to expensive back then for us. Plus taking the time to record a message and mail it takes more effort. More care. I remember those tape conversations much more clearly than the phone calls when he ended up in Honduras.

It's so nice that you two can share movies like that. It's awesome. How much longer does he have this stint?

I love the tapes idea! I wish I wasn't so lazy and tech dependent! Some of my best memories are actually stored on tapes that my dad made of my sis and I when were kids .. great bits of nostalgia to hand down! Do you still have any of those?

He's fought tooth and nail not to go to sea which is why he's in Bahrain right now. I guess it's considered sea duty even though he works on base. Imagine, a water phobic sailor. :eusa_doh: heheh .. His stint is up November '08, so just a year and a half to go. It's obviously something I look forward to with all of my heart, but a part of me is scared because we've never lived together in the formal sense .. the idea of having been married nearly 3 years and moving into together for the first time seems so .. daunting! The movie night is really a lot of fun and for those of you with spouses away I can't recommend it enough. I know it's not easy to get the time to be online together like that, but if you can swing it, do .. It takes so much pressure off to just 'be' together without all of the deep conversation that is inevitable after a week or more of not talking .. it just keeps it light and fun and I think reminds us that though we're apart, the world of "Us" is still thriving. (Wow, that was deep .. made me dizzy )

 

[BegintheBeguine]

In Baghdad the natives sell things cheap to the GIs and hubby gets the latest movies still in theatres for about $2 on DVD. (Obviously bootlegs but hubby does what he wants.) He gets sets of TV shows for about $7 and also bought a laptop from Circuit City online: free shipping and no sales tax! So he stays very entertained when he isn't chatting online to me or other people. He can't get his favorite deordorant, of all things, so I send him a good supply. Also chocolate and photos and his favorite Little Debbie treats. The shipping costs more than the contents of the package and then there are the customs form to fill out because the package is large. I collect books for him and the other guys to read that I know they will like from the library I work at. These he will take with him when he comes home on leave as he didn't want me to send them for some reason even though media mail is cheap. He isn't interested in vintage at all but there are plenty of the clothes he likes to wear for sale at the Thrift Store so I get my shopping fix anyway!

 

[Kitty_Sheridan]

You gals all have my sympathy and my respect!
My mum was in the WRAF and my dad was RAF and they spent so much time apart.
He was in Aden and Malaya and then with the Foreign office in Oman and Bahrain.

I used to get lovely taped messages from him and record ones for him too. I can't tell you how much they mean since he passed away in 1998. Means so much to still hear his voice.

Keep smiling girls, I really like the lyrics to songs like 'Somewhere in France with you' and 'Tomorrow is a lovely day' from WW2. The lyrics are pretty timeless.
Kate
x

 

[Sweet Polly Purebred]

Well, it seems I may have jinxxed my husband by calling him a water phobic sailor .. :eusa_doh: .. On our 'date' last night he told me that his new orders may have him on a ship for his final year. I guess we'll find out for sure in the next few weeks.

Nash, thanks for the tip on Military One Source, I had no idea it was there. Devon and I got married after he'd been in the Navy 3 years and I was already moved to Ireland so it never occured to me that I was eligible for any of the support networks for spouses. Since I've gone back to school full time the education links look promising ..

 

[BegintheBeguine]

Oh, let's hope they change their minds about his orders!
Here is the telephone number for Military OneSource 1-800-342-9647. It is 24 hour, every day. They gave me the handbook I referred to, called Maintaining a Strong Relationship Through Deployments and Separations. I got some information on education benefits for spouses from Military.com, you may want to register there and they send you email about any latest news of interest to us. AND I got a discount on my existing cellular telephone account just by asking through them, the section is discounts. Tons of information and the sites are linked.

 

[berrybuzz]

I love the tapes idea! I wish I wasn't so lazy and tech dependent! Some of my best memories are actually stored on tapes that my dad made of my sis and I when were kids .. great bits of nostalgia to hand down! Do you still have any of those?

His stint is up November '08, so just a year and a half to go. It's obviously something I look forward to with all of my heart, but a part of me is scared because we've never lived together in the formal sense .. the idea of having been married nearly 3 years and moving into together for the first time seems so .. daunting!

I do have a few...Not too many, but I cherish them. my Mom has since passed on and it's one of the few ways I get to hear her voice still. I have 2 or 3 of the ones Mom and I sent and 1 of Dad's that he sent back.

Good Luck for when he comes back. I do hope it works out. I can't imagine what it must be like for you. I lived with my hubby for 4 years before I married him. So yeh, best wishes on that!

 

[Foofoogal]

I have the utmost admiration for the sacrifices all of you are doing to keep us safe when we lay our heads down at night.
I currently have a nephew in Iraq and 2 that have served 2 times over there but now are home and 1 that just came home.
Praying for safety for all and the movie night made me cry it was so sweet. From someone married 32 years let me say things change always. This time next year you all may have your honeys home.

 

[Nashoba]

In Baghdad the natives sell things cheap to the GIs and hubby gets the latest movies still in theatres for about $2 on DVD. (Obviously bootlegs but hubby does what he wants.) Also chocolate and photos and his favorite Little Debbie treats. The shipping costs more than the contents of the package and then there are the customs form to fill out because the package is large.

My husband's first tour he came home with a bunch of thsoe movies too. Some of them are better than others, the ones that are from actual DVD's are better than the ones from the 'theater'. Although it can be amusing to watch someone stand up in the middle of the picture...or a cell phone ring...lol. I've found that the new flat rate boxes from the Post Office are really nice. The most I've been able to cram in there is 16lbs worth of stuff and sent for $8.10. I send him pretty much anything and everything. My husband distributes most of what I sent to him out to his junior Marines so I send individual snack packs and microwave popcorn, those individual bottle drink mixes they really like. Oh! and those new warm delights dessert things, they love those. I can't really send chocolate anymore since the weather is warming up over there which makes him sad, he loves chocolate. I also bake mass quantities of cookies. It's one of the things that his Marines have gotten used to me both here at home and over there and they kind of know me for it . I bring a tupperware of goodies whenever I go down to the unit and I send them out there as often as I can. If you stack them into a roll double wrap them in plastic then aluminum foil then put the whole thing in a ziploc they get there pretty much as fresh as they were when you baked them.
But yeah, the customs forms can be a pain. I've learned just how little I can get away with filling out.

 

[Nashoba]

.

Nash, thanks for the tip on Military One Source, I had no idea it was there. Devon and I got married after he'd been in the Navy 3 years and I was already moved to Ireland so it never occured to me that I was eligible for any of the support networks for spouses. Since I've gone back to school full time the education links look promising ..

Not a problem. Like beginthebeguine said they're really great. Thanks for posting the number, I didn't realize that I had just put the website. They're the first resource that I give to our families in my pre-deployment briefings and we use them constantly. If you call or email a consultant and tell them exactly what you're looking for. Also the number that she gave you is Stateside number. from overseas the number is (applicable access code: for Ireland it's 00)800-3429-6477 or collect 484-530-5908 You should also have a family support services group or a family readiness center on your base they should have a ton of resources too.

 

[Nashoba]

I have the utmost admiration for the sacrifices all of you are doing to keep us safe when we lay our heads down at night.
I currently have a nephew in Iraq and 2 that have served 2 times over there but now are home and 1 that just came home.
Praying for safety for all and the movie night made me cry it was so sweet. From someone married 32 years let me say things change always. This time next year you all may have your honeys home.

Thank you

 

[Sweet Polly Purebred]

How funny! I'm baking cookies right now actually and was trying to figure out how to get them there in better shape than the last batch .. heheh, funny coincidence, thank you for the tips!

I think my husband's bought a few watches .. not so much 'cuz he needs them, but because he's a sucker for a kids pouting "please buy my stuff" face .. I'm trying to encourage him to go to the Souk for fabrics but he's not responding well to my nudges, although he did send me a beautiful Pashmina shawl from the late 50's. I send him coffee and socks mostly, he seems to be able to get everything else he needs on base, in fact he has to send me my favourite toothpaste because they don't sell it here in Ireland.

Though it's difficult to be apart from each other, I've never felt like I was making a sacrifice at all. I always consider the wives and children of men and women in war zones to be making that sacrifice, so I say thank you but I earnestly feel that in my case I'm just a regular gal with a husband who's far away.

So I need to add my thanks to those of you with husbands, brothers, sisters, fathers in the heat of it all, and say thank you for allowing me to connect with you on this issue, it's the first time I've been able to talk about any of it.

 

[C-dot]

Bump!

Military wives and girlfriends, step forward!

I'm engaged to a soldier in the Canadian Forces, and I know there are a few other girls around here who have soldiers of their own, like Emer and *martini*time*. There may even be a few Army girls here!

Good support groups are hard to find these days - they were utterly nonexistent in the Golden Era, especially for returning soldiers. So lets have a discussion - deployments, engagements, and some "what did they do back then?"'s.