Clean Jokes

[Turnip]

 

[LostInTyme]

If an ocassional table is just that, what is it at other times?

 

[GHT]

If an ocassional table is just that, what is it at other times?

And why does a times table not have any legs?

 

[Turnip]

Possibly for a similar reason why turntables usually stand pretty still?

 

[Turnip]

 

[Turnip]

 

[Trenchfriend]

GDR department store

"Hello, Miss. Do you have no shirts, here?"

"No shirts we have in the second floor. Here we have no socks"

 

[Zachary]

I guess we shouldn't expect the audience in this forum to be capable of understanding the typically German GDR jokes …

No hard talk, I'm just aware of the cultural differences and yes, there are worlds between jokes about Communist politics and the rest of the jokes posted in here.

 

[Zachary]

GDR department store

No such thing in the GDR … I consider "department store" quite a – sorry! – inaccurate term for what you meant …

All due respect for your humor and your GDR jokes (I know tons of them and just love them!). Half of GDR jokes work only if told in original language, and the other half can only be understood if you know the actual backgrounds of GDR culture and politics (including inside politics a.k.a. Big Brother's / Erich Mielke's Surveillance State).

A joke specially for you, dear @Trenchfriend: How is Stasi called confidentially?

Spoiler: Auflösung

VEB Horch, Guck & Greif

You can try to translate this, but no matter how hard you try, English speaking audience have not the faintest idea what's meant with that.

 

[Trenchfriend]

No such thing in the GDR …

.

HO Centrum Warenhaus (department store)
-Warenhaus Berlin-Mitte
-Berlin-Friedrichshain
-Warenhaus Dresden, Altmarkt
-Warenhaus Dresden, Prager Straße
-Erfurt, Anger
-Görlitz:Halle (Saale)
-Hoyerswerda
-Karl-Marx-Stadt
-Leipzig
-Magdeburg
-Neubrandenburg
-Rostock
-Schwedt/Oder
-Suhl

Konsument Warenhaus (department store)
-Berlin
-Cottbus
-Dessau
-Dresden-Löbtau
-Frankfurt (Oder),
-Gera
-Gotha
-Halle (Saale)
-Jena
-Leipzig:
-Plauen
-Potsdam
-Stralsund
-Zwickau

Some of them I still experienced as a child.

 

[Zachary]

Well, I have to admit I had one of those infamous knots in my brain again …

I apologize for using the dictionary inattentively and thus let it mislead me into a wrong conclusion about the correct translation of "Konsum-Warenhaus".

 

[LostInTyme]

"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe."

And yet, it now makes perfect sense.
And, it took but seven decades.

Harmonium ind incosenates,
titake ind vilyvog inst consotor,
more nefer repitiore
un baka spokeo.

Trillitons et Winkenschtein.......​

 

[Zombie_61]

...All due respect for your humor and your GDR jokes (I know tons of them and just love them!). Half of GDR jokes work only if told in original language...

Years ago I was at work on a slow afternoon, and I and some of my co-workers were standing around shooting the breeze and telling jokes. One of the co-workers was born and raised in Mexico, so Spanish was his native language (though he spoke English equally as well). He told a joke in English, and it was funny but not funny enough to get a laugh. He re-told the joke in Spanish, and suddenly it was hilarious! Humor is a funny thing.

 

[Turnip]

 

[LostInTyme]

So a guy walks into a bar
carrying a pair of jumper cables,
and the bartender says to him,
"You better not start anything"

 

[Zombie_61]

^ Evolution. The fish, that is, not the diver.

 

[LostInTyme]

Exchanging barbs can sometimes be a mean thing to do.

Especially for Barb.

 

[Turnip]

 

[Artifex]

You know, I don't think the sawing-a-lady-in-half trick would be quite so impressive if there were no requirement to put her back together unharmed.

 

[Trenchfriend]

GDR. Two women are hanging out the laundry.

"Mrs. Meier, I heared, tomorrow there will be sun!"

"No no, I will not stand in line!"