Self-Conscious?

[DrQuest]

I'd add two things.

First, you might try wearing a fedora with
casual clothes, too. Then it won't seem to
your friends quite so much like an "old man" style.

But should that fail, ask them which flowers they'll
prefer when you visit them in the skin cancer ward...

Actually I've been considering wearing it when I go out to dinner, the mall, etc, but havent because I thought perhaps it didnt go with a golf shirt and chinos or khakis. Food for thought.......hmmmmm...........

 

[JeffOYB]

OK, I just read the following info on the Dandyism.net site---a site I just discovered yesterday. Fun stuff! : ) I'm not in their league, nor do I want to be, but the posters there made a great point. Actually, they quoted Tom Wolfe... the point being...

When you dress well you're being AGGRESSIVE.

I think we need to remember this.

It may well account for some of the shyness we feel. There's a flipside to aggression.

It's why only those who are confident will do it, will dare to stand out. It is in fact rude to stand out. You are claiming a leadership position in so doing. If only to say that you lead yourself. It's quite nervy!

Of course many of our styles ARE acceptable to the modern eye, as the earlier poster said, and might not stand out MUCH. But they stand out SOME.

And it does to a degree make other people look bad.

At the SAME time, dressing well is inspiring and an uplift to culture.

The cutting edge of anything has two sides.

So we're in the kitchen... (Some of us are even in the oven! As Bukowski said.) ...Let's get used to it. And press on boldly!

It's a performance. Even when it's a habit and you "phone it in," you're being watched (a bit) more closely than others are. Be prepared!

...Or just dial it down when you're not up for it. : )

The funny thing is that even when I rein it in, I stand out. I remember one "interesting" response just because I was the only one at a nightclub who was NOT wearing a t-shirt, jeans, ad-logo clothes...

Also: We are making our own fashion here. I'm personally not used to being a public artist but once you start deciding what your own look might be you're making art! You're not copying, you're stepping out. Of course all art comes from somewhere so you might think you're copying or keying off of some neat thing you saw...but it's public ART that you're doing! You're changing the terms of the usual clothing deal. Not everyone will like your art but they may well give you (a bit) of respect anyway. ...Except for the other aspects also in play. Exciting stuff, I think!

I've also started to appreciate other people's outfits in a new way. Around here in mid-Michigan nearly all of it is accidental, so it's not art, but I'm enjoying it as a part of legit culture. Not sweatsuits! But I've started accepting some of the camo I see. It used to hurt my eyes. Maybe I'm also using it for some ideas of my own... Camo... (Have you ever seen the dazzle paint on WW1 Navy ships? Now THAT's cool *classic* camo...)

 

[JohnnyGringo]

JeffOYB, I really appreciate your thoughts on the question at hand, very insightful. :eusa_clap

 

[DrQuest]

JeffOYB, I really appreciate your thoughts on the question at hand, very insightful. :eusa_clap

Here, here. I second that. Lots of great comments here.

 

[nobodyspecial]

I've had similar reservations over the years and just try to ignore them and stick a hat on my head. Last summer a female clerk (half my age) at Barnes & Noble gave me a wonderful compliement on my hat and appearance. That did warm my heart a bit and make it easier to keep the hat wearing on track.

 

[Beowulf67]

Hi Dr.,
I've just recently started wearing nicer hats too. I normally didn't wear hats at all before. I haven't really had any one say anything other than my brother, but I expect that from him.

Besides, I wear a kilt on occasion, so really a hats not such a big deal.

What part of Alabama are you from? I'm near Huntsville.

 

[tonyb]

A lot of folks give the advice, "just do it" or "have confidence". One of my favorites is "Wear the hat, don't let it wear you."

That's the gist of it. A person's attire (and to a lesser extent his other public statements of style, such as his car) makes a favorable impression only when the person wears it, instead of the other way around. You know how it is, some people wear things you just can't help but notice, because it stands out for its quality or uniqueness or whatever, and that accurately reflects the personality of the wearer. And other people might put on very similar duds and look like they're just playing dress up. Posers look like posers, no matter what style they are affecting.

 

[DrQuest]

Hi Dr.,
I've just recently started wearing nicer hats too. I normally didn't wear hats at all before. I haven't really had any one say anything other than my brother, but I expect that from him.

Besides, I wear a kilt on occasion, so really a hats not such a big deal.

What part of Alabama are you from? I'm near Huntsville.

A small town called Parrish, near Jasper, or about an hour's drive from Birmingham.

 

[jimmy the lid]

Actually I've been considering wearing it when I go out to dinner, the mall, etc, but havent because I thought perhaps it didnt go with a golf shirt and chinos or khakis. Food for thought.......hmmmmm...........

I never think of wearing a hat as necessarily being associated with "dressing up," so to speak. I simply think of it as part of who I am. So, regardless of what I am wearing -- whether it's a suit, a sportcoat, khakis and a sportshirt, jeans, shorts and an Aloha Shirt eek: ) -- wearing a hat is part of the package. I think it's important to hone your personal sense of style so that the hats you own are ones that really "fit" who you are. If you feel that way about your lids, then you will feel comfortable wearing them as an extension of yourself. Of course you will feel self-conscious at first -- after all, you're one of the very few people out there wearing a lid! But, the more you come to see your lids as an extension of yourself, that self-consciousness quickly evaporates.

Good luck, and welcome to the club!

Oh, and by the way, DrQuest, I hope that your son Jonny is doing well -- and please give my regards to Race Bannon...

Cheers,
JtL

 

[Stoney]

Dr,

Be it a fedora, or any other piece of attire, that differentiates you from the crowd; you just need to decide if you like it or not. No one else's opinion really matters.

This is all about you and your lid. The bond that forms between you and your lid is a precious thing that must be nurtured from within your own soul not degraded by the facetious comments of those that do not understand the bond. As the bond grows your level of comfort will increase until you find yourself unwilling to be separated from your lid for mere moments. The lid will become an extension of your self. No longer It and I. You will become WE the Lid and I are now one behold the glory and pass the mayonnaise.

Oh, by the way, DrQuest. I hope that your son Jonny is doing well -- and please give my regards to Race Bannon...

Geez Jimmy, You forgot Hadji and Bandit.

 

[Harley Quinn]

Let's see... things I say if people feel the need to comment on my 'style'

"Go die in a cold place, alone, in great pain, of something cosmetically displeasing, that smells bad"

"I make this look good"

"I see you're still looting dumpsters fro your wardrobe"

"A pox upon you and your tribe for 500 on 500 generations, you spaniel lick turd"

"God's wounds! but you're an ignorant sore on the rectum of mankind!"

"Did your army following, alley trading, drab of a mother not teach you ANY manners?"

"Tis a shame you know as much of etiquette as you do of the name of your father"

I find it shuts their yap nearly as well as a straight left or a sap applied behind the ear...

 

[jimmy the lid]

You will become WE the Lid and I are now one...

He's absolutely right, DrQuest. And a guy named Jimmy the Lid should know...


Cheers,
JtL

 

[GreyHat]

I have to agree
As a relatively recent addition to the hatwearing community, I do feel that it makes you stand out, and that can make you self conscious. At the same time, though, think about why you are standing out. It is because you look better than the people around you.
Wear it with pride and never look back.

 

[Boxerken]

Wearing a hat is something I have always wanted to do since i was in my 20's but to be honest i just did'nt have the confidence to wear one, I just recently made the move over to fedora's from newsboys and I've never thought anymore about it. Yes, people do look at you more, but so what. I feel totally comfortable in mine now and I've never recevied anything but compliments. I'm 48 now and I'll wear one as long as I live. I should have done it 20 years ago.

 

[Roadrunner]

You're not the only one. I'm pretty new to this game too, I just got my first fedora a month and a half ago. I bought it on a whim, but when I bashed it and tried it on, I liked it. Really liked it. So I wore it when I went out that day. At first I felt like everyone was staring at me, a feeling I don't enjoy, and nearly took it off. But I stuck with it. It's rapidly becoming my signature. So far I've gotten nothing but compliments. I went to visit my brother in Burlington VT and wore it out for an evening of barhopping, no one batted an eye. The self consciousness isn't gone entirely yet, and I'm not sure it ever will be gone. But I've decided that I don't care what others think, if my hat offend them that's their problem and not mine. I think that attitude has gone a long way towards the lack of negative comments. Besides, it keeps the rain off my glasses, and I HATE getting rain on my glasses. :rage:

Wear your lid with pride, and definitely wear it with casual clothes. I'm a college student and dress neatly but not professionally (no suit and tie). I think the fedora works just as well with jeans and a tucked in shirt as it does with a three piece suit. It's all in how you wear it.

 

[Pat_H]

I just started wearing a hat recently, (about a month ago) a nice gray felt fedora that I wear to church. I really like it and think it looks good with a suit, but I confess that I sometimes feel a little self-conscious and conspicious wearing it. One of my buddies teases me a little and says I am finally dressing my age, and wearing an old man's hat, (I am 45) and I take it all in stride, but I sometimes wonder if maybe I do look silly in it. I don't plan to stop wearing it, because I really like it and it keeps the sun out of my eyes, and protects the little bald spot I have. Any of you gentlemen ever feel a little odd wearing a hat, or did you feel self-conscious at first and eventually got over it?

At age 44, I find myself somewhat in the same boat. I find myself a bit self conscience if wearing a Fedora, although it's reducing. I find myself feeling much less that way in inclement weather.

Oddly, I used to feel that way wearing an Open Road, but no longer do. I can wear an Open Road anytime and not feel the least bit self conscience. And I never feel self conscious wearing a newsboy.

 

[DrQuest]

Good luck, and welcome to the club!

Oh, and by the way, DrQuest, I hope that your son Jonny is doing well -- and please give my regards to Race Bannon...

Cheers,
JtL

Thanks! And kudos to you, Jimmy, for getting the reference. :eusa_clap Not everyone grew up watching that show.

 

[Pat_H]

Frankly I applaud you for at the young age of 45 you are at least dressing your age! I am often shocked by the number of middle aged men (I'm 58) who dress like they are twelve, i.e., jeans, t-shirt, white tennis shoes and baseball cap. After all, even Beaver Cleaver grew up!

Hooray!

 

[Pat_H]

I'd add two things.

First, you might try wearing a fedora with
casual clothes, too. Then it won't seem to
your friends quite so much like an "old man" style.

But should that fail, ask them which flowers they'll
prefer when you visit them in the skin cancer ward...

And hooray again!

 

[blade runner]

Hello Doctor

Greetings Dr. Quest. Would that be Dr. Benton Quest?

That should date me pretty closely. I've got about two years on you, and I started wearing fedoras about a year and a half ago. I've been bald for about ten years, so I had to wear hats of some sort in the winter for warmth and in the summer for sun-protection. Eventually, though, I looked for something that might look better. I started out with an Indy style fedora, which goes pretty well with casual clothes but can also go with dress attire, then a straw hat for summer. Then I got a more dressy gray fedora that really looks great with a suit. I was definitely self-conscious at first and dealt with some ribbing from the guys at work (but that was a given because that is what they live for). Gradually you get more comfortable wearing a hat, even if people sometimes give you strange looks. I think part of the reason for those looks is that they don't really know how to react or even what they think of the look. They are not used to seeing it now-a-days, but it is a classic look that they have all seen in movies, so it doesn't really fit into one of the categories into which they are used to plugging people. You are not goth or grunge, you are not a nut who dresses in bizarre combinations that no one has seen before, you are not an elderly gent wearing the same thing he wore in the 1970's, and you are not the mainstream casual/dress-casual attire that, if any hat was worn, would include a baseball cap.

Today I wore a suit with a leather coat over it (a lovely 40 degrees at mid-day here in upstate NY) and my vintage grey fedora. I could easily have felt self-conscious because there was definitely no one around dressed the way I was, but I walked down the street in my town and felt good because I knew I looked good, even if the people I passed didn't appreciate it. I think part of it is getting a feel for the look you like. Once you feel like you have that, I think you will feel comfortable with it regardless of whether anyone else likes it.

So, to be succinct (which I have clearly not been so far) go for a style that looks good to you and you will feel good about it.

By the way, to all the other members who have commented on this thread, it is good to know there are a lot of people going through the same experiences. Cheers to all! :beer: