Am I Too Old?

[Odalisque]

49 is young!

younger.....I meant younger. :eusa_doh:

 

[Lady Day]

49 is young!

WHAT?! No its not.
If Im still 'young' at 49, then Im not doing my job right. 49 is middle age, and I PRAY Im a distinguished, learned, sassy, gal (like Inky) finally comfortable with myself at that age. But young, geeze, they could have young from me at age 25 lol

As for the vintage thing, all ages were always around. I remember going to a party and seeing a nearly 80 year old woman dressed to the 9s in 30s garb. She was a vision.

LD

 

[Warbaby]

Hope you ladies don't mind a gentleman popping in for a comment on the age thing. I'll be turning 68 in a couple of days and I haven't yet begun to feel or act like an old geezer. Prolly never will.

Just remember the immortal words of the great Satchel Paige:

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?"

 

[Paisley]

When I was about 25, I was working on a loading dock, had acne, drove a car that was older than I was and was dumb enough to go out with a man who didn't care anything about me. Yes, you can have young. I'm 40 and happy about it.

 

[lolly_loisides]

When I was about 25, I was working on a loading dock, had acne, drove a car that was older than I was and was dumb enough to go out with a man who didn't care anything about me. Yes, you can have young. I'm 40 and happy about it.

Young doesn't automatically equate to dumb. I'm almost 40 & I feel young - although I suppose feeling young & being young are two different things.

 

[Inky]

i love this thread

i'm truly humbled by the love, everyone, thank you so much.

 

[Foofoogal]

Somewhere a while back there was a thread with a poll of ages. It is a real varied site with many ages indeed.

 

[chanteuseCarey]

Perhaps I am the oldest FL lady here...

I just joined FL in March of 09, I'll be turning 51 in late August. My vintage icon/role model is not a younger gal, but actually actress Isobel Elsom at age 49 when she appeared in the Fred Astaire, Rita Hayworth film "You Were Never Lovelier". She was 49 when the film was made, and she played Rita's godmother, Mrs. Maria Castro. She looked like a classy, elegant lady in every shot!

I've been told I don't look 50, but 42! I'll take 42... I feel "young at heart" and have lots of energy, so I've been told. Some days I really feel 50 though, especially during my Pilates and Zumba classes

Yes, there are definitely certain styles I wear at fifty (I stick with the 1940s for my vintage look/style) that are quite different than what a teen or twenty or thirty-something age gal would wear, vintage or otherwise.

I think much of the 40s style in particular was very "grown-up" by modern standards; especially the suits, black cocktail dresses and evening wear, and hats- they seem well suited for an "older" lady.

Speaking of hats, I also love to wear HATS, late 30s and 40s vintage and vintage-inspired. Have for years. I think wearing hats takes a healthy sense of aplomb and self confidence that perhaps age and maturity brings. I don't see too many other FL gals wearing vintage hats round here, at least since I joined... Maybe its just that I watched "Room with a View" and "Somewhere in Time" too many times, and old movies for so long!

Me at fifty in vintage and vintage inspired:

Bye for now, I'm off to Pilates at the local YMCA...

 

["Skeet" McD]

Another comment from across the aisle....

Dear Ladies of the Lounge,
Another gent with a comment; it's only based on my own experience, both mine, and of many people I have had the pleasure of knowing.

Physical age means NOTHING. Physical age will probably bring a certain amount of physical restriction....but there are young folks dealing with much greater physical problems. You still have the choice to make of it...what you will.

I was born "old:" most of my friends at age 15 were...60 year olds. We got along fine. I have friends now (at 55) that are 30 years younger, and 30 years older. Physical age means nothing (by itself).

As a young teenager, I knew a man who had wanted all his life to play piano and tapdance. When he retired at 65....he did both. We used to play music together (I'm a professional musician)...he went to the local dance school in our small town and participated in all the recitals. First there were the 4 year olds; then there were the 10 year olds; then there were the 15 year olds....then there was Jim, God bless him!

Another happy example I have been privileged to know was an elderly German-American woman. Hilde loved music, and--although only an amateur pianist--we started at the beginning of Volume 1 of the Schubert song edition, and over the course of several years, played and sang EVERY song Schubert ever wrote...ending at the last song of volume 7. She died, last year, at age 95. When I last saw her, she was Bilbo Baggins at Rivendell: dozing off almost between sentences, having trouble sleeping, really just waiting to die. She wasn't bitter, or afraid, or in denial: she was Hilde, right to the end. And what was she doing with her time? When she couldn't sleep, she was translating Schiller into English...just for fun.

May the good God grant me the grace to die like Hilde! In the meantime, for all of us: enjoy every day! Do everything YOU want to do--as long as you are doing it because YOU want to do it...not because you think you "should" (or not doing something because you think others might think you "shouldn't")...you will never look out of place. Some smaller minds might be threatened by you and attempt to ridicule you or tell you you shouldn't do....whatever. Pay no mind. "To thine own Self be true."

"Skeet"

 

[Lady Day]

Sorry 'Skeet' but Id have to disagree with you. Age does mean something, and I feel this 'age is just a number' mantra that we have adopted in the last 30+ years has resulted in a lot of the behavior we constantly complain about here on the lounge.

Ages is an indicator to start a chapter of life, and has been that way for a millennia. When you hit a specific age in youth, you are considered a man. Another age, you are expected an 'elder' etc etc. Its these stepping stones that can act like a catalyst for us to begin again, at least if we are stuck in something.

You cant equate a thirst for knowledge, tolerance, exploration, and open mindedness with youth. Youth is where you first start those adventures, but its certainly isnt where they end. I think this hang up on the word of 'youth' or 'remaining young' is damaging. Im not going to stay 30, so I want to comfortable being 40, and 50, and 60, etc etc. I want to know that those ages offer just as many interesting and different situations to life as being 20 or 30 did.

I dont think this is a thread about personal testimonials and how their age has effected their life, but about this constant celebrity of youth, and saying 'it doesn't matter what age you are', yet being older and constantly chasing being younger. Thats hypocrisy.

Im just tired of people being embarrassed about what age they are and seeing 27 year olds lie about their age, and being PC in saying you are young at every age because you are not, and thats not bad. Be the age you are and be happy in it. I guess thats my bottom line.

LD

 

[LizzieMaine]

Im just tired of people being embarrassed about what age they are and seeing 27 year olds lie about their age, and being PC in saying you are young at every age because you are not, and thats not bad. Be the age you are and be happy in it. I guess thats my bottom line.

LD

Very well said. One of the joys of being middle-aged is that it's socially acceptable to be crotchety. It's very hard to be a curmudgienne (a gal curmudgeon, that is) when you're 25, but when you're 46 it's practically expected of you.

 

[Paisley]

Young doesn't automatically equate to dumb.

No, but it helps.

As for physical age meaning nothing, I disagree. I don't care how well you take care of yourself, your body changes. Your skin, your hair, your voice--they don't stay 20 years old. Neither does the rest of your body. As much as I eat right and work out, there's no way I could go through basic military training school again. Running five miles a day, doing drill, marching with a pack, going eighteen hours a day on a light diet--I could not do it now. It's not for nothing the military has a cut-off age for recruits.

I agree with Lady Day that every age has something to offer and that we should enjoy it. My 30s were great. Now I'm 40 and developing some new interests. There's more and more to build on as I read, think and meet new people. I get to go through the basics at my own pace.

Many people my age or older are happy that their children are grown up and are enjoying their grandchildren. Others have worked to build a career or business and have a body of work to be proud of. Make it all about your looks, though, and I think you spend middle age and beyond either fooling yourself or dodging mirrors--or seeing a plastic surgeon.

 

[Inky]

My mother gave me advice some years ago about life and aging and I find as time goes on, it's making complete sense to me:

We spend our youth wanting desperately to be 18, then 21, to be "all grown up" and "adults."

We spend our 20's being invincible and not appreciating our youth, beauty and stamina.

We spend our 30's worrying about our future - it's the shoulda/woulda/coulda years. A lot of keeping up with the Jones in this decade.

We spend our 40's realizing so much stuff that we worried about in our 30's just isn't that important and it's okay to be yourself. No one cares that much about who you are except yourself.

We spend our 50's totally not giving a darn about the superficial stuff, realizing we have a few good years left and trying to make the best of it.

We spend our 60's hoping for good health, enjoying the fruits of our labors and wishing we had taken better care of our knees.

She doesn't have any advice for the 70's yet as she just turned 70 this past May

 

[Odalisque]

Many of my coworkers are young--in their 20s. I'm not one of them and don't aspire to be. I like them, but wouldn't feel comfortable going out with them as a group. I mean, have you ever had somebody who was somewhat older try to fit in with a crowd of young people? It's just weird and creepy.

I'm 25 and I don't fit in with most in the 20 year set. I would be amazingly uncomfortable going out in a group of average 20 year olds. *yucky*

I think it's more a matter of mindset then age, honestly. Lots of younger folks (early twenties) are in the party-hardy, I'll never grow up mindset. And unfortunately, I know a few 40 year olds who are never grew out of that phase. They fit in just fine with the young crowd.

 

[Red Diabla]

I dont think this is a thread about personal testimonials and how their age has effected their life, but about this constant celebrity of youth, and saying 'it doesn't matter what age you are', yet being older and constantly chasing being younger. Thats hypocrisy.

Im just tired of people being embarrassed about what age they are and seeing 27 year olds lie about their age, and being PC in saying you are young at every age because you are not, and thats not bad. Be the age you are and be happy in it. I guess thats my bottom line.

LD

The real truth is that youth has always been valued. The thing that's changed is the availability of plastic surgery to keep the wrinkles at bay. The results of some bad plastic surgery are at once both devastating and amusing to see in people's relentless attempts to stop time from marching on...right across their faces.

As one who is considered middle-aged but doesn't act it, I'm torn about the whole conversation. I think what we're really seeing is the bucking of stereotypes...it used to be that 40 was "old". Is it? It's middle-aged, but is that old? Not as much anymore...people are healthier and living longer. Live it up while you can!

On a somewhat side note, I always loved the character of Ruth Fisher from HBO's Six Feet Under and her exploration of her age and what she does with it. My favorite episode with her was the one where she was encouraged to shoplift because (pardon me while I paraphrase) as an older woman, she's invisible in society. And I think that's true. Men as they get older get "distinguished". Women get "old". And therefore ignored. That's not a new phenomenon. I can see why women don't want to be ignored merely because of their age.

It's a tricky subject.

RD

 

[Lady Day]

The real truth is that youth has always been valued...
As one who is considered middle-aged but doesn't act it, I'm torn about the whole conversation. I think what we're really seeing is the bucking of stereotypes...it used to be that 40 was "old".
RD

Youre forty, but you 'dont act it'. Isnt that the stereotype you just mentioned?

Of course youth has always been valued. You reproduced young, and therefore, youth was sought after. Babies babies babies!! But Id like to think we are WAY more civilized now in modern times than a lot of our biology, and I dont mean that jokingly.

LD

 

[Fleur De Guerre]

When my parents met, his mum and dad were in their mid-late forties, and my mum has always described about how they were already old people then. They dressed like old people, in frumpy dowdy old person clothes, hardly left the house as it was 'too much effort', certainly never went out for dinner or for a holiday. They just seemed happy to plod on in that way until they got truly old and died. They're now in their 80s, and have done just that... virtually nothing in the last 35 years. It's very odd though, it's like they wanted to get old, to justify their behaviour, my granny even bought a cane before she needed it, and used it every day until she became reliant on it.

My other granny, my mum's mum, was already a few years older than them but was an incredibly stylish lady, full of life and enthusiasm, but always behaved and looked like a lady of her age (whatever it was at the time). She was always off on adventures, seeing plays, trips to Brighton, tea in London, cruises, liked sunbathing in the garden, shopping. Both sets of grandparents had similar incomes, and obviously very different personalities, but I never intend to lose my spark for life like my paternal grandparents seem to have. Perhaps they never had it though, who knows. And they are both still alive whereas my maternal grandparents have both passed away, so maybe having more fun is bad for your health! Oh well! lol

 

[Lillemor]

Fleur, I think my husband and I are much like your paternal grandparents and what gives one the feeling of getting a "spark" is different to different people. Having a very busy social and events calendar like my in-laws and parents wouldn't put a spark into my life. It would however make me stressed and miserable as hell.

On the outside it may look like we lead very boring lives and do nothing but we just appreciate the simple things in life and that's very gratifying. So maybe it's not fair to assume that they've lost the spark. This wasn't intended as an attack on your person or view. You know your grandparents, I don't. I was just trying to provide another angle of view.

My mother in-law is getting with the trends for 70-something y.o. ladies and dressing like her peers so she's been passing off old clothes to me which I'm very grateful for because unlike her, I'm not worried about it aging me...yet, but perhaps that will change in the future.

Right now I'm just grateful to be able to wear things that were ordinary in my in-laws youth. Maybe they were never super trendy styles but they were what many ordinary young women wore. I can dress this style more in the colder months than right now. However, I'm already bracing myself for button-pushing-comments from my mother when we go to visit her like: "you aren't old enough to wear those styles" or "be careful with dressing to old for your age" blah, blah, blah..... I've been doing some soul searching and trying to be honest with myself about why I fear comments like these and why they bother me so much.

I'm only 32 but I feel I look aged beyond my years; Facial features are "slipping" and I'm aging asymmetrically which I mentioned on the Beauty Board.

Whatever gives anyone a feeling of having a spark in their life is fine with me. I'm not putting down people who a need to have a more active life to feel that spark.

I've never had many peer friends and the ones I had were as "odd" ,"strange", "spooky", or just "nerdy" as me. I don't feel like I'm part of a generation and I don't know what my generation did or liked when we were teenagers and I have no concept of what is considered normal interests or lifestyle by most 30 somethings. I know my husband feels the same about other 40 somethings. It doesn't bother us though interaction with peers is usually awkward regardless of what efforts we put into being friendly. It's just a fact that we feel more comfortable in the company of people who are on the old fashioned, conservative side and often 40+ years older than me.

As far back as I can remember there have been people that have worried that I'm "stuck" and not evolving or changing. My interests, even my style tastes are constantly changing and often radically. I gues there is a sameness about me that never changes but I'm comfortable with the way I am and don't feel like changing anything for the sake of change unless it comes naturally.

 

[Paisley]

I'm 25 and I don't fit in with most in the 20 year set. I would be amazingly uncomfortable going out in a group of average 20 year olds. *yucky*

I think it's more a matter of mindset then age, honestly. Lots of younger folks (early twenties) are in the party-hardy, I'll never grow up mindset. And unfortunately, I know a few 40 year olds who are never grew out of that phase. They fit in just fine with the young crowd.

Yes--there are many exceptions. I was thinking more along the lines of someone thinks he's young and hip and is tolerated because he's old enough to buy the beer.

 

["Skeet" McD]

Sorry 'Skeet' but Id have to disagree with you. Age does mean something, and I feel this 'age is just a number' mantra that we have adopted in the last 30+ years has resulted in a lot of the behavior we constantly complain about here on the lounge....Age is an indicator to start a chapter of life, and has been that way for a millennia....Im not going to stay 30, so I want to comfortable being 40, and 50, and 60, etc etc. I want to know that those ages offer just as many interesting and different situations to life as being 20 or 30 did....Be the age you are and be happy in it. I guess thats my bottom line.

I don't think we actually disagree, LD; I too am a strong believer in the old "Seven Ages of Man" thing....and agree with you that much of the deformation of our current culture is the result of late childhood/young adulthood being accepted as the cultural norm...for everybody. And (to respond to Paisley) remember I didn't say that physical age had no meaning--it would bring inevitable physical changes, but that the mental state was more important.

At the end of the day, I don't think one's physical age should be a limiting factor. There are incredibly immature 80 years olds, and very mature 10 year olds; speaking for myself--while I have learned much and experienced many things over my 5 decades--I feel I am essentially the same person now that I was in my late childhood. Your final comment is the right one, for my money: be the age you are, and be happy.

"Skeet"