Advice on Smoking Family Members

[tonyb]

Do yourself and your FIL a favor. Get him a Blu electronic starter kit on the web. You might be able to find one at a local BP or Hess station but save the running around and just Google Blu. Buy him the starter kit as a gift and tell him your freinds really like it. Its about 60 bucks. Its a nicotine delivery system for smokers with no odor and no smoke. Comes in all strengths and flavors. Pretty cool!

Just curious, Foxer55 ...

Have you used this thing yourself? If so, what's your take on it?

 

[sheeplady]

Sheeplady,

We have tried a variant on this, with him wearing a "smoking shirt". He does it the first time or two, then "forgets" after that. He becomes very defensive about being nagged when reminded. When asked, my MIL and wife give me what I call "the dinosaur defense." Where someone defends bad or outdated behavior by saying, "that's how it was when he grew up/etc."

I call it the Dinosaur Defense because "evolve or die" isn't just for the dinosaurs.

Well, that stinks. If it's cold enough I was thinking maybe you could just get him to wear a jacket, but a lot of smokers don't feel the cold due to the nicotine.

Do you have kids? My husband's grandmother (a lifelong smoker who loved it and said she would never quit) quit in less than a week when she was told that her youngest grandson couldn't come over anymore because of his asthma. While I'm not suggesting that you try to get him to quit, a lot of doctors are on about second second hand smoke and children's exposure- in other words- even if someone smokes outside they should change their outer layer and wash when they come in. Perhaps if you mentioned that your child gets headaches from the smoke or something? Lots of grandparents will do things for their grandkids' health even if they wouldn't do them for their kids. And chances are if it bothers you that much, it could likely bother your child too given that sensitivities are inherited.

Again, I don't know if you have kids, but that would be my tact to take.

Although cigarette smoke doesn't bother me, I totally understand. At one point in my life I was so sensitive to perfumes that I bought a new "scent" shampoo from my regular company (they had discontinued my favorite), and I literally nearly fainted in the shower when I spread some of it on my head due to the overwhelming smell. I ended up lying in the bottom of the tub waiting for the water to wash it away and the fan to take away the smell for about an hour until I could get up again. So you have my sympathy.

 

[Foxer55]

tonyb,

Just curious, Foxer55 ...

Have you used this thing yourself? If so, what's your take on it?

Yeah, started using them recently, still getting use to them. Its a pretty nifty setup. You get more nicotine from the High cartridges than you do from a cigarettes which really overcomes your need for a fix. The stinking people in the government have limited the amount of nicotine in a cigarette "for your benefit." What a lie, that means people are smoking more cigarettes to kill themselves faster so the tobacco companies can sell more cigarettes (profit!) which gives the government more - you guessed it - taxes!

Anyway, you get none of the smoke or chemicals from the e-cigarettes as from real cigarettes but you get the nicotine. I know several people who have switched to them altogether and one or two people using them to give up smoking which is why they were originally developed by some Chinese doctor.

Added Later.

They are also cheaper than cigarettes, probably 1/2 to 1/3 the cost now but that may change. When I told my GP I was thinking of trying them (he doesn't hassle me about smoking), he said, "Yeah, go ahead, you might like them."

 

[nice hat dude!]

Just seeking some advice on how to deal with my Father In Law. He and my MIL live on the East Coast. They fly out 2-3 times a year to visit and spend time with my wife and daughter. They are nice people and do a lot for us. They love our daughter and my wife has always had a close relationship with them. My FIL is a heavy smoker. He smokes almost hourly. I am very sensitive to the smoke and it makes me physically ill with nausea and headaches. While he doesn't smoke in the house, it clings to his clothes and pores so it is till a little rough. With the last visit, there was a lot of tension over it.

For their next visit, I offered to stay at my folks but was told by my wife that would be perceived as an insult. I don't want them to not visit. My wife and daughter value their visit. My FIL won't stop smoking. The headaches and nausea make me kind of grumpy when they visit, so I'm not exactly an angel here.

Suggestions? Just something to bear?

I guess you could ask yourself the question what do you feel is a reasonable solution to the problem then try to get as close to that as you can?I'm a hard core smoker and I'll be nice and smoke outside,I'll try to curb the frequency of how much I smoke but I won't quit all together?

 

[countryclubjoe]

Tell him no smoking anywhere on your property, should he go smoke in his car then a shower would be needed to kill the smell that is making you ill.
Be king of your home.
Best regards.
CCJ

 

[Hunter_aka_Scotty]

Uhg. Leave the guy alone. You can't tell a person no smoking anywhere on your property, that's just pathetic and boorish behavior. He comes out rarely and for a short time. Deal with it.

The things people choose to battle with loved ones over never cease to amaze me.

 

[countryclubjoe]

Uhg. Leave the guy alone. You can't tell a person no smoking anywhere on your property, that's just pathetic and boorish behavior. He comes out rarely and for a short time. Deal with it.

The things people choose to battle with loved ones over never cease to amaze me.

If the ignorant smoking father in law is aware that he is making his son in law and quite possibility his granddaughter sick then I say he should be the person to step up to the plate and not smoke. As you stated its only for a short time, so give the lungs a short break and not make your host/son in law sick.
Best regards
CCJ

 

[vitanola]

"Advice on Smoking Family Members"

You make them sound as if they were sausages.

 

[4spurs]

He needs to bath more often, and that includes washing his hair, and every time he smokes he should wash his hands after. And he should do his laundry more often too. That's why he stinks.

Tell him that when he comes to visit he should stop smoking, and that his inability to do so shows that he is weak-minded. Sometimes you have to kick your FIL's butt. I had to kick my FIL's butt a few times, and I was man enough to make up too when it was appropriate, and he likes me the best of all three of his daughter's other ex-husbands, and her current one too....

 

[Hunter_aka_Scotty]

If the ignorant smoking father in law is aware that he is making his son in law and quite possibility his granddaughter sick then I say he should be the person to step up to the plate and not smoke. As you stated its only for a short time, so give the lungs a short break and not make your host/son in law sick.
Best regards
CCJ

The ignorant father in law? What does ignorance have to do with it? How do you know he is ignorant? You make a lot of broad and completely unsupportable statements of absolutism.

 

[ortega76]

I like the dinosaur reference, Sal. Times change.

Thanks, tonyb. No disrespect to older generations but it's one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to older folks. Times change, move with them. I really dislike when people justify bad behavior with the line, "it's just how it was." Like that excuses everything from drunk driving to racism. Ugh. But, this is no place for a rant.

I suppose my annoyance is complicated by a feeling of "damned if I do, damned if I don't." It's an insult to not be there for the visit. I'm alone in asking him to stop, as the wife feels it's disrespectful to ask him to stop. I do agree, I can put up with it for the week they are here. Doesn't make me a happy camper, but nobody ever said family was easy.

As for my daughter, she's 2 1/2 and doesn't show signs of being bothered by it. It DOES bother my wife as well. One visit, she ended up getting treated for a sinus infection because of it.

 

[ortega76]

tonyb,



Yeah, started using them recently, still getting use to them. Its a pretty nifty setup. You get more nicotine from the High cartridges than you do from a cigarettes which really overcomes your need for a fix. The stinking people in the government have limited the amount of nicotine in a cigarette "for your benefit." What a lie, that means people are smoking more cigarettes to kill themselves faster so the tobacco companies can sell more cigarettes (profit!) which gives the government more - you guessed it - taxes!

Anyway, you get none of the smoke or chemicals from the e-cigarettes as from real cigarettes but you get the nicotine. I know several people who have switched to them altogether and one or two people using them to give up smoking which is why they were originally developed by some Chinese doctor.

Added Later.

They are also cheaper than cigarettes, probably 1/2 to 1/3 the cost now but that may change. When I told my GP I was thinking of trying them (he doesn't hassle me about smoking), he said, "Yeah, go ahead, you might like them."

I see these are becoming more prevalent. Here in Chicago, there is even a "smoke shop" dedicated to nothing but e-cigs. The flavor choices seem about as plentiful as for a hookah.

 

[countryclubjoe]

The ignorant father in law? What does ignorance have to do with it? How do you know he is ignorant? You make a lot of broad and completely unsupportable statements of absolutism.[/QUOTE
Well lets see.. Its an absolute fact that the father in law is a chain smoker, its an absolute fact that he is visiting his son in law and its an absolute fact that said son in law gets ill from the smell of the father in law because the father in law smells like smoke and tobacco.
Hence father in law knows son in law gets ill from the smoke and smell of tobacco however father in law continues to smoke on the SON in laws property, which leds me to believe that he is not only ignorant he is down right rude. Or maybe he just does not like his son in law?

You decide Hunter aka Scotty.

Best regards
CCJ

 

[Hunter_aka_Scotty]

The rude one would be you calling people ignorant. Ignorance has NOTHING to do with any of the facts you listed, none of which were even under debate!

 

[ortega76]

Guys, can we turn it down a notch?

 

[Feraud]

Thanks, tonyb. No disrespect to older generations but it's one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to older folks. Times change, move with them. I really dislike when people justify bad behavior with the line, "it's just how it was."

On a lighter note, just wait until your 2 year old grow up and gives you or your wife one of those "you're so old fashioned.." comments!

 

[countryclubjoe]

Guys, can we turn it down a notch?

Hi ortega76--- will do and I hope the family visit turns out well.
Best regards
CCJ

 

[John in Covina]

Look into some powerful aircleaners for the home. Always sit up wind, strategic placement of those aircleaners or fans may help. Create a motion activated Febreeze sprayer that gets him on the return inside.

provide nicorete gum and patches.

Push him to try dippin snuff or skoal bandits. The spittle containers are hideous but it smells a lot less.

Wrap him in saranwrap.

Bring over some friends and do a Clockwork orange type intervention in the garage. There are some great home aversion techniques that use battery booster cables and salt water.

 

[tonyb]

If I hadn't already gotten that nicotine monkey off my back more than six years ago (although, truth be known, there are still moments when I wish that smoking weren't so damned harmful), I'd be tempted by those e-cigs.

It's not that the nicotine itself isn't something a person ought to avoid, but to get it without all those other deadly components in tobacco smoke is obviously the better option. Addiction to e-cigs ain't the best thing, but it's gotta be better than smoking cigarettes.

When I was a smoker, I never ran out of cigarettes. I couldn't go to bed at night without knowing that I had enough smokes to get me through at least the first few hours of the coming day. I'd light a cigarette in the morning before I visited the bathroom. I'd have smoked two or three before I had coffee.

Restrictions on smoking were getting tighter and tighter during the later phase of my smoking career. Workplace bans had me taking frequent visits away from the desk. Indeed, my addiction was a major factor in the jobs I considered. I wouldn't have a job that kept me from smoking for more than an hour at a stretch. Thought I'd never quit.

And then I dropped it. Instantly. The news was truly that sobering.

I lose patience with people who say they're trying to quit smoking. Ain't no trying about it, brothers and sisters. You either quit or you don't. When a person truly wishes to quit, for him- or herself, and not for the spouse or the kids or the parents or whoever, he or she will quit.

So, my advice to those who wish for their loved ones to give up smoking is to save your breath. These days, smokers know that smoking isn't permitted in most indoor spaces, including the private homes of non-smokers, so they don't have to be told to take it outside. Beyond that, there isn't much to tell them.

 

[ortega76]

On a lighter note, just wait until your 2 year old grow up and gives you or your wife one of those "you're so old fashioned.." comments!

I'm curious to see how that is going to go. I'm a pretty laid back guy. College educated but I recently started working with my hands as a welder. Visible tattoos and a style that is part punk/part rockabilly with a little vintage thrown in. My wife is a nurse, former CPA. Sorority girl and very conservative. I'm dying to see how my daughter is going to rebel.

By the way, this is post 773 for me! Chi-town area code! Woo hooo!