Children at Weddings

[Flying Scotsman]

Didn't want to hijack the wedding/reception thread, but someone mentioned children running around making people trip, so I have to ask...

Do you think it's okay, or not okay, for children to attend weddings?

I'll let people answer then post my opinion. Since we'll be coming up on "the wedding season" here in a couple of months, this will no doubt be a topic of conversation at one point or another

 

[BegintheBeguine]

I love well-behaved children

Children, yes. Running around, no. If children are running around then no children. There are enough other things at many weddings to make people trip. Besides, we were simply not allowed to run around and if I couldn't do something as a child then none o' these whippersnappers should be able to. Parents shouldn't expect their children to not fidget and run around for a long period of time, so maybe they should make arrangements for the younguns to stay home. At my wedding there were two cuties, one the ring bearer and the other a junior usher. They are well-behaved at home so it was no surprise they were well-behaved in the church and at the restaurant.

 

[Paisley]

Were the children invited? No? Then, no.

 

[Senator Jack]

No. That's all I have to say on the subject. Till someone says yes. Then I'lll have to say no again. Aside from the flower girl and ring boy. They're okay.

 

[BegintheBeguine]

To invite or not invite children

I'd forgotten about this: At my civil wedding the sister, who was not invited, brought along her b-, i mean infant. The judge was not amused.
This made me think long and hard about inviting any children but I am glad I invited and included the two I did.

 

[Cherry_Bombb]

Recently I attended a wedding for a good friend where I came to the realization that children just don't belong at weddings. The parents of one particular toddler are good friends of mine. They're lovely people, but not the best of parents (there is always one couple!!). They both continued to drink even after yelling across the dance floor "Hey! Can somebody get that out of his mouth?!". I couldn't believe it!

Now the fact of the matter is that they should be holding onto a toddler in a social setting, not drinking, and most definately should be the ones to pull the marble out of his mouth. But as we all know, they didn't. Not only that, but we all know "that couple". Because of "that couple", there should be no children allowed at weddings. If everyone else is allowed to bring their children and not have to pay for a babysitter that night, then "that couple" will too, which means I end up being the one to corral the child so that it doesn't hurt/ bother everyone else!!

 

[Flying Scotsman]

Okay, so here are my thoughts. This, to me, sort of coincides with the "rude behavior" thread in a weird way, as they relate to proper behavior and etiquette.

I don't think children are appropriate at weddings. I grudgingly accept the ring bearer/flower girl thing, but only grudgingly (ever see those stupid "America's Funniest Video" shows? Ring bearers throwing tantrums? Flower girls picking their nose going down the aisle? Do you want people to remember your wedding because of something like that?).

I hold to a couple of ideas that I don't think are too stringent when it comes to kids. First, I don't think they belong at adult functions, and I put most weddings and all funerals in that category. I also don't think they are appropriate guests at parties where alcohol is served (not all weddings do, I realize that). And lastly, if there is the slightest chance of them detracting from what should be the guest(s) of honor, they shouldn't be there...weddings are supposedly HUGE events in the lives of the couple getting married, and the wedding day is about THEM, and not your kids.

I may come across as curmudgeonly, but I've had way too many expensive meals, dressy affairs, celebrations and just plain adult events disrupted or ruined by ill-behaved (or just plain bored and cranky) children.

Hey, I don't show up at their kiddie birthday parties and force them to listen to me talk politics!

 

[Feraud]

As long as you keep the rugrats on a tight leash then I say yes.
Let me repeat, keep them in line... A wedding is a celebration and not your private playground.

 

[Viola]

Babies/toddlers are always at my familys' weddings, and they're usually moderately good and the parents are conscientious. Also, bride + baby dancing is unspeakably adorable.

It depends on the kids, and on the parents, I imagine. And these were NOT late-night affairs.

-Viola

 

[Miss Neecerie]

I think it depends on the wishes of the couple.

Its their day.

Many modern couples have kids already by the wedding, and especially if its a blended family.

Calling a wedding an adult occaision in those sort of circumstances is not quite right.

If the happy couple want their kids, young cousins, etc......to be there...and they make it clear on the invitation....then fine..its a family occaision.

If the invite says no...then you comply.

Really quite simple.

 

[Flying Scotsman]

I think it depends on the wishes of the couple.

Its their day.

Many modern couples have kids already by the wedding, and especially if its a blended family.

Calling a wedding an adult occaision in those sort of circumstances is not quite right.

If the happy couple want their kids, young cousins, etc......to be there...and they make it clear on the invitation....then fine..its a family occaision.

If the invite says no...then you comply.

Really quite simple.

OK, I'll buy that, especially the blended family bit. I think most second marriages are quite a different thing...I was thinking of the big-whoop-de-doo bride-in-big-white-dress first marriage.

And of course, a couple can do anything they wish, since it is their wedding, after all (I don't know how to apply that rule to a funeral, though ).

I guess I was just raised that children didn't go to things like that, until they were old enough (teens, usually) to behave like young men and women (not little boys and girls). And you have an additional problem...people are absolutely clueless about social graces nowadays. If a wedding invitation says "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith", that's supposed to mean Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. Period. Not Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and their 4 kids including the 3-month-old who screams through the entire ceremony. And in olden days of yore, it was considered declasse' to put something like "Adult Reception" on the invitation, but unless you do that now (and sometimes even IF you do), people bring their children. There's an assumption nowadays that people are expected and entitled to bring their little darlings anywhere and everywhere, and everyone should love and enjoy them just as much as they do. Hence, ruined wedding ceremonies and children running around like monkeys at receptions.

But I'm not bitter...

LOL!

 

[Miss Neecerie]

ahh the double edged sword...

How and where do kids -learn- to behave at events like that if they are never taken to them before their teen years....by when all their bad habits are set in stone....

Yes...the courtesy issue of only bringing who is invited is another -whole- issue......

But even past the blended family example....the first time fluffy white taffeta'd bride might have cousins she babysat their whole small lives...etc.....so I can still see it being a family event if the parties involved want it that way.

 

[Flying Scotsman]

ahh the double edged sword...

How and where do kids -learn- to behave at events like that if they are never taken to them before their teen years....by when all their bad habits are set in stone....

That one's easy...they learn the way we did. A little at a time, in short doses initially, at simpler and less formal events.

Nobody came out of the womb knowing how to sit up and act correctly and eat a nice meal at a restaurant. We learned from our parents, both at home and by going from smaller, family restaurants at an appropriate age, to nicer restaurants as we got older, to REALLY nice restaurants when we had shown that we could behave appropriately.

And the same is true of parties, which is all a wedding is, really. We learned to behave at kid birthday parties first (not acting up, or treating others rudely, or stealing attention from the birthday girl, etc.), then at family members' birthdays and similar events, and so on. By the time I went to my first wedding, I knew exactly what was expected of me at all times. I think I was 12 or so.

Yes...the courtesy issue of only bringing who is invited is another -whole- issue......

Boy, isn't it? It's amazing how much of what was once considered proper etiquette and social graces are just flat gone now.

But even past the blended family example....the first time fluffy white taffeta'd bride might have cousins she babysat their whole small lives...etc.....so I can still see it being a family event if the parties involved want it that way.

Yeah, you're right...if that's what they want, then they're free to do that. I guess I'm just thinking more of the large, formal evening event...afternoon wedding followed by evening dinner and dancing, open bar, etc. Sure you CAN have kids there, but...I still maintain that there are events and places that just aren't "kid-friendly" or appropriate. More informal style events? OK, I can see that, sort of.

I wonder what Emily Post has to say on this?

BTW, love your avatar...tell me that's not the Pasadena Electric Company's main switch! HA HA!

 

[Miss Neecerie]

I wonder what Emily Post has to say on this?

BTW, love your avatar...tell me that's not the Pasadena Electric Company's main switch! HA HA!

I guess I came from a family where the training in behaviour started very early and we went to family events very young.....and learned to behave as these things happened.....possibly a cultural issue.

and no...its not the Pasadena Water and Power's switch....I like them a bit too much for that......they have seemingly quite cheap rates....so I wouldn't do anything too mean to them.

 

[Daisy Buchanan]

I don't like the idea of having children at my wedding. I personally don't even want a flower girl or ring bearer. For the kind of wedding I would like to have, or at least what I'm planning in my mind while I look for Mr. Right, children would not fit in.

My sister got married a while back and she actually put an age minimum on her wedding guests. Nobody under 16 was allowed. It would have been higher but our youngest 1st cousin at the time was that age. She just didn't think that children would fit into her black tie, late evening, open bar affair. Any kids under the age of 16 would have been asleep by the time we sat down to dinner anyway, so it would have been useless to have invited them. It was an incredibly lovely evening with excellent food, great wine and drinks, an amazing 16 piece band, and dancing til' 3 in the morning. We would have probably stayed longer but the country club was already breaking the law by not shutting us down at 1. Anyway, it was an adults only evening that was very elegant. Kids just don't fit into that kind of environment.

 

[Lady Day]

Were the children invited? No? Then, no.

I agree, but I know, like at my church, some weddings will havea 'kids park em'' room, like a daycare during the wedding, and then let them run crazy hopped up on cake at the reception.

Out of sight out of mind.

LD

 

[Feraud]

Ah I remember the Italian weddings I attended as a child. We ran wild until falling asleep in mom's lap at 11 p.m.

 

[RedPop4]

Weddings are all about family. A new one being born, two old ones being joined, affecting society from this moment forward. How sad to exclude members of the family for such trivial and selfish reasons as they make too much noise, or throw tantrums.

Those who would script life to fit their preferrences can't deal with reality when it hits.

I can well understand rude, boorish children, with even more rude and more boorish, irresponsible parents. But some of the statements here are quite disheartening and downright sad to read. People on this board constantly complain about rude, arrogant, nasty teenagers, well, they get this from their parents, a dominant media culture that rewards this behavior with laughter, and by not being shown how to behave at formal events.

Oh, I am, however, in agreement about flower girls and ring bearers. That this is considered acceptable and even "traditional" behavior is quite horrid. It's the one aspect of children at weddings that should be done away with extreme prejudice. Otherwise, allow the kids to be part of their family's life.

 

[Elaina]

I always viewed the flower girl and ring bearer as an addition to let a young family member pe a part of it. My sister was 2 when I got married the first time and was my flower girl (I didn't have a ring bearer), and was my maid of honor at my 3rd one (she was 9) my son was the best man (he was almost 5). It was a choice I made, and drove the minister nuts because Sis was trying to be nice and keep my son in line that I whispered (in the middle of the vows, now) "He's ok, honey! Let it go!" Or my son being so excited over having my ring he flung it (and the silk bag I had the foresight to put it in) at my husband. They weren't doing this to ruin anything, but because they tried to give me a perfect day. But they were never rude, at any time, and I covered them being active by making them the official picture takers (we put disposables on the tables and gave them their own cameras). Now, while my husband and I laughed then (and still laugh), I wouldn't have done it any other way.

RedPop said the rest better then I could have.

 

[Maj.Nick Danger]

I can remember the first wedding I ever attended. I was about 3 years old I think. It was a big church ceremony for a friend of my older sister.
The church was very quiet and solemn and the priest was going about his duties,...when all of a sudden I start whistling Yankee Doodle as loud as I could. lol
I had just mastered the art of whistling a few days prior to this, and of course I used the uncomfortable silence in the church to try out my new talent. Everyone turned to see what was going on as the ceremony came to a sudden halt!
I was told to cut it out, and so I complied, not really understanding what the fuss was all about.
But the ceremony proceeded just as planned and no one was any the worse for my transgression.
In fact, I was the first one that got to kiss the bride after it was all over!

I have been to many weddings where there have been kids of all ages, and not once have I noticed one kid that did anything to ruin the proceedings. I think kids are one of the biggest parts of weddings, because weddings are all about family. The kids should definitely be included.