Are good manners now vintage?

[Panache]

Over the last month I have been giving thought to how often I see people out and about completely lost in their in own little worlds. In the park walking, on the roads driving, in the stores shopping, and everywhere they go they seem completely unconcerned and disconnected from all the other people.

People used to tip their hats and make eye contact with each other.

People smiled at each other and knew how to say "excuse me" and "I beg your pardon".

There once was this whole system that you followed to interact with other human beings.

It was called good manners

I'm not saying that manners are dead and gone, but it seems that a lot of people don't think about them in the context of interacting with Society as whole anymore.

I wonder if that is a big part of the appeal of things Vintage. Maybe they remind of of another time when there were certain expectations of how people should behave?

Cheers

Jamie

 

[Paisley]

Respectfully, I don't think manners requires people to acknowledge random passers-by, especially in a city. As you say, it just isn't done. I don't make eye contact with men in particular because they see it as an invitation.

 

[LizzieMaine]

Depends a lot on where you live -- I live in a small town of 8000 people, and if you *don't* smile and acknowledge people on the street, you get a reputation for being stuck up. You can always tell the out-of-staters from the way they seem to go out of their way to avoid making eye contact with the locals -- force of habit, likely.

 

[Feraud]

I don't imagine commuting and working in NYC in any era was a more genteel time than now. Big, crowded, impersonal cities seem to form manners different from smaller ones.

Judging one era based on perceptions of another is rarely a good idea.

 

[Carlisle Blues]

I live in a small New England town of 5000. It is as natural for me to smile and say hello to a stranger now as it was where I grew up in New York City. I think it does not speak to an "era" as it does to the person.

Sounds like you are talking about basic courtesies and social skills. In my experience they are alive and well in my daily activities no matter where I live.

 

[Panache]

Respectfully, I don't think manners requires people to acknowledge random passers-by, especially in a city. As you say, it just isn't done. I don't make eye contact with men in particular because they see it as an invitation.

Paisley,

Let me give you some examples of what I mean.

Three ladies walking abreast along a park path blocking it. When I offered a polite "excuse me ladies" from behind on my bicycle (going slowly and not trying to zoom past them) I received nasty glares for interrupting their conversation and making one of them move aside instead of an "I beg your pardon", "I'm sorry", or even "oops".

The people that just stop their shopping carts in the store aisle way completely oblivious that they are` blocking the way for everyone else trying to get by.

The people that walk their dogs on those ridiculous long retractable leads and look annoyed at you when their dog runs up to your dog and a fight ensues that you have to do you best to restrain your dog and keep their animal at bay until they realize that there is a problem.

etc, etc...

What I am seeing a lack of manners based not on people deliberately wishing to be rude, but rather a monstrous indifference to anyone else about them. I think that this is exacerbated by the constant use of i phones, i pods, and such that encourage individuals to walk about in their own little self contained worlds to the exclusion of everything else.

This is isn't everybody (thank goodness), and it will not change how I behave, but it does seem to be a pretty prevalent trend.

Cheers

Jamie

 

[Valhson]

Sounds like you are talking about basic courtesies and social skills. In my experience they are alive and well in my daily activities no matter where I live.

Could not agree more.

I was lamenting the same things as the OP when I first moved North to DC. Then I figured I would just do as I was raised to do. It is amazing how well received one can be if they just start a conversation. People are always a little surprised at first when you speak but I have never had someone look at me as if I was the crazy man that wouldn't shut up. Just be mindful of the situation, open and ready to listening. People love to talk when given the chance.

I have been doing this for about 5 years now here in the capital area. I am amazed at the number of people that feel the same way about impersonal interactions on the metro etc and wonder where social civility went etc. I say, make it if you can't find it. People want interaction even on the slightest of levels.

 

[Miss Neecerie]

This is such a :deadhorse topic.


There are rude people now. There were rude people then.

There are polite people now. There were polite people then.

Attributing morals and behavior to an era....[huh]

 

[Carlisle Blues]

Let me give you some examples of what I mean.

Three ladies walking abreast along a park path blocking it. When I offered a polite "excuse me ladies" from behind on my bicycle (going slowly and not trying to zoom past them) I received nasty glares for interrupting their conversation and making one of them move aside instead of an "I beg your pardon", "I'm sorry", or even "oops".

The people that just stop their shopping carts in the store aisle way completely oblivious that they are` blocking the way for everyone else trying to get by.

The people that walk their dogs on those ridiculous long retractable leads and look annoyed at you when their dog runs up to your dog and a fight ensues that you have to do you best to restrain your dog and keep their animal at bay until they realize that there is a problem.

etc, etc...

What I am seeing a lack of manners based not on people deliberately wishing to be rude, but rather a monstrous indifference to anyone else about them. I think that this is exacerbated by the constant use of i phones, i pods, and such that encourage individuals to walk about in their own little self contained worlds to the exclusion of everything else.

This is isn't everybody (thank goodness), and it will not change how I behave, but it does seem to be a pretty prevalent trend.

It appears that you have had some rough experiences with this. Based on your description I see other possibilities for the behavior you describe. All perfectly reasonable and within the realm of perfectly acceptable behavior.

I hope this little tune will help....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a45z_HG3WU

 

[Panache]

Carlisle Blues,

Thanks for the song Rest assured I still see that there are still a lot of very good people out there in the world.

I posted this not out of anger or frustration, but because I had been giving some thought to get down to the root of the problem. No one gets up in the morning wishing to be rude. However people can get so wrapped up in themselves that they simply forget that they are sharing their world with others. Devices that encourage this make the problem worse. This all I wanted to share really.

It is certainly a temptation to think that things were better in years past. Even if manners might have better, the trade off isn't all that great. Is tipping a hat worth sexism? Racism?
Smallpox?

Probably not.

I'll do as I have done and be a proponent of good manners and walk proudly with a pleasant demeanor as I sally forth out into the world. I'll teach my children to do the same.

But sometimes, just sometimes I do wonder how nice the world would be if everyone else took that little bit of extra time and effort to be polite.

Cheers

Jamie

 

[Foofoogal]

There are rude people now. There were rude people then.

There are polite people now. There were polite people then.

Attributing morals and behavior to an era....

I don't believe this at all. Being rude in earlier times would of got you run you out on a rail.

Definitely a larger city thing and has to do with safety issues.

In certain small towns I visit it takes 10 minutes to get in the door as it is a series of who is going to open the door for who. If you have several doors it can take awhile. lol
Thank God manners are still alive and well some places.
I am pretty sure the recent reality shows and online places like Twitter and Facebook have risen up to fill that huge lack of social friendliness alive and well some places.
I saw a documentary on them the other day. Very interesting. Cheaper to make reality shows but people so desire to be validated.
I get great satisfaction out of smiling or saying a few words to someone and having them do the same back to me.
In smaller towns neighbors watch neighbors and have police on speed dial. lol

 

[Apple Annie]

I think it is something about being in a big city. When I go to London, it's a massive faux pas to make eye contact with people on the Tube. But if I get the train round where I live I end up having all sorts of conversations with people.

I tend to go around smiling like a nutcase, and plenty of people smile back. Those that don't might just be having a bad day. But something about making that first eye contact makes people much more polite, and (though this isn't the reason I smile at people) more eager to help.

 

[Miss Golightly]

One thing that irritates me is when I hold the door for someone - be it a man or a woman - and they say NOTHING. :rage: So incredibly rude!

I do however recall holding the door for a young man at a busy department store who looked at me and said so sincerely "Thank you - so kind!" and I thought it was lovely - and sincere - such a rare occurance in this day and age.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

This is such a :deadhorse topic.


There are rude people now. There were rude people then.

There are polite people now. There were polite people then.

Attributing morals and behavior to an era....[huh]

I'm baaaaack!

How's this for manners in the Golden Era, my grandmother hit the camera away from my grandfather when he was trying to take an 8mm movie of her. She actullay HITS him and the camera and storms off. This was 1941. Same year, same set of 8mm films -- an aunt flips the camera off! lol

And I don't think the crowded subway scenes in silent movies were too far of an exaggeration of how it really was in the day (Manhandled and Speedy are two examples!)

Of course, not all was bad back then. Miss Neecerie says it best.

 

[Amy Jeanne]

One thing that irritates me is when I hold the door for someone - be it a man or a woman - and they say NOTHING. :rage: So incredibly rude!

Not bashing my friends across the pond because my husband is from England and I'm a seething Anglophile, but when I visit the UK and Ireland I notice NO ONE says "Thank you" when I hold the door open for them. NO ONE. Even here in Philadelphia you'll get a "Thank you" 99.9% of the time.

 

[1930_Italian]

One thing that irritates me is when I hold the door for someone - be it a man or a woman - and they say NOTHING. :rage: So incredibly rude!

I do however recall holding the door for a young man at a busy department store who looked at me and said so sincerely "Thank you - so kind!" and I thought it was lovely - and sincere - such a rare occurance in this day and age.

It is equally as irritating when I open the door for a woman, and she snaps at me "I can get the door myself" - maybe it has something to do with the majority of my age group (20 - 30) don’t understand what being respectful means. :rage:

 

[Miss Golightly]

Not bashing my friends across the pond because my husband is from England and I'm a seething Anglophile, but when I visit the UK and Ireland I notice NO ONE says "Thank you" when I hold the door open for them. NO ONE. Even here in Philadelphia you'll get a "Thank you" 99.9% of the time.

I have to agree with you there - it's really quite a sorry state of affairs....

 

[ScarlettTurner]

I agree with the OP. I think more people these days believe "the squeaky wheel gets the grease," and rather than be cordial, they feel "standing up for their rights" is the more urgent matter (as in the example of the blocked shopping aisle, and so on).

There is a lot of vulgarity these days that is unappealling.

 

[reetpleat]

This is such a :deadhorse topic.


There are rude people now. There were rude people then.

There are polite people now. There were polite people then.

Attributing morals and behavior to an era....[huh]

True. And we no longer wear white wigs either. People may not practice the same etiquette rituals, but who cares. I couldn't care less weather someone tipped their hat to me. but if i say hello, it is nice to get a hello back. And if I am in traffic, it is nice when people let you go.

 

[23SkidooWithYou]

Just thinking out loud...

I feel there was a set of rules that polite society minded and dared not deviate from even if the gestures were insincere (Oh Betty how lovely to see you and isn't little Felecia blossoming into a beauty. ). It's how you got along, it was a form of social acceptance. If you didn't mind your please and thank you's, if you were rude by act or omission, it reflected on you, your parents and your upbringing, your spouse, might have even trickled down to how people viewed your children.

If you were lacking in all the external indicators of success (material goods), sometimes manners, that show of respect for those around you, could change how people viewed you. Think no money, no clothes, no car, no nuthin...add in good manners and suddenly you weren't some rough edge bum from the low rent district of whom no good would come, but a "such a nice young man/lady" who was going to make something of themselves one day.

Determining how the display of manners has changed is a global answer. You're looking at increase in crime rates that make it unsafe to acknowledge others, increase in transportation which means you aren't living/working in one little microcosim where you know or know of everyone, changes in women's roles that empower us to carry our own packages, open our own doors and stand on the subway if there are no more seats, a change in mentality from "what will people think" to "I refused to be judged by what others think" and, sadly, a shift in culture where we are prone to confuse disposable income with social graces.

I think people are, for the most part, polite and well mannered. They just don't observe the rules as hard or fast as they used to and some might not even know the old rules. In my mind, they won't hold the elevator door...but they will call 911 if it crushes you. I still greet people with a smile, or acknowledge when someone nods to me. I hold doors, give up seats, allow people with one item to go ahead of me at a check out. It's not that I'm altruistic by any means...just that I find the polite thing more self-serving in terms of personal satisfaction than steam rolling through life with blinders on.

As for Flexi Dog Leads...hate them! Very few people I meet know how to use them but I think it has more to do with lack of common sense than poor manners.