My Head Got Bigger? What the heck?

[Dr Doran]

Your swelling head could just be your brain enlarging from being such a smart guy.

It's not smarts. It's the squinting at texts and getting a bulge on my forehead.

Or maybe it's the compliments. Actually, it cannot be that, because I don't get compliments except for the disgraceful humming of the Inspector Gadget theme song and some idiot humming the Godfather music yesterday.

 

[NonEntity]

I think some of the previous posters are calling you a fathead. Not me, oh no.

You know, I've heard of fat-reducing diets and exercise for every part of the body EXCEPT the head. Perhaps I could make a mint pioneering this untapped sector. I can see it now, the lean, mean, fathead reducing machine. You get not one but two, yes two machines. But wait! Order before midnight tonight and I'll throw in a free hoodie to conceal that fat head.

Here's an idea: You've heard of head hunters, right? Native people in Borneo, Java, somewhere in that neighborhood. Did you know they shrink heads? Give 'em a call and see what they can do for you. I hear they give volume discounts, so round up your fatheaded friends.

In all seriousness, Doran, I don't mean to be a downer, but if your head has expanded that fast, there may be something growing inside, like a tumor. Better check that out with a doc ASAP.

 

[Dr Doran]

I think some of the previous posters are calling you a fathead. Not me, oh no.

You know, I've heard of fat-reducing diets and exercise for every part of the body EXCEPT the head. Perhaps I could make a mint pioneering this untapped sector. I can see it now, the lean, mean, fathead reducing machine. You get not one but two, yes two machines. But wait! Order before midnight tonight and I'll throw in a free hoodie to conceal that fat head.

Here's an idea: You've heard of head hunters, right? Native people in Borneo, Java, somewhere in that neighborhood. Did you know they shrink heads? Give 'em a call and see what they can do for you. I hear they give volume discounts, so round up your fatheaded friends.

In all seriousness, Doran, I don't mean to be a downer, but if your head has expanded that fast, there may be something growing inside, like a tumor. Better check that out with a doc ASAP.

AGGH ... I hope it's not a tumah ... but up until that part, I loved your post (comedy is definitely your thing). I did stop smoking a week ago. Probably too late.

 

[Hat Head]

I was a 7 1/4 when I joined the Army back in 1987, and continued at that size for a number of years (used to wear fitted ballcaps for a number of years before I "grew up"). Got out of the fitted ballcap habit, and then a couple of years later I put one of my old hats back on - too small. I figured it had shrunk, but I tried a new fitted cap and had the same result.

At some point, I crossed from a 7 1/4 to a 7 3/8. I weigh maybe 10 to 15 pounds more now than I did in my mid-twenties, and have gained some of that weight in my face (and, evidently, in my head).

Doran - if you decide to sell those hats, let me know.

 

[Dr Doran]

I was a 7 1/4 when I joined the Army back in 1987, and continued at that size for a number of years (used to wear fitted ballcaps for a number of years before I "grew up"). Got out of the fitted ballcap habit, and then a couple of years later I put one of my old hats back on - too small. I figured it had shrunk, but I tried a new fitted cap and had the same result.

At some point, I crossed from a 7 1/4 to a 7 3/8. I weigh maybe 10 to 15 pounds more now than I did in my mid-twenties, and have gained some of that weight in my face (and, evidently, in my head).

Doran - if you decide to sell those hats, let me know.

Awright, but I think I'll stretch them and then rebend them into PORKPIES.

 

[Riot Earp]

I gain fat in my temples. If I gain too much, my hats won't fit over that area and I look like Mr. Balloon Head. It's motivation to keep my weight down.

 

[St.Ignatz]

Ok, everybody had a good laugh at your expense but now it's time to get serious and maybe deal with the obvious. Have you gone without blowing your nose for an extended period of time? Seems simple but.........

 

[Dr Doran]

Only if I can use your pocket square to blow my nose -- AND THEN GIVE IT BACK TO YOU AFTER I'M DONE WITH IT.

 

[St.Ignatz]

So that could be the problem then. You don't own one yourself, in a pinch a simple paper napkin will work. If we should meet I would be glad to GIVE you mine, no need to return thanks.

 

[Dr Doran]

So that could be the problem then. You don't own one yourself, in a pinch a simple paper napkin will work. If we should meet I would be glad to GIVE you mine, no need to return thanks.

I have many pocket squares of almost every imaginable color, and even more paper napkins ... but thanks sport, that's real swell-a-ya.

 

[ideaguy]

It's Grad school. simple. look at all that gibberish for all those hours, trying to
remember half of it-and you realize that you've been holding your breath for most of the time. Especially when you have to read the same paragraph 3 times to get close to understanding what's what...

SO- BREATHE!!! You'll be amazed at the sudden feeling of lightheadedness, almost as if your noggin has settled back into it's old conformation, bumps & all.

worked for me. still can't understand the stuff I studied, though.[huh]

 

[Dr Doran]

As long as I don't have to do any more postmodern literary theory. I'm fine with studying alliances and state-formation. I'm cool with demography and figuring out how many Italians could have lived in Italy in the centuries BC. I'm fine with trying to figure out how Sparta did what it did vis-a-vis Persia and what the Gracchi brothers did about land reform and how that affected the Italian allies. But I don't want to do any more damn literary theory.

"Explain the difference between objects and things, and how (insert name of French scholar) codifies 'the thingness of things' as distinct from objects."

"Can Judith Butler's notion of 'the hegemony of the displaced' be transferred to a luminous sphere of non-axiomatic discourse theory as Babha appropriated Bakhtin?"

"Can Foucault's usage of Borges' 'Chinese Encyclopedia' cancel out all Western scientific claims of knowledge?" [Answer: No.]

No more postmodern gender theory anymore either. I'm sorry, but just because 0.0004% of live human births are intersex does not mean that male and female are no longer useful categories.

I also am quite finished with hearing the word "oppression." Luckily in what I study (ancient history) no one is really too offended at what Caesar did to the Gauls anymore. The French are not demanding "reparations" from the Italians for what happened in the 50s BC.

Great avatar, by the way.

 

[St.Ignatz]

Interesting idea, pre-Garibaldi Italians, but I digress, I still think the hats just sat in a dry box and snugged up on ya. Go with a quality hat stretcher and watch out for the $12.00+/- ebay unit. No substance to the screw. It's just a turn buckle with pins securing it to the blocks. Way to much wobble.
Good Luck, St.I

 

[Dr Doran]

Interesting idea, pre-Garibaldi Italians, but I digress, I still think the hats just sat in a dry box and snugged up on ya. Go with a quality hat stretcher and watch out for the $12.00+/- ebay unit. No substance to the screw. It's just a turn buckle with pins securing it to the blocks. Way to much wobble.
Good Luck, St.I

You're prob'ly right.