A possible exception to hat etiquette?

[seilerjp]

I know the etiquette for when to remove a hat, such as when going inside a house, an elevator, and at the dinner table. Several years ago, I had a malignant melanoma removed from the top of the head which included a skin graft. To say the least, it was bad and deep. I now refer to the area as the "Tiger Woods' sand trap. Since then I have always worn a flat cap, almost all the time, except in church when I remove it. It is not that the area of the head where the graft was placed was extremely disfiguring, it is just that I am conscious of it. I now am wearing vintage fedoras instead of caps, which is more noticeable. My questions is "Is it necessary for me to follow the hat etiquette rules?" I should add that I am a chrome dome on top so there is no hair to cover the divot. Thanks for you input.

 

[oak1971]

Not sure on protocol, but I have a similar issue. I have a shunt in my head that is visible under the skin. Not sure where that ranks on the creepy scale, but I prefer to keep it covered.

 

[Stearmen]

These days, so many men wear their baseball caps everywhere, without removing them, I am not sure of the etiquette! About the only places where the wearing of a hat is a complete no no, is in Officer and NCO clubs. Not removing ones cover is grounds for an immediate expulsion!

 

[Bob Roberts]

Do whatever you are comfortable with. PERIOD!

 

[Lean'n'mean]

Better to remain hatted & be thought a fool than to take it off & remove all doubt..

 

[tonyb]

I doubt that in the year 2015 few people know or care about the old rules of hat etiquette.

For those who do, well, okay, but it would be unrealistic to expect the bulk of humanity to share those sensibilities.

Good to know you got through the cancer okay. I say go ahead and wear the hat if whatever discomfort wearing it in "inappropriate" contexts is less troubling than the self-consciousness you might feel at having your divot on display.

FWIW, I typically remove my hat when seated at a restaurant counter, although the consensus around here is that remaining hatted at the counter is acceptable. I'm just more comfortable with it off while eating.

 

[Matt Crunk]

In today's casual society, I'm not sure that many people would pay attention to hat etiquette, or even be aware that there was such a thing. That said, being that you are yourself aware of hat etiquette, you must do what your own conscious dictates.

 

[oak1971]

Who invented hat etiquette anyway. The only way I found out about it was my dad smacking me on the back of the head and yelling "take yer hat off!"

 

[sheeplady]

If it makes you more comfortable, leave it on.

I try to look at etiquette like this: If one of my kids did it, would I be ok with it? For something that my child is self concious of because of a medical reason, I don't think etiquette need apply. I wouldn't even make my kid take his hat off at dinner if he was wearing it for medical reasons, and I don't allow hats on men/boys at the dinner table as a general rule.

I too am a cancer survivor, and I'd be upset if during treatment someone had requested I take my head covering off. I'm a lady, so it's a general no-no (ladies do not remove their hats in most cases), but it would also offend me. I have known of women who were told they had to wear wigs at weddings because their scarf "would spoil the wedding pictures" and I think these people need to get lives.

 

[Edward]

I agree with the crowd; if it's how you are comfortable, stick with it. Perhaps - if it's not a massive inconveniene - consider carrying a small cap or skullcap that will cover that part of your head but be less 'obvious' than a Fedora indoors, if that makes you feel less conspicuous. I tend to wear fezzes indoors at home (or at black tie gatherings), foten just to keep it warm. I shave my head because I started balding very young (26!).

 

[Frunobulax]

Hat etiquette, like any social norms, customs, and the like, are there to provide a basis for relating to another in society. Etiquette is put in place as a piece of social structure. Sure, it's arbitrary, but what works often is carried forward. In the case of hat etiquette, it seems to revolve around showing respect or deference to those in your company. The reason you remove your hat when you enter someone's home is to show respect and deference to their "castle." Similarly for many other things, including eating.

While we certainly now live in a society that, at the very least, has different ways of organizing around a social ideal (some good, some bad, some very bad), that doesn't mean the old ways aren't still viable. One of the things that draws me to the whole hat thing is some of the formalities. I think they're fun and interesting, and I have a thing for social graces and the "proper" way to do things anyway. So, those of us on the Lounge (and I'm not a vintage guy by any stretch), seem to be grasping, at least a bit, for more genteel behavior than we normally experience.

That's a long-winded way to say that hat etiquette, to me, is not passe. It is still appropriate and desirable behavior. The problem here is one of discomfit on the part of the hat wearer, for a reason that would not necessarily have been recognized in the Golden Age. We live and grow. One of the things I have noted in the past about all of the "rules" for how to conduct yourself while wearing a hat, is that you can normally add to the end of the guidance, if at all practical.

So yeah, you meet a woman on the street, you should take off your hat while you converse with them. Unless you're already juggling a briefcase, umbrella, packages, and a 9-month old. Then you leave your hat on, unapologetically. The same goes for the OP's conundrum. In his case, it would make him extremely uncomfortable to remove his hat. Etiquette and politeness goes two ways, so the person who has discomfit should be accommodated, if at all practical.

Which is a roundabout way of saying that you should do what you think is best, but please try to observe some of the social graces where you can. It does lubricate life a bit.

 

[RBH]

m

 

[sufidancer]

Do whatever you are comfortable with. PERIOD!

I second this.

 

[Frunobulax]

I second this.

Yeah, but that can result in a restraining order, like last time.

 

[Bob Roberts]

That was only a temporary and partial restraining order...