Please no gifts!

[The Shirt]

So I have a question regarding the age old question of whether/what to give for a wedding. My mother is having a second wedding, simple small ceremony of family and close friends. On the invite it is stated no gifts. I understand that she doesn't have the same need for "stuff" in her late 60s as she might have in her 20's. However - this is my mother. I am having a difficult time not wanting to get her something special if even only a token to show my love and welcome her new beau into our lives.

I was thinking about sneaking into their place after the ceremony before they head home and putting the gift in there. I wanted to give a set of spa robes, some lovely coffee and scones for the next morning and some cute mugs with the date and their names. More of a boudoir present than anything that anyone else will know about or see sitting at a table at the ceremony. Do you stick to the rules or do you get something? Is it lavish or is it simple? Any thoughtful ideas?

 

[ThesFlishThngs]

If it's someone I'm close to (family, good friend) and I really want to give a gift, I do it at a different time than at the ceremony. There's no reason to make other guests feel awkward when they see that someone has, indeed, brought a gift.
Either in private before or after the event is a good time; that way you can explain that you understand they don't want an onslaught of well-meant stuff, but you know and love them, and really wanted to give a certain something in honor of the occasion.

 

[texasgirl]

I think your idea sounds great! She probably just doesn't want or need toasters, towels, etc. But I would absolutely get them something and I think your idea is great.

Once, I didn't know what to get a friend for her wedding. I didn't want to just get something off the registry, we had grown up together. So after the wedding, I took all the wedding photos I had taken and put them together in a framed collage. She really liked it because it had some more personal, candid photos than she had received from her professional photographer.

 

[Paisley]

Maybe your mother means "no gifts necessary." It's hard to imagine she'd be upset over getting coffee, scones and bathrobes from her daughter.

In any event, gifts shouldn't be brought to a wedding. I believe they are properly given to the bride or sent to her house before the wedding.

 

[Queue]

Maybe your mother means "no gifts necessary." It's hard to imagine she'd be upset over getting coffee, scones and bathrobes from her daughter.

In any event, gifts shouldn't be brought to a wedding. I believe they are properly given to the bride or sent to her house before the wedding.

I'd agree with the sentiment but one other possible consideration would be a donation to a charity of which your mother is fond in her name (or of which she and her finance are fond in their names). Get here a nice card and include a note indicating the donation. *shrugs* Just my $0.02.

 

[BinkieBaumont]

"The Whole Wedding Gift" thing is so obsolete, it originated in an era when bride and groom lived at home with Mum and Dad and had NOTHING!... now I get invitations from Chaps who have been living in Luxury with Chapettes for years who, but are getting "Hitched" and wish to upgrade their "Stuff" and send me a list of "Stuff" they want"

 

[Carlisle Blues]

^
^
Binkie get a hold of yourself man.....maybe you can re-gift some of those items.

 

[Paisley]

The Whole Wedding Gift" thing is so obsolete, it originated in an era when bride and groom lived at home with Mum and Dad and had NOTHING!... now I get invitations from Chaps who have been living in Luxury with Chapettes for years who, but are getting "Hitched" and wish to upgrade their "Stuff" and send me a list of "Stuff" they want"

What's worse is getting invites from relatives you never hear from unless they are graduating, getting married or having a baby. All my relatives and your chaps and chapettes should get stuff for each other.

 

[Mrs. Merl]

Don't get too hot under the collar out there. I know lots of people ask for gifts that they really do not need (as I felt was the case at a friends wedding recently.) But consider that some of us really did live at home until we were married and really did need help in the form of wedding gifts! We did not expect much when we got married, especially considering the current tendency to have an entire household before one weds. We were very thankful, however, that everyone was so generous with us. We appreciated the great start we could make due to our family and friends generosity!

And to the point of the thread...I think it is a perfectly lovely idea to give such a gift. I am sure your mother would find it thoughtful and enjoy it very much. I wouldn't worry about what the invitation says as you have considered all the points quite well. It is a meaningful gift, it won't be at the wedding or reception, you are not just an average guest, etc.