Antisocial.....is this normal?

[Foofoogal]

When my children were little I met and socialized tons. All involved in name it activities. Scouts, baseball, dance, school meetings, church meetings. This is good and then sometimes bad when the kids fight and stuff. Dressing kids in the car from dance to baseball is not always fun. I remember one day saying to myself I was going to get off the treadmill. At one point it was like a hamster wheel. Keeping up with the Jones and thinking your kids have to do and be in everything is unhealthy really. I reduced the activities for us to enjoy each other more in down time and things got balanced. Well rounded kids sometimes just need to stare at clouds. fftopic: I know a bit off.
We have been empty nesters since 1999 and though we have less friends I do have faithful friends but also acquaintances. I would rather have one great friend than 50 fair weather ones I call them.
Times and seasons change.
I think it was Marie Shriver that once stated something along the lines of I want to do all well but not all at once.
Enjoy this time to maybe get to know yourself as someday you may be wanting this down alone time back. Believe me I don't even remember the 1980s I was so busy with kids stuff.

 

[pretty faythe]

I've always been a loner. Even at work, when I am a worker and not a foreman, I prefer working by myself, people just annoy me. Of course I think its just the people I work with lol I also have my phases where I wish I were with people more often and when I make an effort to try to be, the people I know and call are to busy, the lil pain in the necks, and they are usually the ones complaining that I am always sitting alone at lunch or what not.

 

[Pink Dahlia]

It's funny I think my jobs have been either/or.

1st - Break/lunch on own
2nd - Back office break/lunch
3rd - Lunch on own
4th - Half of office break/lunch

I tell you what I like breaking with other people better than alone so I'm lucky my current job is like that. I enjoy talking to people during the day.

 

[Lincsong]

You're not antisocial. You're very normal and have your sights and time set on other things than being the social butterfly hopping from petal to petal. Don't worry about it.

 

[MrNewportCustom]

My brother and his fiancee are social butterflies. They're also amusement park freaks! A few weeks ago they went to Disneyland IN THE RAIN! The strange thing about my brother is that he treats people like crap and they flock to him. I'm the kindly, helpful meek type who couldn't make a friend to save his life or that of another.

Don't get me wrong, I like people. (Well, I don't actually like people, I just tollerate them. ) I used to love talking on the phone and I still like talking in person. But it seems that I can't finish a sentence without someone else starting a new one before I've finished mine, anymore. Whatever happened to not interupting someone? [huh]

I like social get-togethers with groups of five or seven people (I'm usually the fifth or seventh). Larger groups are fine, but it depends on the situation. I hate bars, dance clubs and parties, so you won't catch me in those places. I refuse to yell over the din of a madding crowd or ear-bleed-inducing loudspeakers. *yucky*

I like quiet, so home is perfectly fine with me . . . mine or someone else's, but I prefer mine. In mine, I can be here with you folks or my family, or I can read or set up to photograph something or watch some television. I've always enjoyed being on my own, doing what I want to do. Other people tend to get in the way of me doing what I want to do. They're incredibly demanding!

I can form a complete sentence - even if not aloud, I'm reasonably sensible and up-to-date, I'm even-tempered and easy-going, and I don't demand much of others. (Why should I?) So, I don't think I'm abnormal at all. I mean, this is what's normal for me and, apparently, for many of my fellow Loungers as well. We're just members of society who prefer the company of fewer than the entire population of Hometown USA. I may prefer Meeville, but I do travel to other counties from time to time.


Lee

 

[LindyTap]

You may simply be an introverted person in a highly extroverted culture. Extroverts generally find being alone stressful and need to "recharge" by engaging in social activity. Introverts generally find social activity to be an exertion, and "recharge" by spending time alone (or with someone close to them, which is, in a sense, "being alone with someone else.")

It doesn't mean you're antisocial, it just means you're at odds with the prevailing culture.

I never understood the whole introvert/extrovert sterotypes. No one is completely one or the other. For example, for the most part I like to work and choreograph by myself, and be alone or with others that are close to me. However, I'm also a dancer and I love to perform and go to dances. I ask all sorts of people to dance and have a grand old time. So which would you say I am? Neither? Both? Don't worry about being and introvert or extrovert, just be yourself and try to be happy with that. As long as someone loves you, does it really matter if your not the most popular person on the planet?

 

[KY Gentleman]

Someone mentioned early in this thread the book "Bowling Alone". It was an interesting book about how people used to join bowling leagues, lodges and community groups because there were much fewer avenues for entertainment. Now everyone has a computer, DVD players, video game consoles, etc. so its much easier for people to become isolated.

 

[pgoat]

I remember the days without cell phones and it seemed a lot better and less like I was chained. I sometimes think technology has hurt society in areas.

I never had a problem blabbing on a landline at appropriate down times (weekends, etc) - but I LOATHE Cell phones. especially now that they do all this other stuff (camera, calculator, etc etc).

Yes they are convenient at times and they can certainly be a lifesaver in an emergency....but I am sure 90% of the time they are used for mindless blabbering.

In response to your OP, we definitely have less time now than we used to. We have no children - our friends who have kids have less time than we do. I am NOT happy about this and we plan to possibly move to a smaller town and try to down shift a bit career-wise soon. But it might just be part of getting older - life was just a lot simpler when I was in my 20s and certainly there were more socializing opportunities with other youngins back then. People our age (35-45) either have kids or (like us) are too busy and exhausted to go out on a regular basis.

 

[Mr_Misanthropy]

Misanthopy

Well, I don't go by Mr. Misanthropy for no reason. I feel almost detached from everyone else in the world. With exceptions of course, I am after all "hitched". I don't only live with my better half, we also work together. Unless it's a day where one of us works and the other doesn't (rare), we see each other just about every waking hour of the day.

I really can't stand bars, packed restaurants, etc. I hate crowds! I really just don't trust anyone, I'm always afraid I'm going to get jumped. I do have a few close friends. They're all true and trusted people who I've known for awhile. I rarely go out and visit anyone, but people do come visit me sometimes, mostly one at a time.

I guess this makes me mostly anti-social.

However, I don't think this behavior is really abnormal these days. With all the creeps and fools out there, who wants to be social aside from the creeps and fools? I'm perfectly happy within the walls of my apartment, in my bubble. Maybe what I'm trying to say is, that in this day and age (especially for your typical Lounger, most of whom are above average caliber humans) it's maybe not normal to be anti-social, but it's really a good idea considering the state of affairs regarding the social aspect of this planet.

 

[zaika]

I never understood the whole introvert/extrovert sterotypes. No one is completely one or the other. For example, for the most part I like to work and choreograph by myself, and be alone or with others that are close to me. However, I'm also a dancer and I love to perform and go to dances. I ask all sorts of people to dance and have a grand old time. So which would you say I am? Neither? Both? Don't worry about being and introvert or extrovert, just be yourself and try to be happy with that. As long as someone loves you, does it really matter if your not the most popular person on the planet?

introverts are often comfortable with performance and being in front of people. but when it comes to actually interacting...it's draining.
just...putting that out there.

as for the OP....(sorry but i hven't read the entire thread...0

you're not being antisocial. considering your situation...you probably jsut have a full plate. if you're the kind of person who doesn't feed off the energy of being around people, then the combination makes it seem like you're totally withdrawn. wait until you're out of school and a tad more settled...and then you'll probably have more time to focus on meeting new people.

when i was in college, i probably had two friends. it was all had the energy for. but now i have a nice wide circle of friends that i make the rounds with. it works.

antisocial is actually when you have no regard for other people, violate their personal space...in a bad way. so, you're not antisocial!

 

[scarlett]

Pgoat - couldn't agree with you more on the cell phone issue.
Zaika - very interesting - I must be an introvert. I have no problem performing (bellydancer) for any size crowd, but when I 'm done and people want to talk, I'm very nervous and yes, feel drained. I also feel that way at gatherings and tend to find very small groups or single people to connect with.
RetroBabyDoll, opposites attract. Your situation sounds similar to mine. I've been w/ my husband for 18+ years and he's always on the phone and wants to be with people all the time. I usually prefer to be alone and most of my interests are solo activities. Our son is really 50/50 on this issue, depends on his mood and what he has planned for the day.
Very interesting thread - I don't feel so awkward about my social activities anymore.
cheers!

 

[ohairas]

Back in the day, children were raised to be social. You were often scolded if you did not say hello to someone, ect. You were considered rude sometimes if you did not show your face at a social affair. I think people are no different today, we just "don't have to if we don't want to"...

As many have stated, time and schedules are a huge downfall of getting together. Some people I just do not have anything in common with, period. And while I don't want to be rude, it gets quite exhausting trying to make small talk. My good friend who was my MOH in my wedding~ she and I don't have much in common but we know if we need anything we would be there for each other. I haven't seen her face to face in about a year! But we call once in a while and email. Would love to see her more, but scheduling is unbelievable!

I'm social all day at work with clients, so when I get home I really don't wanna talk to anyone.

Unfortunately for me.. and this might very well happen to you... (Red, you might understand as well!) Almolst the only time anyone calls me is if they need a haircut. My family included. They certainly seem to make time in their busy schedules for that.

One HUGE thing that is keeping me unsocial is our home. We have lots of work to do yet, so we don't go out often. But it's also not how I want it, so I don't ask people over either.

I'm also very anal... I get visions of how I want a party or whatever to be and if it doesn't go that way I get upset. Hafta work on that... that perfect USA life Miss 1929 talked about!

Confrontation is a big thing. You mentioned your friends were making you uncorfortable talking about certain issues. It's hard to stand up for yourself, but not rock the boat as well.

I'll PM you with the test soon!
Nikki

 

[Feng_Li]

I never understood the whole introvert/extrovert sterotypes. No one is completely one or the other. For example, for the most part I like to work and choreograph by myself, and be alone or with others that are close to me. However, I'm also a dancer and I love to perform and go to dances. I ask all sorts of people to dance and have a grand old time. So which would you say I am? Neither? Both? Don't worry about being and introvert or extrovert, just be yourself and try to be happy with that. As long as someone loves you, does it really matter if your not the most popular person on the planet?

Think of it this way:

Introvert <-....................X............................................-> Extrovert

X = person

It's a spectrum, not a binary categorization.

Also, Zaika is correct: performance is not nearly the same thing as social interaction. Nor is social dancing; it's a highly structured / codified form of interaction, and requires a different sort of thought process.

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

I'm the same as you RBD. I hate talking on the phone, don't socialise much, and am 100% NOT one of thos people who has tons of "mates" they go out with all the time. I'm now in the situation where I need to get myself a social life as I am now single and having relaxing nights in is not going to get me anywhere in finding Mr Right!

I do however have a handful of close friends that I love going to see. I am absolutely crap at phoning them up to arrange stuff though, and two are not really on the net much so I hardly see them. Which is terrible! I do aim to improve my communications in 2008 though!

 

[Twitch]

I think it completely normal for these days and times to be so busy that one has no time for social swarays. It has been repeated many times on TV news surveys so there is something to it. Americans work more hours than any other country- sorry off-shore folks its a bonifide fact- so if going to the Hop or attending some dull cocktail party may be an alternative for sleep actually.

 

[Caledonia]

Well, I don't go by Mr. Misanthropy for no reason. I feel almost detached from everyone else in the world. With exceptions of course, I am after all "hitched". I don't only live with my better half, we also work together. Unless it's a day where one of us works and the other doesn't (rare), we see each other just about every waking hour of the day.

I really can't stand bars, packed restaurants, etc. I hate crowds! I really just don't trust anyone, I'm always afraid I'm going to get jumped. I do have a few close friends. They're all true and trusted people who I've known for awhile. I rarely go out and visit anyone, but people do come visit me sometimes, mostly one at a time. =QUOTE]


That's about it for me too, except folk don't come round anymore, or have moved to Canada, or just move and don't tell me.... What is that!!!!lol

I hate the phone for social calls unless I'm in the mood, and I usually don't pick up at the weekends at all - sad and rude, I know.

Love it for work because it gets you out of meetings, as does email, but I now hear the damn thing even when it's not actually ringing. Not quite tinnitus, but something close!!

I used to be a total social animal - pubs, parties, loved having folk round, or going there. Now when someone arrives at the end of the drive or at the door, I can just feel the "don't mess with me, who are you, you'd better not be selling something/wasting my time" scowl, or at best totally blank look.

I can't say I like this 'new' me, but I reckon it's also just part of the whole growing, maturing, finding who you are thing. Oddly enough, I love the teeny tiny social interactions with shop keepers, and can even stand to meet someone I know while shopping! Maybe it's the shopping that's put me in a good mood..

Strangely, this is the year I'm trying to re-establish friendship connections and make new ones, and work out what I really want to do for the second half of my life. Mid life crisis? I think so!

 

[Smuterella]

I'm the same as you RBD. I hate talking on the phone, don't socialise much, and am 100% NOT one of thos people who has tons of "mates" they go out with all the time.

I do however have a handful of close friends that I love going to see. I am absolutely crap at phoning them up to arrange stuff though, and two are not really on the net much so I hardly see them. Which is terrible! I do aim to improve my communications in 2008 though!

thats totally me, but for me its part laziness, definitely

 

[Pink Dahlia]

I wish it was like "back in the day!" I am always astonished how many people don't say hello or even make eye contact! Is that so painful?

 

[Pink Dahlia]

Or when someone doesn't even respond to a PM...RUDE!

 

[Smuterella]

i make a real point of speaking in a friendly manner to people

i just don't like going out

its too much effort sometimes and also i have a tendency to overdo things and be very hungover the next day